#WeekendCoffeeShare: Weekend in China

Good Sunday morning or shall I say good Sunday night since by the time this post gets published, I will be sixteen hours ahead. We are having tea in China, did I mention that?

The weather here is warm, cloudy, and humid. If you’ve ever lived along the Gulf of Mexico, places like Texas, Louisiana, or Florida, you will know the feeling. It’s about 70-degree-Fahrenheit (21-degree-Celsius), compared to the freezing snowy weather back home in Utah, this is wonderful even if the sky’s a little cloudy.

I arrived in China on the 17th and since then, I have been using my strongest will trying to resist over-eating. It’s the most difficult thing especially when you’re surrounded by food. I’m sure some of you can relate. However, I weighed myself yesterday afternoon and discovered I haven’t gain as much weight as I thought. So that’s great news.

If we were having this conversation, I would tell you I haven’t taken any pictures since I’ve been in China. I know, I am disappointed too. The thing is, I haven’t gone to any new places since I got here, just same old places I’ve already taken pictures the last time I was here. I’m hoping I will go to some new places soon though.

If we were having this conversation, I would tell you my cold is finally over. My throat is no longer itchy and my nose is no longer congested. However, due to the side effects from the cold medication, I am dealing with another matter – constipation. 😳 Ugh!!!

If we were having this conversation, I would tell you I am disappointed in my cousin. To be honest, I’m not sure whether he has depression, bi-polar depression, or just faking but it seemed for the past six months, he only asked our grandmother out to morning tea when he’s in need of cash. I was shocked when I heard this. Who does he think our grandmother is? A money tree?

My cousin has no job and is constantly sitting at home playing games on his computer. He wouldn’t listen to anyone and unwilling to find a job. It’s like there’s a thick wall surrounding him.

If we were having hot drinks, I would thank you for joining me this weekend. I must now go to bed and hope for a new day tomorrow and hopefully, I can join in next weekend in China. For now, please enjoy these still moments as the sun goes down.

24 thoughts on “#WeekendCoffeeShare: Weekend in China

  1. How old is your cousin? I like to get down to specifics………. However, I thought this was just a THING in the US with lazy children…….and ungrateful children……mostly spoiled children……… Does he live in China or is he visiting your grandmother like you are? Maybe I’m just too nosey! Take all the photos you can, I want to see everything !

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You are back in China again? I don’t know about your cousin. If he has a mental illness it’s not something he can help behavior or mentally at this point. If he’s depressed it might be that playing video games is his version of lying in bed. If he’s bi-polar you wold notice his behavior is very erratic. He might be extremely excitable and get a lot done, then suddenly he doesn’t move. Anxiety might make it hard for him to leave the house b/c he has unfounded but to him, very real fears of dealing with others or even finding a job with his difficulties.

    You need to take him out to see a psychiatrist as he is family and you’re worried about him. Get a relative to help you. If he’s bipolar a lot of there issues are mental but also behaviorist. And after the right medications etc. behavior can be changed. Cognitive Behavorial Therapy is useful for that as using your Grandma and essentially guilting her into giving him money is a behavior that needs to be changed. If there is social assistance for the mentally ill who can5 work, that’s what he needs to be on. People usually do not fake mental illness and are often not aware of it in onset, usually in mid-teens to twenties.

    But if he’s perfectly healthy and doing this, this is stealing and your Grandma should report elder abuse if you have that there or at least threaten too.

    Hope your visit to China has more good than bad.

    Liked by 1 person

    • The thing is, he’s only acting this way toward certain people and I don’t know why. He has had multiple jobs over the years and he ended up getting fired from those jobs because of not showing up to work or using social media on his phone instead of doing his work.

      I’ve had multiple encounters with him the last time I visited China and he seemed to act fine when his mother’s with him. He talked, he’s polite, and he was energized. However, without his mother’s presence, he’s a completely different person.

      His mother took him to a psychiatrist last year and he was diagnosed with depression and insomnia and was prescribed with meds. However, I don’t know whether he kept going to see the psychiatrist or not.

      Liked by 1 person

      • He should see his psychiatrist monthly until he’s stable, then every two or three months.He might need someone to go with him until he realizes he’s sick and needs these visits and to take his meds. I have a lot of experience with insomnia and not being able to sleep for nights on end or tossing and turning most of the night; it is exhausting. People get used to sleep medication very fast as well. Most people with mental illness are different around people they trust too such as his mother. It maybe difficult for him to get along or handle others in this state b/c you have to be nicer more polite etc to strangers.

        If he’s lost so many jobs I think that’s not only his behaviour but the mental illness. He probably isn’t motivated to work and that’s why he’s on his phone etc. Depression can do that. Not only sadness or more a depression of the body (lack of energy), but also not having it in you to get up and do what you know you should.
        I don’t see him or know what he’s exactly going through. But give him the benefit of the doubt depression is more than what’s visible to others.
        You can just encourage him and help him sleep well so he has more energy and motivation to want to work somewhere he can handle. Spend time with him and maybe he’ll talk with you more. Do stuff he likes or make him his favorite snack and ask general questions like you would getting to know a friend. You can also help him find resources for people with health conditions, especially if it’s ongoing, so he can have an income. Be his friend and ask him about your Grandma. He can’t work so he begs for money from her and this still isn’t right. So tell him that, help him find other options. Perhaps if he had them, once his meds are stable etc he can find a job even part time or have this other income, b/c using his Grandma is not allowed. It’s elder abuse. And tell
        Him so and also tell your Grandma. It’s all you can do.
        Hope that helps. Let me know. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • I have tried to help him before and for a while, it seemed to have helped but after a while, he fell back to his old self. Maybe we have been apart for too long and I’m now considered a stranger to him. I mean, personally, I don’t know what he’s going through either. Maybe he’s going through a phase like when I was in college. I was anxious and depressed for a time too when I was in school and I didn’t want to tell anybody or let anybody help me but it seemed eventually, it resolved itself. Do you think this might be a phase that maybe one day, all of a sudden, he would realize and maybe tell somebody about it? Because it seems like I could get through him quite easily last time but it’s been harder this time. I remember there was a time when I wouldn’t let anyone in too. Can he be going through the same thing at the moment? I wonder.


      • Sometimes depression and related things are a phase and sometimes they are not. You’d have to find out what his doctor has diagnosed him as currently. If he had a similar situation before it seems to me this isn’t just a phase. He may have down times and not be badly depressed always but also many depressed person are still always dealing with the illness in some form or in some way, even if they aren’t really bad at a certain time. Even with meds, however, that help he could have times he’s better able to work or do things and times he’s tired, not feeling well, feeling reserved. Sort of how sometimes u feel worse anxiety and other times you’re better. It might be a phase but maybe helping him might require talking to his mom more about it. Saying you’d like to help him but you’re not sure if he’s always depressed or if it’s just sometimes. If he consistently has depressed episodes that’s likely major depression or leading to that diagnosis. If he’s had one or two times he’s low or too fatigued to do much, it’s hard to tell but a good bet he’ll be dealing with the issue again. Either way, having someone to talk to and encourage him will help. Just keep trying. Sometimes getting out might help him too to a movie or a concert, something he’d like. Even out for dinner with you. He might feel better getting out with someone a bit. Mental illness can be such a gray area and different for each person despite some similarities so just do your best to support him. You can’t make him get or keep a job. But you can encourage him to slowly move out of his comfort zone and be a friend. Encourage him to take his meds (if he’s not) and say “you’re a lot more cheerful and happier when you do” something like that if that’s an issue. Some of it is behaviour and therapy of some kind might be What’s needed whether it’s CBT or occupational therapy so he can work somewhere that has more understanding for mental illness. I’m not sure how that works in China though. My Dad who goes there for work and vacation often, says mental illness is still very hidden within families and not a public thing. That also makes it hard for jobs etc. Did u ask him why he keeps asking his Grandma for money? Is there such a thing as benefits for people who can’t work in China? Or does the family have to support him? I’d research it and see what you can find.
        Hope that helps. Have some fun while you’re there too. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • The last time, he needed money to pay for his cat’s surgery. He has two cats – one male and one female. He needed 1000-dollars to prevent the female from getting pregnant. My grandma gave him 500. I don’t know about the other times though. I think it’s a good thing he has pets, they can sometimes be a good distraction from his depression. I think it just takes time to get through. I just wish I’m more present with him and not on another continent with 10+-hours time difference.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Yes, the pets help a lot. And at least then, he’s responsible for some other creatures, not just himself. If he gets better from his current episode maybe he can work. I’m just wondering if it’s hard b/c maybe it starts out well and then had another episode and then his work suffers. Just do as much as you can. You have to live your life and stuff to, you can talk
        To him when you’re here and Skype with or something like that. Use We Chat when you’re not there. That might help. The time difference does make it hard. Then again, if he’s not sleeping maybe it will be easier to arrange chats? Best of luck. It’s a hard situation.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Hey! Lovely post and China’s beautiful. Lovely photos of the soothing sunset! It’s mesmerising. I had visited China in Jan’18 when the climate was freezing, literally! But I had a great time. Pls do visit my blog and check out about my travel diaries from China. I visited Shanghai, Hangzhou, Shaoxing and Beijing 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow, you went to quite a lot of places in China. I was there around that same time too but I was in the south and it didn’t get cold until the end of the month. Thank you for reading.

      Liked by 1 person

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