The last two days might had been the most boring days ever. I did almost zilch.

On Saturday, I spent the morning harvesting and cleaning up – pulling out the plants that are done for the season while removing some of the yellow leaves. This came after I divided my two GreenStalk towers into three to help me better manage my plants since I’m not tall enough to see what’s going on in the top tiers.

Then I spent Sunday doing pretty much the same thing minus the harvest and garden cleaning but I did flattened all the empty Amazon boxes in my garage and stomping those large bubble wraps with my feet – real satisfying. I sure hope none of the neighbors thought it was a gun going off because that pop was loud.

I spent the afternoons browsing Hulu for something to watch. I tried watching shows about supernatural beings. I love this genre but the shows I found were not appealing to me.

With that said, I guess you can consider this a staycation of sort? A 3-day weekend doing next to nothing? Though I wouldn’t say it’s at all relaxing to me. I was constantly pacing as I felt antsy all over.

For as long as I can remember, I have trouble relaxing. For most people, getting a massage means relaxing. For me, it means pain. I spent yesterday Googling “Anger Management” and for tips, all I got were relaxation techniques. Well, what about those that don’t know the “art” of relaxation?

I think my inability to relax might have something to do with me always wanting to please and coming up with ways to improve myself so the family will like me better. It’s worsen in the recent years, especially after quitting my previous job which left me 4 months unemployed where I spent the days looking for jobs, thinking of being an entrepreneur, and bracing for the wrath of when my mom returned home for work.

I became constantly anxious, stressed, and depressed. I lost interest in just about everything. So when I got my current job, which kept me extremely busy until this year, I was happy to not take any vacation. The only time I used my vacation hours were when I was “forced” by my family.

In June 2019, I took 2 weeks vacation to travel to California, Arizona, and Yellowstone. I wouldn’t say it was relaxing as a vacation is supposed to be. I woke up earlier than I did for work and endured more emotional stress than I did on a typical work day.

In 2021, I had to take yet another vacation as the family is off for 2 weeks in May and they want to go somewhere. I drove them to Highway 12 – a scenic byway in central Utah. I’d probably say this was a better vacation than any of the one where my mom was involved because not only did I got to pick the shelter, I got to drive instead of being the passenger.

So am I looking forward to my vacation in 2 weeks? Yes and No.

I’m looking forward to seeing Niagara Falls, Toronto, Ottawa, and eastern U.S. I’m not looking forward to the early AM waking calls and being the navigator in unfamiliar territories, especially with my mom’s low confidence level in me these days, I just hope – as my co-workers say – “don’t kill each other.”

So what do I choose? Staycation or Vacation?

Definitely Staycation. As much as I’d love to travel and go on road-trips, I’d prefer to take day-trips instead of those that require an overnight stay somewhere unfamiliar.

I just wish I can stay home and able to relax like this guy on the lake – just sit and be okay with the decision. Perhaps one day, I’ll master this art like I master everything else.

Sunday Stills