#WeekendCoffeeShare: A Long Week

Published on by Yinglan

Credit: Pinterest

Good Saturday morning! Thank you for joining me. Come on in for some drinks.

If we were having coffee or other drinks, I would tell you it’s been a long week. It wasn’t the 46 hours work-week that made it long. It was the sleepless nights due to the roller-coaster temperatures. I mentioned in our last chat, the temperature was in the mid to upper-90’s the week before before the temperature suddenly plummeted to the 60’s last Sunday. Well, it has been steadily rising back up again but taking another plunge this weekend.

Ugh! I hate this roller-coaster weather.

If we were having drinks, I would tell you I’m enjoying going to work because I don’t have to drive to work and I get to go home early. I only drive on the days when I have to head to my part-time job which has reduced to one day a week due to the lack of work. The other four days, I would take the early bus to work and the early bus home. I have been able to read on the bus. In fact, I finished reading an entire book this week. It’s got to be a record for me. I don’t think I’ve ever read a book this fast. If I have, I would remember.

If we were having drinks, I would tell you about the book. It’s The Best of Me by Nicholas Sparks. It’s my first time reading a Nicholas Sparks novel because I’ve never like reading romance and this genre is what this author is well-known for (at least that’s what I heard) but when I read the synopsis on the back, it seemed like a good read. It’s what prompted me to buy this book at the thrift store a few months ago.

The book pulled me in from the start. It made me cry, felt pitiful, gasp at the twists and turns, and smile. I watched the movie after reading the first chapter. The movie is nothing like the book. In some ways, it’s better than book but in other ways, it’s worse.

If we were having drinks, I would tell you I have been feeling a little guilty lately. I feel bad that because of my anxiety in the last few months, I have been in no mood to deal with my mom. Maybe “deal” is a strong word. I used to feel like I don’t want to listen her yammering on and on and when she asked me something, I felt like she was interrogating me like a detective on a case.

When I’m anxious, I tend to raise my noise. I tried to tell her about my anxious over a week ago, she thought the excuse was stupid and that I was only imagining it. She doesn’t believe in mental disorder. She believes we bring it on ourselves to feel anxious or depressed and that it’s dumb to experience those things. Her words caused a wave (more like a tsunami wave) of emotions to wash over me. What was guilt and anxious turned into an emotions soup for me.

Ugh, I don’t like feeling like this.

Now, some days, I would feel like I should spend more time with her. I sometimes would feel like I shouldn’t go to my bible study on Wednesday and Sunday nights, that I should be at home and have dinner with her. Other days, I would feel like I can’t wait to get away from her. Her actions are helping either as I’m in this constant mental battle.

If we were having coffee, I would thank you for joining me this week and hopefully, I will be back next weekend.

15 thoughts on “#WeekendCoffeeShare: A Long Week”

  1. I can totally relate to this post. When I’m not with my Mom, I miss her, and feel like a bad son for not spending more time with her. When I’m with her she drives me crazy!
    I think that MOST of the time, the worst place to be is inside my own head, not sometimes.

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  3. Some Nicholas Sparks books are awesome, some kind of repeat and then you get lost. “The Notebook” as a novel and movie is by far one his best. I also really enjoyed the movie and book called “The Longest Ride.” Particularly, the movie version as it has Allen Alda in it as the token older person and also Scott Eastwood (Clint Eastwood’s son). He’s gorgeous and worth watching the movie for him alone, but the story for this one is excellent movie or book. There are many othersl but those are my fave.

    As for your anxiety, I’m told by my Dad, as Ive said who works withi a great deal of Chinese family’s and students, and also with visiting teachers, that mental illness is even more stigmatized or as you say ‘ignored’ there, worse than North America. But we are getting better here as the years pass.

    You can just say, it’s okay that you don’t get it, but trained doctors and medical science tells me I have anxiety, it’s a physical disease not just a mental one, that has changed my the pathways, in my brain so I feel anxious & upset. You don’t have to believe, but science and people more qualified have proven and diagnosed me otherwise. But, maybe this would cause her to want to argue, so maybe ignoring her works too? But at some point, she had to get it. Just my thoughts. Have a better weekend!

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    1. I think I will need to go to the thrift store in a week or so to see if there any other books there worth reading. On my last few visits, I saw a lot of Nicholas Sparks books on the shelf, some even looked brand-new, people probably got it and didn’t like it. There are also some other books which I’m hoping to read. Hopefully, I’ll find it on my next visit to the thrift store.

      Oh yeah, mental illnesses are definitely being ignored there. I know my cousin has depression and anxiety but the rest of the family don’t believe in such thing. My grandma and aunts seem to think it can all be fixed with my cousin getting a job and earning some cold hard cash. They didn’t believe me when I told them about mental illness either and so I have no idea how to tell them that you can’t buy happiness with money.

      I suffered from depression during the three months when I was unemployed and while getting a job cured my depression, it did nothing for my anxiety. If anything, my anxiety worsened with all the incoming bills and mail which I don’t even want to look at because of exhaustion but somehow I must look at. Otherwise, I would forget.

      Actually, I told my mom that multiple times and still, she didn’t believe me. *sigh*

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      1. Well a good book and some time to yourself can help a lot of things. I like to read a couple of his books, that read other stuff, than comeback and read a couple more months later. He has a lot, but some of them are very much the sane. Some of them are excellent stories too.
        I’m sorry you were depressed before you found your jobs. I didn’t know. I wish I did. I’m glad you feel better. All that job stuff is stressful though and I think knowing you have bills to pay and your mom, well that doesn’t help when you’re prone to it.
        I’m sorry the anxiety hadn’t calmed down, maybe as you get used to your jobs and your routine you’ll feel better with other medicinal or therapeutic techniques. I bet your baking helps you feel happier and relaxed as with the reading.
        That’s right, you told me about your cousin before. I’m sad to hear nothing has changed. I think sometimes it’s hard for people to know if they don’t feel it themselves (not all, but some), and also it’s something that takes a lot of time to change culturally. Even from day 20 years ago in Canada, things have changed a lot with how people treat those with mental health.
        At least at work your mom can’t bother you about it or say stuff and if you have some time with friends, church and other activities, you seem to know how to help yourself and that’s a large part of the battle.
        Keep on trucking, you’re doing great and I’m cheering for you even if you’re having rough days. God too. 🙏😊

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      2. I tend to stick to a few of the popular authors when it comes to reading, like you said, read a few books by the same author before moving on to another and then come back a few months later to read more.

        I think working keeps my mind occupied so I won’t be able to think about other things like the bad things. I remember those three months when I was unemployed, I sometimes find myself standing in the backyard, just standing, not wanting to do anything while my mind was reeling over the fact that all the money I’ve managed to save the last year was quickly dwindling. That was a horrible feeling and I don’t ever want to experience that again.

        According to my mom, my cousin has begun going to church. I sure hope that helps because going to church helped me to cope with my unemployment. I sometimes still spot my cousin posting depressing messages on our private network though which worries me. I hope he finds a job soon too because I hate seeing him like this.

        Oh my mom still bothers me at work, just not as much now that we’re in the same company.

        Thank you for cheering. 🙂

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  6. Parents can be so difficult. They have, by definition, an easier path to making us feel inadequate. Their same words spoken by almost anyone else would not hurt nearly as much. Hang in there lady. She’s your mom and may not always have her. Despite everything you’ve said, she most likely loves you more and with fewer exceptions than almost anyone else ever will. Thanks for sharing this though. I’ll bet it was helpful just to get it out of your head and heart. Such as I can tell from a distance, I think you would be well advised to keep at least one evening of your Bible studies. It’s a great source objective & holy truth and chance to share or pray with people who also love you. Blessings

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  7. Mental health is a real issue no matter what your mom says and you need to do what you can to take care of yours. Writing is always a good healthy step in that direction. It’s also about balancing another’s needs with your own. Only you know the answers to what works best, not anyone else in the world. ;0)

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