Obviously, I know what you all are thinking, not a very good and attractive title but I couldn’t think of a good title and I’m too stubborn to leave this title-less. So moving on. I would first like to present this inspiring quote for your Monday.

“Never Give Up,” that’s the most important part of the quote because I managed to get through a frustratingly disoriented and distressing weekend no thanks to a certain minor disorder I call Graves’ Disease.

I sat in front of my computer yesterday, wanting to write a post, work, read a book, do something but I couldn’t. Not because of writer’s block or anything but because even after 12+ hours of sleep, I was still exhausted, the back of my head felt like a ton of bricks, and my hands continuously trembled like a 90-year-old woman trying to walk a step holding a cane. Mainly, I felt just plain disoriented, like I wasn’t the driver of my body anymore, I was the passenger hitching a ride. In the least to say, I was horribly moody and shaky all weekend.

Why?

At my last meeting with my doctor, he  told me these were all symptoms of Graves’ Disease or hyperthyroidism, a small, common, and incurable thyroid disease I somehow mysteriously contracted more than a half decade back and now, the subject of my frequent doctor’s visits. Anyway, it’s never been this bad before though. Usually, the symptoms will just last for a half day max. It’s never gone on for two straight days before.

Hmm, I wonder. Can it be getting worse? Can it be the medication doing this? I’ve already reduced it to a bare minimum. Of course many other thoughts crossed my mind as I am sitting here right now trying to contain my hand muscles but honestly I think it’s either the medication or the disease.

Ugh, I just wish I can just feel good for one day and not just hoping. Everyday the same symptoms pops out at a random time, you know, irritability, rapid heartbeat, and shaking hands and legs. It just makes me miserable and frustrated. Even now, I feel like my heart is about jump out at me. I may be hopeful and optimistic but not when I have a giant headache and shaky hands.

What’s worse? The doctor is so damn calm and level-headed. He never look a bit worried when someone tells him some horrifying symptoms. He was like one of those actors from the Twilight movies! Just blank and emotionless, even when I tell a joke, he doesn’t laugh. Can you believe that? Do they train doctor at medical school to not laugh at jokes and worry about patient’s worrisome symptoms?

When I tell him my symptoms, he’s like keep taking your medications, you’ll feel better.

I’m like WHAT???

REALLY????

That’s the best you can do? He makes me feel like the boy who cried wolf! Like I’m just exaggerating about my sufferings. Unfortunately, he the only specialist within a 50-mile radius. So what can I do?

Thanks for listening to my long and tedious babbling and Happy Monday. 🙂