#WeekendCoffeeShare: Uncontrollable


Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Good Monday morning. Thank you for joining me for #WeekendCoffeeShare on a Monday. I am once again at work. So come and enjoy a cup of hot beverage with me. 

If we were having coffee, I would tell you I spent the last two days catching up on my sleep and running errands with my mom. After the 48-hour work week, I was beyond exhausted. My days begin at 5 am now and even though I wish it was later, I don’t really care now, as long as I can get my mom to stop talking.

She lectures me on everything and anything. She just want to control everything.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you I find myself constantly swallowing sobs. Even at work, I would all of the sudden feel a sob in my throat, wanting to get out. Why does she want to control everything? She makes everyone around her so miserable, why?

If we were having coffee, I would tell you I felt that same feeling last Friday as I had two years ago when my mom threatened to kick me out. It felt like deja vu or was it paranoia? I can never tell but it was the feeling. I hated that feeling.

I shouldn’t have to ask permission when I want to buy something. It’s my money.

All I wanted was an extra power bank for my tablet, one with a smaller number of milli-amp hour (mAh) so I don’t have to bring my big power bank home from work every day. If you don’t know what a power bank is, it’s a gadget that holds power so you don’t need an electrical outlet to charge your phone or in my case, a tablet.

Did that warrant an-hour-long-lecture?

No, it did not. Essentially, she gave me a dozen reasons of why I shouldn’t get one. “Just shut up,” I screamed at her finally. “I don’t want to hear it anymore.” I almost said, “I’m sorry. You’re right.” But I wasn’t about to apologize for that. Call me stubborn but I don’t think I need permission to purchase something.

We did not speak for the remainder of the night and Saturday morning. It honestly made me feel sad and angry to get lectured like that but I felt a little proud to speak up because it showed her I’m not her little minion that she can control.

It also made me anxious because it sounded like she was going to play that “kick me out.” card again but she can’t this time since this is my house. Still, I couldn’t shake that uneasy feeling at all.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you I am looking forward to August. Not only my mom is going to China again at the end of the month, I’m planning a road trip for the Labor Day weekend and I am super excited about it. It’s the thing that will keep me going for the next month.

If we were having coffee, I would thank you for joining me this week and hopefully, I will be back this weekend.

16 thoughts on “#WeekendCoffeeShare: Uncontrollable

    • She has plenty of friends. She just don’t like them and they don’t talk to her unless they need something which is not what friends are for. As for hobbies, she’s never been interested in anything, at least nothing that I’m aware of.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I think you need to move out too. Or, move your mom out. She is definitely overstepping her boundaries if she’s efffecting your mental health and you’re effected at work. If you move permanently, your mom should assume the mortgage too.

    Either way, even if u can go on AirB&B and find a place for a couple of weeks to avoid her, I’d do that. You can find rooms and little apartments. If you have the money, book for 2 weeks to a month. They usually give discounts if you stay a week or longer. That way you’re in a furnished space, but it’s cheaper than an apartment. Try that first maybe? If not, well bigger Decisions have to be made for your sake. Good luck. Let me know how it goes.

    Liked by 1 person

    • What is an AirB&B? I heard of it on the radio but I’ve never actually seen it anywhere. Maybe somewhere in major cities? I think part of the problem though is the money, most of my paycheck nowadays are thrown into bills (especially my medical bills) and mortgage which sucks but I think once I’m done with paying for my cPAP machine, I’ll have less medical bills and I’ve started saving up for my rainy day funds again after draining it during my unemployment period. So hopefully, I’ll have something saved up soon. Until then, I guess there’s nothing I can really do except bear the misery.

      Liked by 1 person

      • It’s where people rent out their condos or a room (get a room and bathroom at least) to others for vacation or a longer stay. Airbnb.com. Ensure the place has good ratings from others and talk with the host on the website or app. You can look up possible”getaway” places in your home city.

        Maybe, you can even find some place close to work? Rooms alone tend to be cheaper, but they don’t give the best privacy. Go for a place that looks nicer in the pics — it’s worth it. Also ensure u have a bed to sleep on, not just a couch. It seems like more work, but it’s often much cheaper than a hotel which will run you $150/night minimum for a descent room.
        Good luck!

        Liked by 1 person

      • I didn’t know those were called airbnb. I thought they were called sublets. Hey, I learned something new! 😀
        I’m not sure $150/night is considered cheaper than a hotel here since most motels are about 60-70/night. Still, I bet they’re cleaner than a motel.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I think people can sublet as well. AirBnB is more for travel and is done through their website or app. It’s based on good customer reviews. However subletting would also be a good option for you!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m so sorry about your challenges. It’s not fun at all when you can’t be yourself at home. I grew up with constant lectures by my step dad. I know how horrible it is. I hope you find a solution to the situation. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • I grew up with a step dad. He was nice to me but unfortunately, he also had his emotional moments. I think he might be bi-polar and not knew it. I wish he was here because he would be a relief compared to my mom.

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  3. Hey… I guess sometimes moms think just because we are their kids, we need to listen to them and that they know better… even when we are adults! My mom sometimes is like that and she tried to “persuade” me in the way I raise my kids, going to trips etc. But I am married with kids, come on! I couldn’t say it to her to let me me an adult, so I wrote her an email to tell her. She seems ok but then she would go back to her old self after a week……

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s exactly how my mom thinks. At times, she thinks she’s the best mother in the world. I told her once about me being an adult and that I should be able to make my own decisions but then she would stop talking to me until she absolutely needs my help for something. Then once we start speaking, she would be back to her old self.

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