Friends and Hurtful Remarks


School is officially starting in about 2 hours!

Now and then, I would reminisce on my middle school years. My middle school years were the happiest, the most dramatic, and the most miserable years I have ever gone through. I would happy because I had friends, actual friends compare to now, well, no friends. Then there are all those days walking home among a group of people who tease, make fun, and busily filling in the gossip. They made walking home fun. The things I don’t miss about those years were the thievery and the misery from my so-call “friends”. Yes, thievery! My stuff like my erasers, pencils, and even wallet and keys goes missing in a blink of an eye!

There were also these embarrassing situations where my face turns horrendously red because of my lack of vocabulary at the time. My so-call “friends” will be my friends when they want to but when they don’t, they took advantage of my lack of vocabulary skills and made remarks or asked me questions that I had no way of answering or just made me look stupid. Well, I just barely came in the U.S. two years ago while you were born here, how is that fair? I’d often muttered.

Anyway, there were many times when they said some crazy remarks that I wish I could justify, in 3 words, zing them back. I have a love/hate relationship with those times because at the time, my school was about 50% Asian and it was all about competition and remarks. While those were fun, they were sometimes hurtful and mean. I remember the most hurtful remark was when someone sneakily asked me whether I was a lesbian because of my short hair.

I didn’t know what that word meant at the time and it was loud outside, so I thought she said “vegetarian” and I said “yes”. I realized years later what I should had said was “Are you?” That comment basically ruined me, caused me misery for the remainder of my 7th grade year. People started calling me “he she” or pointed and laughed at me for my stupidity. I was too afraid to shoot them back at the time because I was very tiny and I didn’t want to start a fight or anything like that.

In 8th grade, when there was a new kid in school, that remark quickly turned into “you should be with him” or “you two would go great together” and they would guffaw. I had already started to grow my hair but it wasn’t long enough yet because apparently if you’re a girl and have short hair, some dumb asses would automatically assume you’re a boy or you’re gay.

Anyway, my point aside, in a way, I became somewhat known and I had an actual friend to back me up in situations like this. Since that friend in middle school, the only friends I’ve ever made was in my junior year in high school and those friends were even truer than the one in middle school. They stuck by me and helped me through various situations.

After we graduated, we lost touch when we went our separate ways but I will never forget them. At the start of each semester in college, I would reminisce and wonder whether I will find a friend or even a group of people like in middle school or high school again. Well, today, I am going to new school full of strangers who don’t know me. I know making friends is tough but I think I will really give it a go this time instead of during my undergraduate year when I just sat around waiting for a friend to come along.

Cross your fingers and wish me luck.

5 thoughts on “Friends and Hurtful Remarks

  1. Grad school is better. You’re not just in a giant amorphous crowd of random people, but with a pre-selected group of people who share your interests. Good luck and enjoy these moments of your life!

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    • Unfortunately I’m not there yet. I have to get through my leveling courses first but I do hope that being in a smaller school, the crowd will be smaller even in the undergraduate courses. 🙂

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  2. Girl Scouts of the USA has a traditional song with the following lyrics: “Make new friends, but keep the old: One is silver and the other’s gold.” These words are appropriate in my situation and you might be able to apply them in yours as well. Since I moved to Tennessee in 2006, I have tried desperately to make new friends but have not succeeded very well so far. So, while I’m still working on making new friends here, I have increased my efforts to maintain relationships with old friends, including one from high school who my mother, of all people, found on facebook. You might be able to restart some of your old friendships by searching tor them on facebook, linkedin, etc.. You could also try to start personal relationships with some of the people you work with professionally. You can ask them about their weekend or their family or their education or their hobbies. This way you may discover you have something on common on which to base a new friendship. I did this when I was working and ended up attending a baby shower and play dates with one of my customers.

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