Monday Thoughts – Stop Growing Things!

Published on by Yinglan

I don’t want to complain but I must vent in some fashion. Bear with me!

Yesterday, my mom said (And I’m paraphrasing), “You force me to eat all the food you grow.”

Can you see what’s wrong with that sentence? She makes me sound like this villain that’s force-feeding her fresh veggies. I’m not the villain of this story and I’m standing firm on that fact.

What started this?

Over 3 years ago, in her my-way-or-no-way-at-all convincing manner, she made me convert my front yard into somewhat of a rock garden. Although I did want rocks in my garden, I didn’t want this much rocks. I wanted mulch, flower beds, greenery. Instead, she turned my front yard into a hot bed of rocks.

This year, somehow against her wishes, I added 2 metal raised beds and widened the tree rings around the 2 fruit trees to somewhat cool down the front yard. Well, now that winter’s here with little to no chance to garden, I am spending my spare time getting inspired for next year’s garden. There’s this empty spot between the tree ring and the spin wheel that’s perfect for a 3-feet diameter round bed. It’s enough to either fit a 100-gallon grow bag or a metal raised bed.

“No,” was my mom’s answer when I tried to get her permission. To be honest, I don’t even know why I need her permission. It’s my house, after all, but I guess I asked out of respect. “Please,” she said, “I’m begging you. Stop growing things.”

She has been against my every hobby from the start – first writing, then photography, then hiking, then crochet, and finally, gardening. Apparently, I’m not allowed to pursue any kind of fun activity. What am I supposed to do in my free time? Listen to the YouTube videos blasting at top volume from her tablet? I’m sorry but I can’t live like that.

“Why can’t you let me put one more (raised) bed there?” I asked.

“Because I want to be able to see the rocks.” Because I want to be able to see the rocks, I replayed that sentence in my head. That’s the most pathetic excuse in the history of pathetic excuses! She started babbling about me tracking dirt and dust and bugs into the house and how she wanted to some day bring a chair and sit beneath the cherry tree. In the almost 8 years we’ve moved into this house, I’ve never seen her sit outside and there are benches in the backyard. “And for what?” She continued, “Just so you can force others to eat what you’ve grown?”

Wow! That’s the most ungrateful thing she’d said, probably ever.

I don’t grow food for the monetary value. I don’t know how many times I must point that out to her. I grow food because I feel better after eating it. My body seems to react better than the veggies at the grocery store.

Maybe it’s in my head. Who knows.

And I don’t think she gets it, I must be careful with what I eat as my body is prone to inflammation and infections because of the autoimmune problems. Those things are not fun to deal with and it tends to exacerbate when I eat the wrong food.

I stormed out of the house to pruned the bushes and pulled the dead plants for the rest of afternoon. I was so angry at her for saying I force her to eat my vegetables. I never forced her to eat anything. She’s been the one who’s asking me to harvest.

I know there’s nothing anyone can do but I just want to get this off my chest.

13 thoughts on “Monday Thoughts – Stop Growing Things!”

  1. In the end it is your house. I know my own mom hated my gardens, she was not fond of any of the changes I made to the house once I bought it. The truth is that was because she was not in control of any of those choices. They weren’t;t hers they were mine and she never did get used to not having control of her adult children. That said, we made the changes anyway and she learned to live with them and even be partially happy with a few of them. Once I realized I was never going to make her happy I stopped making that a consideration in how I lived. I think in the end we were both happier for it. I know I was. Garden away!

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    1. I feel like your mom and mine are the same person. My mom absolutely hates changes. I’ve been wanting to make changes to the house like adding a rain catchment system, upgrade the windows, and maybe add some solar panels but my mom has expressed her opinions so many times about these things being a waste of money.

      I think she never got used to the fact (and probably never will) that I am a grown adult and this is my house. She is only living in it out of my respect that she’s my mom.

      Part of me feel like I should go ahead with my plans while the other part of me is not in the mood for a lengthy lecture about how I’m wasting money on my hobby and how I’m bring pain to my body for something that can be purchased at the grocery store.

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  2. Venting is the first step and you did so in a respectful enough way.
    It is your house and yet you are still trying to value her opinion since she lives there with you.
    In my experience parents have a hard time adjusting with us becoming adults and the ones ‘in charge’ no matter what area it is. I bet your mom is stuck in her way of raising you and how she kept or wanted to keep her home.
    This is a difficult situation to be in as many will say do it and don’t care but those who care enough like you do can not just disobey without feeling the weight of their displeasure. It is hard. Especially to someone you love and respect so much.
    I assume you have had many conversations with her and it hasn’t led very far. If it helps you at all I think you have done a wonderful job adding greenery back into your front yard it doesn’t look plain like the first photo.
    If you feel a need to address the vegetable issue with her still I think you can bring that up in a way that you can remind her you understand that she doesn’t like greenery and vegetation as much but the food itself is healthier and growing your food is a lost art in this generation. It is actually beneficial in so many ways that you are sticking to this and even if she can’t agree to that let her know she doesn’t have to eat the vegetables but if you are buying or cooking food you will be using yours for the previously mentioned reasons and not to force feed. She will probably be defensive but leave it at that.
    As for the front yard it may not be a great feeling but know our time with our parents is limited and it is the honest truth that even the things that annoyed us the most become things we miss deeply. Try to remind yourself if you can’t win this battle without ruining your relationship maybe this is one to fight with patience and possibly have to wait it out.
    But the yard does look better than before if that’s any comfort.

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    2. My mom and her family seems to value the convenience of store-bought food over the health aspect of the food. She seems to be under the impression that just because it has an “organic” sticker on the produce, that it has zero herbicide and other chemicals added to it.

      I have tried to have conversations with her for most of my life. She isn’t the kind of person that’s willing to listen to anyone. And I’m not the only one. She does the same thing to her siblings. It’s my way or the high way, that’s her motto, either you do it my way or you’re not doing it at all.

      When I added the metal raised bed in the front yard, she lectured me for days about how I’m bringing pain to myself and wasting money on such stupid things. “It’s not always about how to spend money efficiently,” I tried to point out but couldn’t get a word in edge-wise. She’s set in her ways.

      As for the other projects, I had to wait until she was gone to tackle those projects. I was exhausted but at least I made the front yard a little less “rocky”.

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      1. Hang in there. I know it may be hard but i assume there is a reason you have her living with you. I hope you get to do a little more with your front yard without to much backlash. Have you tried thinking of other creative outside the box ideas that might not attract bugs… OR you can try planting things that repel bugs maybe she would favour those plants more as it serves a purpose of something she would prefer in a way.

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      2. I didn’t want her living with me. She made me buy the house and then moved in even though she has a house of her own.
        I’ve put light traps around the house and it seems to work. There will always be bugs, especially during the summer but it’s not because of my plants but because of the open windows and the holes in the screen doors. I don’t have plants in the house. She just likes to place blames on things other than herself.

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