Do you believe in unconsciously punishing yourself?
This is somewhat of a continuation from my thoughts from 2 weeks ago.
My mom often said, “God is watching, he knows when you’ve done something wrong and will punish you for it.” Do you believe these words?
It all started the night my mom and I returned from our road trip mid-June. There was no sign signaling a road closure on the interstate until the last second. I came so close to hitting the cone and getting hit by another car as I was trying to merge onto the next lane. Meanwhile, mom was screaming her head off, “Are you trying to kill me?” in the passenger seat as I concentrated in yet merging into the another lane.
Was this just an unfortunate event? Or was it some sort of karma for me hating the way my mom is controlling every aspect of my life? Or was it punishment because I no longer cared to try my darnedest to please my mom?
Then, it happened again! Last week, as my mom and I were coming home from the day trip into the mountains. We were about a mile from home when a pickup truck slid into my lane. I swerved to avoid the collusion but, again, my mom was screaming her head off as I wondered if it was karma.
Why do I feel like an uncontrollable force is trying to kill me? Or worse, make me suffer?
It happened again yesterday when I accidentally slammed the lid to the trunk of my SUV on the handle of a shopping cart. There was no dent, thank God, just a scratch that unless you look close, you probably won’t notice.
That was when I went to pick up a couple of bags of soil and compost from the local garden center. I didn’t tell anyone where I went because I didn’t think I needed to. I am an adult, I have the right to buy stuff with my money without needing to recite a long drawn-out story of why I needed to buy something. My mom was 30 miles away with her sister. I wondered if that was punishment for buying, as my mom calls it, “garbage”? Or was it punishment for having so many negative thoughts recently?
Last week, my dietitian agreed that it would be a good idea for me to start therapy again but I’m afraid, will I be punished for speaking my thoughts?
This is Another Story 
God loves us always. Absolutely always.
You may just have been distracted because of your inner battle. You are not punished. You may be stressed more than you should be.
Therapy is where we go to speak without shame.
I hope your therapist will be able to guide you. Be honest there. You go for healing and information.
Best blessings.
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At church, I was taught that God is pure love, that he loves everyone. Then my mom go and tell me that he’s watching and will punish if I disobey my mom. I feel like that’s something she tries to drill into my head so I be her robot to control.
The last time I went to therapy, the day after the sessions ended, I got into a car accident. I don’t know whether that’s punishment for not telling my mom where I was going that day or whether I was distracted by my mom’s phone call because I was angry that she wanted me to handle something she must do herself. It’s not fair how I’ve been treated, if you think about it.
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Darling heart, God does not punish us. He gives us free will. He is for you and with you. He waits for you.
There is cause and effect.
So, God was not punishing you. You were probably emotional after therapy, and you probably left, got into the car, and drove without taking time to regulate your emotions. That was an effect. Not God punishing you.
Always go for a coffee or milk shake or fruit shake – not alcohol – sit and regulate after therapy.
I’m a stranger, and I feel desperate for you.
I have no doubt that you are loved, but your mother and aunt are not aware of the effect they have on you.
I have no right to advise you. I do however think I would be neglectful if I didn’t tell you that you need help with this.
I read your blogs. I see your gentle spirit. I see your love for nature reflected in your pictures.
I want you to find a way to be comfortable at the very least, and happy, free to go on journeys for the sheer pleasure of it. I look forward to reading that one day.
And also, you can talk to God. I ask questions, He leads me to the answers.
God does not punish you.
I hope you get some professional guidance.
I am just someone who cares about you. Your honesty here is an act of bravery.
“You are good. You are kind. You are important.” Quoted from The Help. Movie. I mean that. You are good, kind and very important.
“This comes with all my best intentions.” Joy Luck Club.
Love Sasha
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You might attract conflicts with your mother, since she’s the main theme of your life’s issues but you surely won’t be punished for speaking your thoughts. In fact, I think it will be a relief. Give it a try, it’s worth it, if you ask me. Good luck whatever you decide.
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The last time I went to see a therapist, the day after my session ended, I got into a car accident. If that’s not punishment, I don’t know what is. Anyway, that’s why I’m afraid.
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I wouldn’t say it’s a punishment. Why would you be punished for working on relationship with your mother? It might be that you resist to the work on therapy so that you unconsciously sabotage it. Either way, I think therapy would benefit you, but it’s your call, yours alone.
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