I realize that yesterday, for the first time since February 19, I did not post. Nope, not a single thing. In fact, I didn’t even spend the day writing. Here are all the reasons why.
- Do you have someone in your life who is always undermining everything you do?
- Someone who’s always trying to prove you wrong?
- Someone who says it’s not good enough no matter how hard you try?
Yesterday began like any other except the moment I sat in front of a computer, my right eye started aching. My left eye’s partially blind so I couldn’t see without my perfect right eye. I’ve had this kind of pain many times before and it is very annoying. It made me want to lie back on the bed and throw a dozen cover on top of my eyes.
Then I made a big mistake. I went upstairs and when I didn’t see my mom in her usual spot, I went up one more flight to her room. She was browsing stock on the computer. That’s all she seem to care these days, Apple, GE, gold, and Facebook stocks. It’s grown to an obsession.
Anyway, my mistake was blurting out “Ugh, my eye is hurting for some reason.” That’s when she began blasting me with only yous…
Only you won’t put eye drops in your eyes
Only you won’t go out and find a proper job
Only you want to stick ’round a minimum wage job
I stopped listening and clenched my fists. I wanted so much to punch something, somebody for making me angry, for not being sympathetic.
I took the low-paying job because of her. It was her who suggested it. It’s close and convenient and can acquire the required skill. Her words, not mine. Instead, I retreated downstairs for breakfast as if I was throwing my hands up, forget I said anything.
After breakfast, I went back to the basement to finish reading All the Light We Cannot See. I enjoyed it although I felt a little weird after reading the last words because I was rushing when I started the book.
Soon, it was lunch. We had the leftover fried noodle from the previous night when my mom’s friend invited her to dinner. As I was washing dishes, I felt her gaze on me, monitoring me as always. She clicked her tongue and I slammed the the sponge in the sink. “What now?” I asked.
She scoffed, “Look at you. I have never seen anyone so dirty.” I scoffed quietly. Yeah, everything you do is clean and everything I do is not. Next thing you’ll tell me I don’t shower right. I have to get out of here. I can’t take anymore of her put-downs. So I decided to go to work. At least, I’ll be out of the house and away from the negativity.
I didn’t come home until well passed six. The first thing she said when I walked through the door was not hello but “you need to make rice, my hands are dirty.” After dinner, finally, things returned to normal and by normal, I mean we don’t speak to each other. Apparently, every word I do and say lead to a fight.
This morning, she decided to dress in her Class A uniform and take pictures. The camera stopped working on the third take, bad battery. So I had to resort to using her tablet. I took it as she had instructed, just frontal, no creative take. “Hurry up!” She kept pestering me and when I showed her the pictures, she scoffed and criticized on every single picture. How ungrateful! I wanted to say. It’s not my fault you’re standing a rock.
After doing several “disappointing” takes inside, she decided to take it outside. She pestered me to hurry up again. I’m sorry, I’m wearing shoes that are three times my size and there are steps. I’m walking as fast as I can. I’m sorry but I’m not superwoman.
I snapped a couple more and you guessed it, she was disappointed. “All I want is a couple of decent pictures, is that so hard to ask?”
“I don’t see anything wrong with them.” The pictures were crystal clear and nice. I swear I’m never doing anything for her again.
And now, if you’re excuse me, I have to listen to some music to simmer down my anger. This is the song currently playing on repeat in my head, at least the chorus part.