#WeekendCoffeeShare: Last Saturday of 2020 – No Regrets

Published on by Yinglan

Thank you for joining me on another #WeekendCoffeeShare. Come on in from the cold. It’s sure been bitterly cold this year. Not a lot of snow though which it’s a shame. It’s 2020, everyone’s working from home, having snow to look at would break the monotony. Anyway, what would you like? I have Hot Cocoa – the instant stuff I’m afraid – and instant coffee.

If we were having coffee on this final Saturday of 2020, I would say Good Riddance 2020. I hope you’ll never return. I would also say, “Hello 2021” and we shall start singing Auld Lang Syne with me playing the song on my 1985 vintage Yamaha keyboard. I’m sure I’m not the only one out there feeling this sentiment.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you I did 3 things behind my mom’s back this week which I have absolutely no regret.

I satisfied my 2020 craving with a tall juicy burger and fries. Trust me, it wasn’t easy. Mom’s words from earlier this week kept echoing in my head on my walk to the restaurant. “You’ve been eating so much. No wonder you’re fat like a pig.” Those words hurt me a lot.

“Eating is part of being human,” I had to keep telling myself as I handed over my money and watched the patty being cooked and the burger being assembled.

Guilt didn’t began to seep in until I half-walked, half-ran back to the office, unwrapped, and took the first bite but by the last bite, all that guilt was replaced with happiness. I felt warm and fuzzy inside.

I needed that. Who cares if I gain a little weight because of this? I can always exercise. Eating is part of the human condition. It’s how nutrients into our body. I have and should not have any regret doing what I did.

The second thing I did which I do not regret was actually done 2 weeks ago. I printed my first photo.

I have been taking and making landscape photographs for a few years now and have never printed any photos. I went with a 12-inches-by-36-inches canvas print. It was supposed to arrive after Christmas but it arrived on December 23.

I’m so happy how it turned out. Mom, of course, had her opinions about the photo. She’s such a cynic – saying the photo is too good to had been taken by me, asking me whether it’s photoshopped, and how no one can tell the location of the photo, blah, blah, blah – obviously, she doesn’t believe I’m capable.

The final thing is I decided to order 36 spice jars to house my spices. I’m tired of keeping my spices in tiny plastic baggies. I can’t write on them and sometimes, I can’t tell cayenne peppers from smoked paprika because they’re the same color.

It arrived on the same day as the photo. “What are you, rich?” Mom said when she saw what I bought.

“I got a gift card.” I said.

“So do I. Are you spending my money?”

“No, it’s my gift card.” I snapped. “I can spend it however I want.”

“But not on this.” She pointed at the tiny spice jars. “This is a waste of money.”

“I’m not spending your money, all right. Why do you care so much what I buy?” She mumbled something about not having enough room in my house for all my stuff but the truth is, most of the stuff are hers.

She occupies most of the spacious pantry with her so-call snacks which she doesn’t allow me to touch. I only get little corners in the back for my spices, oils, and vinegars while my flours get pushed all the way into the bottom shelf which I have to get on my bad knees to reach.

So I bought 36 tiny spice jars which now occupies a slightly bigger space in the pantry. No regrets.

If we were having coffee, I would thank you for joining me and hope to chat again in 2021.

26 thoughts on “#WeekendCoffeeShare: Last Saturday of 2020 – No Regrets”

  1. I have to admit that I have eaten a bit extra and less healthy the last few weeks. It happens, sometimes we need to treat ourselves. Anyway, I really like your landscape photograph. Great coffee post, thanks for sharing.

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  4. Hello Yinglan,

    I’ve wondered how your mother ever became so injured that she treats you she does. My children and I have never said such things to each other and I can’t imagine words like this coming from me towards them.

    That said, I’m glad you took care of yourself as recalled above. Such small rewards for working hard are healthy for you, for anyone actually willing to do the work and you did. Enjoy some of the fruit of your effort and don’t let your mom steal the reward from you. She does not seem capable of just being happy for you, so don’t expect her to. It’s costing her your good opinion of her and that – – ? that would crush me if my children thought I was such a hate-filled creature.

    But good for you for taking care of you.
    Here’s to a much better 2021.
    Talk to you then.

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    1. Hi Gary,

      I believe it might have to do with how she was raised. Her dad treats people in similar manners. In some way (even though she’d never admit it), she is the female version of her father. Her siblings treats family and people in a similar manner too, which make it hard for me to get along with any of them because they behave like a replica of my mom. I’m not like them at all. I sometimes see myself as sort of the black sheep of the family, the outlier.

      And to be honest, I cannot think of even one occasion when my mom’s been happy for me. I mean, she didn’t attend my first choir recital and my one and only high school graduation, she still blames me to this day that because she had to attend my graduation, she missed the chance to get promoted at work. What kind of mother (or person) does that?

      I’d love to share my happiness but with her, she’d just ruin it with her negativity and cynical words. So why not just enjoy and savor my happy moments alone?

      Thank you for dropping and chatting and absolutely, here’s hope for a much better 2021. I am crossing my fingers and filling my heart full with hopes.

      Talk again in 2021. 🙂

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      1. ugh, Yinglan, We need an acknowledgment button because it’s just not right to “like” something like this. I wish I had the words to fix this for you but I don’t think they exist.
        Chin up my friend. I think you are stuck with the task of being the grown up in a messy situation.

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      2. I don’t think there are words for this either. I sometimes feel like I just need to accept that it’s my rotten luck to had been born into a family like this but I guess that’s better than having no family at all.

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  5. Awesome photo! I wish I’d printed some of my old b/w photos from years ago. Long since lost. Hurrah for you, doing something for yourself. It’s beginning to sound to me as if it may be time for you to move on and out on your own, if possible. I remember my last few years at home with my addicted/abusive mom…it was just almost like yours. I will keep you in my prayers… your mom, too. Happy New year, Dear.

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    1. Thank you. I think black and white photos would like great on any wall. I love them. Some of my favorite photos are black and white.
      I love to be on my own. I’ve tried twice to break free but failed. I wish I did so before I bought a house and got buried with a hefty mortgage. It’s too late for regrets now. I’ve tried to ask my mom to move out multiple times in the recent months but she wouldn’t budge. “This is my house,” I kept reminding her.
      “But I paid 50k down-payment.” She would snap back with a grin.
      *sigh* I don’t think I can ever win this. I think I just need to be patient, pay off the house, and throw that 50k at her as the payment for my debt. Money is all she cares about and nothing else. *sigh*
      Thank you for dropping by and chatting. I hope you have a happy new year and hope 2021 will be a bright year for us all. 🙂

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  7. Hot cocoa would be lovely! That buyer looks insanly good!
    Yes we all lose and gain weight, but like you said, we have to eat, and these things happen. Your photo is stunning, I hope you’re proud of your photo, and that you made the decision to print and hang it, amazing! X

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    1. Thank you. I am proud of this photo and this is one of those photos which I can remember the journey it took to capture the photo. I think I should make it a once-a-year thing – print a memorable photo every year. Thank you for dropping by.

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