#WeekendCoffeeShare: This isn’t called Selfish

Photo by carolyn christine on Unsplash

Good morning, thank you for joining me for another #WeekendCoffeeShare. I’m having a steamy cup of hot cocoa with lots of mini marshmallows. Would you like some? Here, we’ll sit six feet apart so we can adhere to the social distant law of 2020.

It’s been nice to talk to someone again. Other than the weekly meeting with my colleagues and an occasion customer on the phone complaining about a bill, I hardly talked to anyone these days.

When I try to speak at home, mom would tell me to shut up. She doesn’t really talk to me these days. All she does is watch YouTube videos 15-20 hours a day and will only speak to me when she either needs me to do something or to insult me about petty little things.

This leads me to feel a little down or depress at times these days.

Anyway, my department had our annual Christmas meal yesterday. Each person was allow to get $40 worth of food at the restaurant of their choice. I went with a local barbecue joint and the food was fantastic or maybe because I haven’t had barbecue in a while.

I got a 4 meat combo meal with St. Louis Ribs, chicken leg and thigh, sausage, and brisket with mac n’ cheese, baked beans, coleslaw, corn chowder, a corn muffin, and 4 spears of deep fried pickles or as they’re called, “frickles”, all for under $30. I couldn’t stop saying Frickles. It’s such a fun word to say.

My colleagues and I spent almost 3 hours chatting, seeing each other for the first time in a long time, and we played trivia games on Kahoot. It was the most fun I’ve had in a long while.

Of course, Mom couldn’t let me have fun. The day before the party, Mom kept asking why I have to get barbecue. “Why don’t you get Red Lobster and share with me?” She said.

“Why don’t you?” I snapped back.

Photo by David Todd McCarty on Unsplash

She got $45 DoorDash gift card from her department to get the meal of her choice but for some reason, she wanted me to get Red Lobster with my $40 and share with her. “But I don’t like lobsters.” I told her even though I know there are many more items on the menu than lobster. I just knew mom would make me order lobster.

“You have $45. Why don’t you order Red Lobsters?” I have been craving barbecue all year long. I cannot remember when I last had such strange cravings as barbecue meats and burgers. 2020 is so weird.

“Don’t be so selfish.” Mom replied, playing the “selfish” card again, “Share with your mother.”

Why? Why can’t I just enjoy a meal with things I like to eat? Why do I always have to go out of my way and please everyone? Is it wrong to satisfy myself once in a while? This isn’t called selfish, it’s self-care, right?

Anyway, I’m looking forward to next week. It’s a short work week for me – only two days – and even though I’m not exactly looking forward to being stuck at home with mom, I think I might as well make the most of it by reading, watching movies, and other stuff.

I wish you a Merry Christmas and hope to return again next week.

19 thoughts on “#WeekendCoffeeShare: This isn’t called Selfish

  1. Order what you want.. it’s your gift, not hers. I had a mom who was was emotionally abusive, too. When I could, I married so I’d have an excuse to move out. My Husband’s family was (and still is) the same way, so he was glad to move out, too. Anymore, we only see his family twice a year… and last time, his parents didn’t even seem to know who he was. I offered to deliver them some Christmas, on top of the money we sent in their Christmas card, but he doesn’t even want to do that. Last week, when he was in hospital, they didn’t even call back after we let them know he was in hospital. It’s a vicious cycle that we’ve done our best to break. They’ve been mad since we couldn’t come up back in July because of covid. Dear one, please, enjoy your barbeque. Mom can get her own meal. You earned yours. Merry Christmas, dear one. I’ll be holding you in prayers this week. 🙂 Bear

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Holy cow, your husband’s family sounds so cruel and it’s awful to have treated you and your husband this way and to be angry because you couldn’t visit? That’s horrible. I’m sorry you and your husband are going though that. I feel a little better knowing I’m not the only one going through similar thing. I sometimes do wonder whether if this is normal parent behavior. Obviously not.
      The barbecue was delicious. Unfortunately, Mom had to eat a part of it while complaining the ribs were mushy. I should’ve tore that rib from her fingers. She didn’t deserve my generosity. I agree, she should get her own meal instead of always having what’s mine and thinking it’s her right.
      Thank you for dropping by and I wish you and your family a Merry Christmas.


  2. Immature people try to convince us that self-care is being selfish. They want us to put them first, before ourselves. This is a learned behavior and I suspect your mother acquired it from her own caregivers early in life. It’s very sad, but you must set boundaries for yourself and others. You have a right to what you earn. You deserved every delicious bite of the BBQ. Enjoy your time off and don’t allow your mother to make you feel guilty about anything that you work hard to achieve!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. As far as I know, her dad is like that too – believe it’s the right of the parent to have everything acquired by their offspring and that the child has to put them first. It’s so frustrating sometimes and I have come to find out her younger siblings are like this too.
      The food was great. I hope to re-visit this restaurant soon and I will definitely try to enjoy my time off in the coming week. Thank you for visiting and I wish you a Merry Christmas. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Well yuck Ying-Lan. People like you mom can really ruin a nice holiday event. I hope that BBQ turned out to be a real treat that you thoroughly enjoyed with people who care about you and know how to spread some joy with the season. This has to be one of the few times that I’m thankful for YouTube. I can recall maybe 20 times when I’ve watched a You Tube video. I’m one of those who just don’t get the attraction and think it’s a huge waste of time most of the time, but if it keeps your mom’s attention, then she is left with less time to abuse others. There’s at least one win in this mix.
    Wishing you and your family a great Christmas season with lots of both grace and joy to spread around.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t know of a holiday event where it wasn’t ruined by my mom, well, except if the event doesn’t involve her. The food was one of the best barbecue I’ve eaten in Utah even though I haven’t really eaten at a lot of barbecue places in Utah. Mom had to have her share of the food and complain about it, of course. The party was definitely a treat.
      I have more or less stopped watching YouTube in the last few weeks because I often have a hard time hearing anything except Mom’s videos. She likes to blast the volume to 100 so she can listen to whatever she’s watching even when she’s in the upstairs bathroom. I have to plug my ears with noise-isolating ear buds and even then, I still can’t hear my stuff. And I don’t understand why she watches the same videos over and over – just to annoy me??? I don’t think that’s a win in anyone’s books. 😀
      Thank you for visiting and I wish you and yours a Merry Christmas.


  4. Oh wow, your mother sounds horrible! I’m so sorry she treats you so badly. You definitely aren’t selfish. I’m so happy you enjoyed your barbecue meal. Frickles sounds like a great word indeed.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. She treats others just about the same, maybe sometimes slightly better. She often says “life is just a series of lessons” and she’s here to teach me those lessons, except what lessons?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I think that line is the line that really gets on my nerve. I’m an adult, not a child, don’t really need someone constantly teaching me life lessons. I can learn that on my own.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Ugh I know where you are coming from. My mother-in-law is about the same and that is why we live two hours away from her. But there is a little part of me that believes her when she said “I don’t know what to say” and that is her excuse to spend her hours watching YouTube and not engage with her children and grandchildren. As much as I want to hold on to that glimmer of hope, I know what she says is what she says. I feel my husband and I are suppressing ourselves to appease her. When we had our daughter two months ago, I no longer wanted to appease her with her piles of ridiculous unsolicited parenting advice. Even though I should nod and smile, it easier and more liberating to just explode. It’s better for my mental health.

    Anyways order what you want. Lobster is fancy, but I get my fill eating BBQ.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. here’s to self-care… sometimes one has to look out for oneself… suddenly I am craving barbecue too and nope never had lobster before not even sure where it can be found here but it would probably be somewhere I cant even afford to pronounce..ha!
    compliments of the Christmas season.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha! Sorry, hope you’ll find a way to satisfy that craving.
      Lobsters is one of those foods that can be very indulgent and rich when it’s done right but the important thing is it has to be fresh. If it’s not, then it can look like a pile of vomit (trust me, it’s happened to me before, ugh). So, yeah, I’m sticking with barbecue, at least it never fails to disappoint.
      Thank you for dropping by. Merry Christmas.


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