Daily Prompt: When was the last time you felt really, truly lonely?

Um, I can’t remember. I actually want to write this post for a while, thanks, wordpress, for giving me this push with a prompt.

If you’d asked me when was the last time I truly felt depressed or angry or annoyed, that I can tell you. Truthfully, I’ve rarely felt loneliness. I am always surrounded by things whether being computers, electronic devices or people. My mom made sure of that.

Even when she left me for six months for basic training, she made sure I’m interacting with people. Every evening, I was told to ride the bus plus walk two blocks to her friend’s house every night for dinner and then wait for her friend’s son to finish his dinner so her friend could take me home. This sometimes took forever because he was like six and he didn’t like to eat unless his mom made him cry.

Anyway, even during those six months of living alone, I didn’t feel alone. I’ve always found something to occupy myself, always busy.  Now, my mom is preparing to go on another training next month, this time, for a month.

I am actually pretty excited because I’ve been surrounded with so many things and people lately that I feel a little overwhelmed and like a chance to be alone. Apparently, my mom doesn’t think so. She’s worried I’d get lonely and keeps asking me whether she should buy a plane ticket for my aunt to fly back here to keep me company. I am like “Hello, I’m almost 24, I don’t need a sitter.”

She’s afraid of something, I can tell, but she won’t say. The other night, I asked her, “Why do you not want me to be alone?”

She replied, “I just don’t want you to feel lonely.”

“Why, are you worried that something might happen to me?”

“Even if it happened, no one will know.” Because even though she’d only be 100 miles away, she’s not allowed to come home or use a phone.

At this point, I knew exactly what she was thinking and I said it. “Ah, you’re afraid I keel over and no one’s here to help me or discover my corpse.”

She laughed, “Maybe but if she’s here, she can call 911.”

“And I can’t?”

She laughed some more. “If you can call 911, then it’s not an emergency.”

I guess she’s got a point there. The thing is though, I’m perfectly healthy. I went to my doctor the other day and he said everything was normal. He didn’t even examine me. He’d sounded so relieved that for the first time after 4 years, I finally have some normal lab results. But I think my mom might be worrying about other things. I think she’s actually worrying about me suddenly dying like my dad. I’ve promised her a dozen times, “This won’t happen to me.” But she wouldn’t believe me. I’m still here, am I not?

“I’ll be fine. I think you should worry about yourself than worry about me.”  I told her but she wasn’t listening anymore. She was already onto other tasks, searching for plane tickets for my aunt on expedia.