Good morning! Welcome to #weekendcoffeeshare, hosted by Natalie of Natalie the Explorer, who is taking a break this week (so no link-up) but please still feel free to come on in and have a drink and a chat.
My friend texted me this week, wanting to invite me to her home for her son’s birthday party. She called, too, but my phone automatically sent her to voicemail because it was after 10 PM. I was asleep since I have to work the next day.
The last time we texted, she was asking if my workplace was hiring. When I replied no, she replied with a crying emoji. It made me wonder, is this what I’m good for? A friend on demand?
The last time we talked, she insisted on video chat, despite my resistence to turn my camera on as I was readied for bed. We ended up talking for a long time (at least it was what it felt like to me) with her making these crazy plans of how to ditch my mom and family.
Perhaps I’m just too far gone from ever being helped by anyone. Perhaps, my co-dependency issues has run too deep to be fixed. Her plan basically entails me hoarding money each month and then secretly move into an apartment. How does one “secretly” move out of one’s house? Don’t answer that, it’s a rhetorical question.
Then, one weekend in June, as I was driving home after a long day with my aunts, she called and asked me to go over to her house to “play”. What are we? 12? She has 2 kids and a husband at home, what about them? It was near dinner time, don’t they have to eat?
Anyway, after completing 3 major garden projects in the last 2 weeks and driving my aunt around on her days off and with my mom home, all I want to do this weekend is just stay home and be a couch potato. I waited until the next day to respond to my friend’s text, telling her I won’t be able to make it. There’s no way I would be spending my weekend at a kid’s birthday party. I barely have enough energy as it is.
She texted back with a crying emoji, which made me start to feel guilty. Was I wrong to say no? I know I want to hang out more but I must think of myself first, right?
Why does friendship feel so demanding all of a sudden?
I appreciate you stopping by. Until next we chat. 🙂
This is Another Story 
You have enough on your plate. You can decline any advice or invitations you want. You do come first.
I’m happy to see that you are putting yourself first in some areas.
Love and Light.
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Thank you. ☺️
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No, you were not wrong to say ‘no’. I’ve had similar experiences and every time I say no to someone I feel guilty, but you know what… self care is not selfish. You’re the most important person in your life❤
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Thank you, it’s been a long while since I’ve had a friend and I didn’t know they could be so demanding.
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I don’t think you were wrong to decline. You have to put yourself first as sadly no-one else does.
I had a work colleague who only contacted me when she wanted to feel better about herself and for me to build her up. I invited her round for a meal but she never turned up, no apology, nothing.
She rang some months later to ask what software we’d used at the bank as she couldn’t remember and needed to put them on her CV for a job she was going for, but didn’t mention the meal she never turned up for. Three months after that she rang to say she’d lost her new job and it was my fault. Turns out she’d led her interviewers to believe she could install software when she had only used it. That was over 20 years ago and we’ve moved three times since then.
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That didn’t sound like a good friend.
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Even ‘fairweather’ doesn’t come close actually.
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They say to have a friend, you have to be a friend. Sometimes it’s hard work.
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That’s a little too much work for my taste.
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I’m sorry.
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Hey, you weren’t wrong to say ‘no’. Don’t go beating yourself up. IT is important to have ME time in our life. I had to get tough with one of my friends after years of propping her up.. She is a sapper and an alcholic. IT was tough but I gradually backed away because she would not help herself.
Yes, we need to be there for our friends in crisis … but your friend sounds erm …
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Well, I don’t really know her, to be honest. I can’t even recall how we met except one day, she suddenly came up to me and claimed me as her friend. We hardly had anything in common other than being in the same undergrad program in college. Now, she hasn’t talked to me in 8 years and in April of this year, she suddenly called me, wanting to be my friend. I’m still suspicious of her motive but seriously though, I just didn’t feel like being around kids. I ended up spending the weekend catching up on my sleep.
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I have a friend like this and we have been friends for almost 20 years now. I quite early on had a big discussion with her about being an introvert and how I needed to have slow energy events to be able to cope. I also happen to be on the spectrum. She in turn had ADHD and while no diagnosis her psychologist mentioned she has behaviors that indicate possible bipolar. We have open and honest communication about our needs and it’s ok I can’t do things with her that she wants to do, that’s why we keep a variety of friendships 🙂 Our friendship time is debriefing on the phone about events, sometimes we meet for a coffee and a chat, we get our nails done together and on very rare occasions I will go to an event with her or meet one of her other friends. We don’t have alot of regular contact now as she works fifo, but she loves that I am always here for her and she doens’t have to feel guilty about not seeing me so much, and I also love that sometimes….just sometimes… I do need that push to do something different and outside my comfort zone, and there have been many times where I have really enjoyed myself. Do you think it’s possible to have that talk and set some boundaries? wishing you all the best.
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I’m not sure if I could’ve done the same thing as you did with having the discussion about you being an introvert. I am, too, an introvert but I don’t know if I would’ve had the courage to tell my friend to kindly back off from time to time.
My phone calls with my friend had recently transitioned to texts and somehow, I found that to be better because at least one of us knows when to end a conversation instead of constantly thinking of transition onto another topic like we did on the phone. I also think that by texting, it helps set a boundary that I’m comfortable with.
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