After speaking to my dietitian/therapist this week, I decided to start this weekly series as a way to de-stress from everyday life, to scream at my inner voice and so forth. It might be very random things and some might be humorous. I’ll try to keep it light.
I don’t know how to relax. Is that a weird thing to say? I don’t know how to relax. There, I said it. Can you blame me though even though I’m sitting here now writing this, feeling stressed to the brink?
From work, family, life.
Do you sometimes feel like you’re being rushed from place to place and never have a moment to just stop and look around you or contemplate on the present? That’s been me for the past twenty-some odd years. My mom wants things done right away. When I was living with my step-dad, he, too, wanted things done in the moment. When I was living with my relatives in China, everything must be done in an instant. It was what was expected of me but it’s never reciprocated.
You know what’s strange?
I never really noticed it until the recent years when I began working multiple jobs while going to school and then I’d come home and my mom would want me to do this and that. Maybe my internal stress meter has been slowly peaking and I didn’t realize it. Or maybe my age is catching up. I’m not as young as when I started this blog 7 years ago. I sometimes would look myself in the mirror and would find crow’s feet at the corners of my eyes.
I recently watched a documentary about stress. In it, eating was mentioned. It turned out sugar is less sweet when a person is stressed and foods are more delicious when one is stressed. Really? I decided to do a test and it’s absolutely right.
Maybe it’s why I’ve been overeating again, even being on an anti-diet. I think I am overeating because I’m stressed. “I feel like pulling my hair out,” I told my dietitian and honestly, I feel like I’m about to break down into one big sob.
I’m overeating because I’m constantly working excess of the 40-hour standard work week. My mom was saying, “the more overtime you work, the better.” I overeat because of the constant disruption. Everybody wants something from me and it seems like that’s the only time I worth something to them. Other times, I’m just a “silly” girl.
My 24-year-old cousin needs help registering from college classes, guess who he turn to? My uncle needs to shop for a car, guess who’s going to do that for him? The family needs health insurance, who will help them buy insurance?
ME, ME, ME, ME, ME!