Losing a Friend


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#WeekendCoffeeShare – Something Good this Week


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Avoidance


I thought I would be okay now that the nightmares have subsided. I thought I would be okay to drive to my doctor appointment on Friday (two days from now).

Maybe not because I find myself stressing out just to step into the garage. I can’t even go into the garage to retrieve some insect powder for the garage. For some reason, every time I put the thought of “go to the garage” in my head, my brain would automatically override the thought with another like “walk 1000 steps” or “watch TV”.

I have already reschedule the appointment for next Thursday and part of me want so much to reschedule Friday’s appointment. You can’t, a voice says firmly. Friday’s appointment is a dietitian/counseling appointment and I need to talk to somebody who understands what I’m going through. Maybe then I can have the strength to get back on the road.

Curiously, I googled “Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Symptoms” and one of the symptom that came up was “avoidance” and it includes:

  • Trying to avoid thinking or talking about the traumatic event
  • Avoiding places, activities or people that remind you of the traumatic event
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20355967

I remember when I went grocery shopping with mom on Sunday. It took all my strength to hurl myself into the garage and into my mom’s car. The house key was in my pocket and when we returned, I entered the house through the front door instead of the garage.

My mom didn’t understand this. She doesn’t understand I can’t stand to look at my car – the missing fender, the hole in the door, all of it. She doesn’t understand about PTSD.

I have been in accidents before, none was my fault, but I couldn’t recall having such a strong reaction as this time. I was able to step into the garage. I was able to get in the car and get back on the road. Why is it so hard this time?

Meanwhile, mom isn’t making this easy. Not only does she keeps talking about it, she’s saying it’s my fault that I got into an accident which prevented us from taking a trip to Cheyenne, Wyoming last weekend and possibly any trip in the future because of the deficit I’ve spent on getting the car fixed.

She also wants me to call the auto body shop and ask them to give me a quote to add blind spot detection to my mirrors. I don’t see why I need it. It was never a problem and I don’t want it to be another crutch for me to rely on. To be honest, I hate all the gadgets cars have these days and I’m glad my car doesn’t have features like lane departure and blind spot detection because it makes us more distracted and reliant on these feature instead of focusing on the road and drive.

I emailed the person who did the quote for my repairs but he hasn’t gotten back to me yet and I doubt he will. His business card is in my car and given my current dilemma, I don’t know how I can retrieve it.

#WeekendCoffeeShare – My Brain won’t shut up about it.


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This will take a while…


Please note that this is quite a long post. I won’t be offended if you skip this one.

Physically, I’m fine but mentally, I feel like I’m once again at a breaking point. It will certainly be a while until I’m truly comfortable driving again…

Yesterday was supposed to be a day of fun, a day which I head into the forest once again to seek solitude, a little time to myself, and to enjoy nature but it looked like someone had another agenda for me.

This week has been a series of unfortunate events with the biggest one of them all on Thursday.

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What do you see # 145 – The Project


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What do you see # 144 – The Trees, The Water, The Bright Yellow Light


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What do you see # 143 – Dear Mom…


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Friday Fictioneers: Stop!


PHOTO PROMPT © Dale Rogerson
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Truthful Tuesday 06-21-2022 on a Wednesday


Melanie at Sparks from a Combustible Mind is the hostess for this week’s Truthful Tuesday and she asks:

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#Writephoto – Mushrooms on the Ground


Mushrooms – Image by KL Caley
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Truthful Tuesday 06-14-2022 on a Wednesday


Melanie at Sparks from a Combustible Mind is the hostess for this week’s Truthful Tuesday and she asks:

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Sunday Poser #83 – Second Chances


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Sunday Poser #82 – Life Lesson


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Truthful Tuesday 05-24-2022


Melanie at Sparks from a Combustible Mind is the hostess for this week’s Truthful Tuesday and she asks:

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Sunday Poser #81


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Trip to Dinosaur National Monument


Why does it feel like either I’m not taking trips at all or I’m taking trips all the time? It’s the second trip this week (the first was on Sunday) and this time, it was a trip to the Dinosaur National Monument, which is about 4 hours from me in Jensen, Utah. My uncle drove this time while I was in the passenger seat making sure he doesn’t get lost while enjoying the scenery.

I haven’t processed many of the pictures yet but I can tell I got some of my 2022 favorite photos here.

I have been to Dinosaur National Monument before, back in 2017, but as much as I am interested in dinosaurs, I actually came for the natural scenery this time. As we stopped at each location, I tried to find subjects for my photos because one of the recommendation I got from the instructor of the photography composition class I took in April was to focus on something. “Try to focus on something and not just taking pictures of the general landscape.”

I think focusing on something makes a photo that much interesting. Don’t you think so?

Friday Fictioneers: 30 Years into Boxes


PHOTO PROMPT © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
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Sunday Poser #80


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Sunday Poser #79


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Truthful Tuesday on a Thursday


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Friday Fictioneers: What’s the Matter with You People?


PHOTO PROMPT © Na’ama Yehuda
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Truthful Tuesday on a Wednesday


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