Stress Talk #5: Family of Baggers


I dislike it when people use these words: “This is nice but…” or “I like it but…” because the “but” implies otherwise. If you don’t like it, tell me, don’t give me such inconclusive answer, you know what it does to me. It irritates me and next thing I know, my Fitbit will tell me I’m stressed.


Photo by Hillary Black on Unsplash

A few weeks ago, I finally invested in a standing desk for my home office. My back was in pain after 9 months of working from home that there were days I found myself not being able to get out of bed. Anyway, I bought a brand-new desk for $250 – the kind with a motor and button to raise the desk up or lower it down.

Excited, I put it together with manual tools and as I put together my brand-new desk, mom was criticizing. “The material is so cheap. How much did you pay for this? For these composite boards?”

“Why do you care?” I told her, “the most important thing to me is whether it works.”

A week later, while shopping at Costco, she pointed out a white desk similar to my black one. It was $50 more expensive, was white with a glass surface with a USB plugs on the side. “See how nice this is?” She said. “Much nicer than yours. The material is much more steady.”

“Then why don’t you buy it?” I snapped.


Photo by Obi Onyeador on Unsplash

I spent a few hours last Sunday looking at cars online. It wasn’t for me. I have a car which I still love. The car was my uncle which has to be the most sensible man I’ve ever met. He’s very picky about a lot of things – too many to even name.

He wanted a Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo but thought was too expensive. He wanted me to find him a cheaper Jeep. I don’t know where people get this idea that I know where to find cheap things.

There are only so many Jeeps on sale within the 25-mile radius. I’m not a magician. I cannot produce more result with a snap of my fingers. “Keep looking.” He said.

After an hour of exhausted effort, mom convinced him to look at Fords instead. Sighing, I typed the word “Ford” into the search box. The first one popping up on the screen was a Ford Edge. “What’s the ??” I turned to mom questioningly. What the heck did he say? My uncle was talking “cars” in Chinese. I barely understand “cars” in English. What made the family think I understood cars in Chinese?

It turned out he was asking how many liter was the engine. “1.5 Liters.” I said. He pinched his face, not enough power. “My car is 1.6L.” I pointed out for reference.

“And that’s why it has a hard time climbing a steep hill.” My aunt said.

I inhaled a quick breath, just ignore her. You can do this.

I went to the next car – Ford Escape Titanium – “Okay, how about this? 2.5 Liters engine.”

“What’s included?” Mom asked. I proceeded to read the entire list and translated one-by-one in my head. By the time I finished, my voice was coarse, my throat was parched, and I could feel my hands shaking. “This is a nice car,” mom said, “why doesn’t your car come with these features?”

This made me angry. Stop bagging on my car. The voice in my head screamed. Who cares if my car didn’t have these features? All it matters is it works. All it matters is that it’ll get me from one place to another without breaking down. All it matters is that I don’t have to spend a ton of money fixing it.

Who cares if there no sunroof? Who cares if there’s no parking assist? Who cares if there’s no blind spot detector? Everyone has different standards and my standards happen to be low. I just don’t want to buy a broken machine nor do I want one with too many bells and whistles to the point I’m relying on these features to drive.

Haven’t you heard of a robot apocalypse?

I like functional and easy to use.

Stop bagging on my stuff!

10 thoughts on “Stress Talk #5: Family of Baggers

  1. I can completely relate to just wanting a reliable car without all the bells and whistles. This coming year I plan to buy a new car and I’m dreading the search. But I’m at least good at the bargaining part. I’ve never paid full price. I just get up and start to leave if they don’t give me what I’m willing to offer them. It pays to know the blue book value of a car before you decide to buy.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I don’t like car shopping as well but am often forced to for family. I don’t know where people got the idea I’m a good shopper of any kind. I hate shopping. Don’t you just wish there’s a site that you can just enter all you’re looking for in a car and then a screen would pop up with just the car you need?
      Wow, I could’ve used you when I bought my car. I brought my mom along so she could bargain for me but she did nothing.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yes, that would be an amazing thing if there were ever such a site. The last time I bought a car they ran after me agreeing to my terms. Lol… My hubby loves taking me with him when buying a car because he never has to say a word. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  2. The but is a very important word and it’s good to realise the effect it has. Ultimately you cannot alter the sender’s message but you can change how you receive it. In this case, that is their way of communicating, and is expected. Never be surprised again and although it is not helpful, let it be or challenge it.

    And the criticism seems to be a chronic thing which I understand and went through. I accepted that’s how they are, and no longer associate with them, and the stage before that I accepted that’s the person’s character and didn’t let it bother me as people like that are resistant to change at all.

    Liked by 1 person

    • The tone of the message alters the perception of how the message is received too.
      And the criticism is not a one time thing. It’s constant and a person can only take so much before breaking down which I think I’m already there.

      Like

      • Yeah for sure.
        And sadly I did get that from the post, constant criticism is a drain and unfair. Remember, needless criticism reflects on their own unhappiness and insecurity only – not you. They are projecting on to you, which is horrible.

        Fight back! Or cut them off. That’s what I’ve found to work best.

        Liked by 1 person

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