#WeekendCoffeeShare: Week of Misery, Anxiety, and Happiness

Published on by Yinglan

Photo by Vee O on Unsplash

Good Saturday morning! Thank you for joining me. Get out of the snow and come in to the warmth and let’s get some drinks! Coffee? Tea?

I am out of ginger and ginger teabags, so if you want tea, I only have a sencha/matcha blend teabags which isn’t that bad. It’s got a pretty aroma, smells like roasted tea leaves.

If we were having hot drinks, I would tell you I was going to go hiking but the white stuff came. I’m talking about snow. Seriously, where is the spring-like weather from a week ago?! It’s like a week ago, it was spring and then winter took over again. This week has been rainy, snowy, and cloudy. The most beautiful day was yesterday, for most of the day anyway.

My hiking buddy asked if I can make a hike today. I told him, “depends on the weather.”

If we were having hot drinks, I would tell you the single thing that made me smile this week was seeing my tomato seedlings emerge.  I planted 16 tomatoes seeds about 10 days ago. On Thursday, three of the sixteen plants emerged and today, two more emerged. I wonder whether the remaining seeds died or just being lazy. I shared the pictures with my relatives and friends in China and one of them asked why I was doing this kind of thing.

Well, it calms me, that’s why. I feel like the only time I feel right (sane) is when I’m doing hands-on stuff like baking, cooking, and gardening. The other times, I feel anxious, nervous, and/or sad.

If we were having hot drinks, I would tell you my week has been pretty miserable. There wasn’t a night when my mom didn’t come home criticizing me and it’s always about the same things – about having no dinner, how the house is not clean, and about me not working. This is making me feel so miserable, angry, helpless, and sure makes me want to punch something.

I don’t know what to do. I mean, I tried cooking her dinner but she liked nothing I cooked. I made slow-cooked ribs last weekend and she said it was like eating sand-paper. I made her favorite coconut macaroons and she said they were much too sweet.

As for the cleaning, I clean everyday. I love to cook but she’s the reason I don’t want to cook and bake because the kitchen will not be the way she wants it even though I do wipe everything after.

*sigh* She has ridiculous standards, which I doubt anyone can satisfy.

If we were having hot drinks, I would thank you for joining me this weekend and hope to see you again next weekend.

44 thoughts on “#WeekendCoffeeShare: Week of Misery, Anxiety, and Happiness”

    1. I have a place of my own, my mom just insists she lives in my place instead of her own house. Also, it’s her house to her friends and when something breaks, it’s mine. *sigh* However, she said she’d move out if I get a husband. Hmm…

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  2. Hi YanYin, we are both depressed. It very easy to say out of things and do something. It is not easy to do. I look around for someone in more terrible then my self. I can always find one. Right now, I have a home, cold and safety and not homeless. I am smiling today as my good caregiver show up and she has for for a pizza. Sometimes you need to force yourself. I will have you in my thoughts and prayers. Your Mother sounds like she is very unhappy. No work lot for volunteer activities. Some one always needs Fred help. I am a virtual shut in and got real depress last week when I lost the internet and a caregiver have me problems. Good luck!

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    1. Thank you. I regret very much getting my mom her job because if I hadn’t gotten her that job, she probably wouldn’t be so mean these days. I think going out and doing something definitely helps, though making that move really takes motivation.

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  8. Gardening and seeing your seedlings sprout always makes me feel good too. I’m sorry your mother is giving you a hard time. Perhaps you could sit down with her and say how it makes you feel and tell her that when you try she is so critical that it makes you feel like not trying again. But do it in regard to how it makes you feel don’t accuse her of bad behaviour. Good luck and I hope you have a better week.

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    1. I would never accuse her of bad behavior. I know her acting this way is due to stress and I have tried to sit her down for a conversation but it wasn’t possible. She simply wouldn’t listen to anything I have to say. She just got up and walked away.
      Thank you for reading and I really hope this coming week will be better.

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    1. Sure, I got the recipe from joyofbaking.com. Search under the Cookie recipe category or the index and you should find the recipe there. This baker is super detail. She even has a video to show you how to do it. Enjoy.

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  10. I am sorry to hear your mother is making a difficult situation worse. If you looking for advice, I’d chime in and say you both need outside endeavors or interests to give each other space.

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  11. Very neat! And off topic a bit, but my wife is raising succulents in the exact same planter that your tomatoes are in. We were wondering, when they get bigger can we just break apart the individual trays and plant the whole thing in the ground, or does the plant and roots have to be removed?

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    1. That is an interesting question and unfortunately, not one I can answer. This is my first time growing tomatoes or any sort of plants in this manner. I only know when the time comes, I have to pull the plant one-by-one from the planter and plant them into the ground. I’m sure at that point, it’s possible the planter will have to be ripped open but I’m not sure at this point.

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    1. She definitely is using me as a punching bag and I am surely wishing one of my aunts is here at the moment so I can take a break from being my mom’s punching bag. *sigh*

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  13. Pingback: #DSFWeeklyRewind: What a Crazy Week! | This is Another Story

  14. Yinglan I’m sorry for your week. Once I was having dinner with a friend. She is about 55 and the funnest person. Back in University, she was my Boss at the bookstore. She’s always been my friend. She told me one time. “Amanda you’re an adult you do not have to please your parents. If they don’t like something you are doing and feel passionate about that’s their problems. Even though you’re at home now, your job is not to meet their every demand. You can respect them and help out, but your job is to have a life and build one of your own. Respecting them is not doing exactly they want you to do.” My friend Evelyn, echoed this. She was 98 when she passed. “It is not my kids job to please & take care of me. I chose to have a kids, that was my choice. They do not owe for being born. I chose that. So, if they take care of me now, I know they have to have their own lives and look out for themselves & there family too. They can’t always do what I want. That’s okay. I know when they do care for me, they do so b/c they love me, not because they owe me or feel they have to.”

    So, I hope that advice helps. You do not have to please your Mom. And you do not owe her. You are helping her out living with her, doing the best you can to make ends meet. I would explain, I don’t cook b/c u never eat what I cook. You criticize me. You always criticize me. So, I’m done. I do not owe u for giving birth and having me as a child. You chose to have a child, that was your choice not mine. I respect you, but I’m not going to put up with your rude behavior. I love you, but I’m not your slave or worker. Cook for yourself what you like, and just ignore her. If she diesnt like it she can live elsewhere, Rights?

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    1. Evelyn must had been a very wise woman.
      I just wish my mom felt the same way and I have talked to her about this. She believes having a child is to have someone take care of her when she gets old. She sees it as an obligation. Also, she’s constantly telling me she doesn’t need me and that I should go out and get a life and the next thing I knew, she needs me to stay at home. I’m like, what kind of confusing message is that?!

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      1. That’s very confusing and it’s manipulative is what is truly is. I think you do your own thing and respect your mother in your own way as best as you can. Again, it was her choice yo have kids, not yours. And you can use that when she acts manipulative. She’s not ‘old’ yet, and should have her own life too. Evelyn was amazing. Flawed too but a wise lady 🙂 I miss her. She’s been gone just over a year.

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  15. Congratulations on your seedlings! They are beautiful. I keep plants around the house and a few herbs outside for the same reason as you, it just feels good to use my hands to care for something and help it grow. I hope your mother eases up on you. You don’t deserve to feel so down about yourself. Maybe try talking to her about it. Even if she doesn’t change at least you will have expressed how you feel. Thank you so much for the coffee!

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    1. Thank you. I like to keep plants around the house too. Plants give a sense of life in the house and it does feel good to care for something.
      I’m not sure if there is a reason to talk to my mom about anything anymore. i tried a few times and every time, she will either criticize or laugh in my face, not taking me seriously. She’s not the type of person who would change for anyone. 😔
      Thank you for stopping by.

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  17. Pingback: #WeekendCoffeeShare: A Better Week | This is Another Story

  18. Hiya! I’m new to your blog and felt compelled to say hi and ouch! Sounds like you’re just being used as a punchbag by your mum who’s clearly unhappy or stressed. I don’t know how old you are as this is the gist of your posts that I’ve seen, but if I was in your shoes and you can’t have a little more space, I’d calmly and every single time she says something negative tell her. Tell her “I’m sorry you feel that way, that her words have hurt you, you’re trying to please her, but you will not be her punchbag any more.” Almost as though you are being the adult and she is behaving like the spoilt child having a tantrum. Sounds like she wants you to get down in the dumps and as if that makes her feel better. I’d change the pattern and be really consistent … do it every single time without being overly emotional! There we are that’s my view for the day!! I hope it helps, you sound like a total sweetie … Katie x

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    1. Thank you for visiting my blog. That’s exactly what I am to her, a punching bag and I am sick of it. I’m basically someone in her late mid 20’s being emotional tortured in her own home by her mother. *sigh

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