My hero? Who else? Yes, she frustrates me a lot especially recently after I lost my health insurance. Even now, I have to wait until the first for it to come into effect. She keeps telling me, “Don’t die or I’ll be losing big time. It’ll be worse than throwing money down the drain.”

Of course, she wouldn’t be saying that if I was feeling my best. I know she means well but all this talk of death is kind of getting me down especially during the holiday. Yes, I get it. I cannot die or get sick or whatever or you’d be left with nothing but $100,000 from my life insurance proceeds.

I guess that’s one of the reasons I am not feeling it this Christmas aside from the lack of festivity. And it’s not just the death talk. My mother also has been asking just about a million what ifs. What if I never came to America? What if you never existed? What if your father didn’t die?

Well, let’s see. If I never existed, if you gave birth to a healthy child, you’d be spared of the hospital expenses and you don’t have to get a job just for the health insurance. If my father didn’t die, I wouldn’t be coming to America and I’d have to suffer China’s high school entrance exam, college entrance exam, and all that homework. And if I do exist, with my current undiagnosable disorder, a few more seizures and I’d be looking at my death bed.

Bottom line, you’re my hero, okay? You’re my hero for immigrating to America. You’re my hero for not giving up until I was properly diagnosed. You’re my hero for saving my life. Just stop with the talk about me dying and the what ifs!