#AtoZChallenge 2021 – I Have Feelings, Too

When I was in middle school or high school, my mom would often point out teasingly that I have a low EQ (emotions quotient), sort of like low IQ except with emotions.

Do I? I often wonder. Is there even such thing?

She further explained it was because I don’t react like normal people or sometimes, I would have delay reaction. She often would threaten to drag me somewhere to have both my IQ and EQ tested to make sure I’m normal in both area.

Not very nice but of course, that was before we had our DNA tested, when she would often deny I’m the genetic product of her and my dad.

Personally, I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with my emotions. I think I’m just someone who’s so used to hiding feelings that I have forgotten how to show it.

My mom left for the U.S when I was almost seven-year-old. My dad had passed away almost two years before. She told me she needed a break, left, and never came back.

For the next three years, I became sort-of half-orphan – drifting between my mom’s sister’s home during the school semesters and my grandparents’ during the summer.

Both sides favored boys which made being a girl tough. I was always the one who got beaten, blamed, and yelled at either when something went wrong or one of the boys did something wrong. I was and would be living in the shadows of the boys.

Meanwhile, the boys were spoiled rotten.

Their parents and grandparents bought them all the foods they wanted – candy, soda, pizza – and all their clothes came from department stores while mine came from the flea market. They were like the princes while I was Cinderella – the girl in the spare room who no one notices.

I had to learn to wall off my feelings because otherwise, I would have cried every night, I would have thrown a tantrum every time the boys got what they wanted and I got nothing, I would have screamed, and believe me when I say if I’ve done those things, there would no doubt be repercussions.

Nowadays, this blog has become my savior. It’s become my safe place to release my inner feelings to help me stay sane in a household where my feelings are mostly unwelcome.

Theme: Of all the things I am

Click here to see all the #AtoZChallenge posts so far.

For more information about the #AtoZChallenge, check out this link.

3 thoughts on “#AtoZChallenge 2021 – I Have Feelings, Too

  1. EQ is certainly a thing. But given your circumstances you just started wearing armor as my wife calls it. As you get older it gets heavier and heavier. If this blog is your relief that’s great. It’ll save you from the heaviness later on.

    Liked by 1 person

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