I welcomed each month in 2022 and I will continue doing the same in 2023 but first, let’s give a nice warm welcome to 2023! May you be brighter than your predecessor.Continue reading “Welcome 2023!”
I’m pretty sure these won’t be my last thoughts on 2022 as I have a few posts pending to be posted in the upcoming days but these will be pretty darn close to being my last 2022 thoughts as I’m writing this on the 29th of December, 2022.Continue reading “Final Thoughts of 2022”
Well, there went another Christmas.Continue reading “Post-Christmas Thoughts”
It’s been quite a week.Continue reading “Thoughts on this Christmas Eve”
I have this feeling this is going to be a rough week.Continue reading “Monday Thoughts – Rough Week Ahead”
Boy, is it cold!Continue reading “Friday Thoughts – December 2022 Garden Updates”
I was writing a post a few nights ago when all of a sudden came a knock at my door. Before I could say, “come in,” mom entered and announced, “I can’t sleep.” What was I supposed to do? Should I had sung her a lullaby? Read her a story? Counted sheep with her?Continue reading “Friday Thoughts – Stop it with the Grandeur”
Even after enduring it for so long, I still find it sting every time I’m treated this way and yet, I still help them. What in heck is wrong with me?Continue reading “Friday Thoughts – Only Matter when…”
I don’t know why but I feel like I don’t write enough about my physical health.Continue reading “Friday Thoughts – An Update on Health”
I thought I would be okay now that the nightmares have subsided. I thought I would be okay to drive to my doctor appointment on Friday (two days from now).
Maybe not because I find myself stressing out just to step into the garage. I can’t even go into the garage to retrieve some insect powder for the garage. For some reason, every time I put the thought of “go to the garage” in my head, my brain would automatically override the thought with another like “walk 1000 steps” or “watch TV”.
I have already reschedule the appointment for next Thursday and part of me want so much to reschedule Friday’s appointment. You can’t, a voice says firmly. Friday’s appointment is a dietitian/counseling appointment and I need to talk to somebody who understands what I’m going through. Maybe then I can have the strength to get back on the road.
Curiously, I googled “Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Symptoms” and one of the symptom that came up was “avoidance” and it includes:
- Trying to avoid thinking or talking about the traumatic event
- Avoiding places, activities or people that remind you of the traumatic event
I remember when I went grocery shopping with mom on Sunday. It took all my strength to hurl myself into the garage and into my mom’s car. The house key was in my pocket and when we returned, I entered the house through the front door instead of the garage.
My mom didn’t understand this. She doesn’t understand I can’t stand to look at my car – the missing fender, the hole in the door, all of it. She doesn’t understand about PTSD.
I have been in accidents before, none was my fault, but I couldn’t recall having such a strong reaction as this time. I was able to step into the garage. I was able to get in the car and get back on the road. Why is it so hard this time?
Meanwhile, mom isn’t making this easy. Not only does she keeps talking about it, she’s saying it’s my fault that I got into an accident which prevented us from taking a trip to Cheyenne, Wyoming last weekend and possibly any trip in the future because of the deficit I’ve spent on getting the car fixed.
She also wants me to call the auto body shop and ask them to give me a quote to add blind spot detection to my mirrors. I don’t see why I need it. It was never a problem and I don’t want it to be another crutch for me to rely on. To be honest, I hate all the gadgets cars have these days and I’m glad my car doesn’t have features like lane departure and blind spot detection because it makes us more distracted and reliant on these feature instead of focusing on the road and drive.
I emailed the person who did the quote for my repairs but he hasn’t gotten back to me yet and I doubt he will. His business card is in my car and given my current dilemma, I don’t know how I can retrieve it.
Please note that this is quite a long post. I won’t be offended if you skip this one.
Physically, I’m fine but mentally, I feel like I’m once again at a breaking point. It will certainly be a while until I’m truly comfortable driving again…
Yesterday was supposed to be a day of fun, a day which I head into the forest once again to seek solitude, a little time to myself, and to enjoy nature but it looked like someone had another agenda for me.
This week has been a series of unfortunate events with the biggest one of them all on Thursday.Continue reading “This will take a while…”
My mom once said my dad is living through me via a camera but I think it’s the other way around.Continue reading “A New Lens!”
It’s been a while since I’ve shared any thoughts on a Monday…Continue reading “Monday Thoughts – Emotional Stress”
I woke up to a flurry of messages on my phone from my relatives in China and the annoying bunch near me. Happy New Year, they all say.Continue reading “Lunar New Year 2022”
January is gone? What happen to it?Continue reading “Hello February!”
Well, the time has at last arrive, 2021 is in the past and 2022 is the present.Continue reading “Welcome 2022”
This doesn’t feel like a Monday to me. Maybe because I don’t have to work this week. I am sorry to those who does, it must feel awkward to work even a few days if you have two long weekends in a row.Continue reading “Monday Thoughts”