June 6, 1996, so I’ve been told, was the date of my father’s passing.

From what I’ve been told, he was in Macau for a business trip when he collapsed in a restaurant. No one knew to do CPR on him and by the time the ambulance came, it was too late.

I visited Macau in 2018 to get a copy of dad’s death certificate in order to complete some business (I can’t recall) for mom and I must say, Macau didn’t make a good impression on me. I didn’t mind the fact that everything was either in traditional Chinese characters or in Portuguese. Some of the words were similar enough to English that I could make out its meaning. The thing was the streets weren’t straight, every streets, roads, and alleyways seemed to be designed in slanted way. Even with Google Maps, I couldn’t navigate to where I was going.

Then there were the crowds. It was worse than the crowds in London. I remember being almost pushed off the bus that night from behind because some greedy person wanted to get on. It was probably the third time I almost got pushed out of something during my two visits to China.

I wondered if it was just as crowded that day. Mom told me it was hot – around 40-degrees-Celsius. That’s hot. Even when I visited in January, it was quite warm.

I don’t remember much from that day in 1996 other than it was just another day in kindergarten. I was five. I can’t remember what happened in school that day but then I can’t remember much from school ever. The next thing I remembered was being picked up after school like usual. Perhaps my subconscious blocked it out for my own good or maybe every memories was over-ridden by the three years I was left in China while mom was in the U.S.

Anyway, this was brought to the forefront of my subconscious as mom once again wondered what would’ve been like if he was still alive. She’s doing that more and more, I wonder why.

I think she’s jealous of her well-off high school classmates who’s always traveling the world, taking selfies like a bunch of teenagers without a care unlike us. When we travel, our minds (at least my mind) are always running calculations. Should we buy this? Should we buy that? Is it worth it? I guess it’s an old habit that’s difficult to rid because when a person grew up poor, this habit sticks with you for life.

I also think it’s what sets me apart from my male cousins because their parents treated them like kings and me like a charity case when we were young.

This is a picture of my parents and to be honest, my memories of my dad fade just ever so slightly as I age. I used to remember him so well but over the years, those memories have dimmed.

So June 6th. Some people commemorate D-Day, for some, this might be their birthday, anniversary, or some special occasion, for me, it’s just another day with a touch of significance.