Please note: this is a fictional tale and the narrator is a male.
I can still hear Katie’s laughter as she ran around her family’s vineyard that day. I can still remember the way her golden-brown hair shined brilliantly under the sun and the way she looked back at me. I will never be the same after that.
“Oh, Brian,” I heard her taunt, “I’m waiting.”
I remember laughing, “I am not that young anymore.” She slowed to a walk and twirled around. I jogged the remaining distance until she was in my arms. “I love you.” I whispered, cupping her cheeks between my hands. Then a shot rang out and she collapsed in my arms. “Katie?”
She stared at me, trails of tears raced down her cheeks as a puddle of blood pooled on the ground. Our fingers intertwined. “I love you.” She mouthed and then nothing, just silence.
It’s never supposed to be like this. We were supposed to get married and live happily ever after. Slowly, I bring the gun to my temple as I take another swig of wine. We will be together again very soon, Katie.
(~175 Words)
I am participating in Priceless Joy’s flash fiction challenge, Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writer, where we write a piece between 100 and 150 words (more or less 25 words) in length inspired by the photo prompt above.
I had a bad feeling from the beginning, that it wouldn’t be a happy ending, but his decision took me by surprise.
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I was surprised at myself, for choosing this ending (out of 5). Thank you for reading.
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I think you wrote a very good flash story. Interesting and kept my attention. However I believe your title gave away too much. I’m trying to think of a suggestion. Maybe “A Glimpse of Joy” or “Love’s Moment.” You are good, Yinglan, I hope I don’t come across as hard to please. I guess it’s just “once a teacher, always a teacher!” Generally you like my comments so I try to be honest with you. I think I read everything you write and I am a busy woman so you see how much I care for your talents. Keep writing.
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Oneta, thank you for reading my stories. I enjoyed writing this one. Unfortunately, in the spare of the moment, I couldn’t think of a title. I was about to go titleless but instead, I went with an obvious choice.
I enjoy your comments and really appreciated that you read everything I write.
Take care. 🙂
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Excellent Yinglan! Did he shoot her too? Or was she shot so later he decided to shoot himself?
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Thank you. No, he did NOT shoot her. Someone in her family did and somehow covered it up.
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Oh very dark tale of loss and grief. Very nicely done.
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Thank you.
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Excellent story. Wouldn’t have expected a tragedy, had it not been for the title – a dead giveaway, though.
First, I was quite confused: “cupping her cheeks between my hands…I bring the gun to my temple as I take another swig of wine.” That was like, he was having four hands to get all this done.
But then, I understood it completely when I read the comments. Good work – keep it up 😀
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I know, I couldn’t think of a better title at the time, oh well.
No, a person don’t need four hands to shoot himself while drink wine. He can hold the bottle in one hand and the gun with another.
Thank you for reading.
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NO. I meant, he was cupping her cheeks while shooting her while drinking wine was the impression I got before I read the comments. 😉
But, can’t you change the title now?
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Ah, I see.
Do you have a better title in mind?
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Tragic
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Indeed
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Nice flow of story. The beginning is strong and the plot is captivating.
“I will never be the same after that”
it is a beautiful sentence. Though, you have explained but I have a feeling that the narrator killed her.
In short, I simply love this tale 🙂
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Thank you, I’m glad you like the story.
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Great story Yinglan, and so sad. I really like the way you told it, too…nice detail.
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Thank you.
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A very dark and tragic tale, Yinglan. Well told.
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Thank you.
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Nice job. I wasn’t ready for the ending!
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Thank you.
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