I made this graphic for a blog post eons ago, back when I was still using a flip phone and every call and text cost a pretty penny. To my surprise, every point except that still stands true to this day.

Me being alone does equate to freedom.

Mom believes because of my lack of siblings that I’m lonely and need constant companionship. Therefore, I shall never be alone.

The thing is, I want to be alone. It’s actually the only thing that can calm my anxiety, the only thing that can calm my brain from playing worst scenarios. I guess it’s one of those things only someone like me will understand.

I was alone at home for most of yesterday and it was heavenly. When I woke up, there was no YouTube videos playing, no slamming of the computer mouse. It was total silence except the sound of the light drizzle of rain outside.

Mom goes to the office on Thursdays and although she usually comes home after a few hours, she was gone until 3 PM. Despite the light drizzle of rain, I still made my daily garden morning visits. The rain made the visit extra special as the garden was filled with all kinds of fresh aromas and the damp air actually felt nice.

After the visit, I picked some kale for brunch. I have grown fond of kale ever since I grew them last year. Kale is one of those things that, I feel, is astronomical better home grown. Even if you don’t like kale, this stuff will make you a convert. Anyway, I am growing both the dinosaur kale and red kale this year and yesterday, I decided to mix it up, pick some of each and cook it down to a stock. So far, veggie soup is the only way I know how to cook and eat kale and, boy oh boy, is that addictive.

I don’t make this soup when mom’s around because she would’ve complained about the non-existent mess I made in the kitchen and would’ve made my anxiety go haywire by sticking her arm in between mine to clean up non-existent messes while putting on a face of disgust, which would instantaneously make me say bye to my appetite.

As I waited for my soup to simmer, it started to rain hard – very rare especially during summer. For once, I wished I have a rain catchment system. Rainwater is a treasure in the garden. It’s been raining on and off for the last 2 days and the garden is so much greener because of it. “Nature’s water” is like this magic potion with secret ingredients, which I can never reproduce with fertilizers, whether organic or inorganic.

Immediately, I thought of an idea. I recently bought 2 large plastic bins to water my containers. Despite raining, I hurried outside, grabbed the bins, removed the gutter extension which allowed the water to go from the gutter to the ground, and placed the bins directly beneath. The water started coming from the gutter and soon, I had 2 bins full of rainwater.

That should last me a few days. If mom were here, she would’ve never allowed me to do this. “It’s foolish,” she’d said, “we have plenty of water and it isn’t like we can’t afford water.” It isn’t about the affordability. Like I said, rainwater has magical qualities which cannot be reproduced using chemicals. Plants love it.