Seeking Help…

Published on by Yinglan

It’s been about 10 days since my tablet broke and as of yesterday, I have had bigger problems. It appears my genius tech friend may have misdiagnosed it. After taking a closer look at the complicated chips and internal part under magnifying glass, he concluded the machine might have overheated and fried the motherboard. Great, now I’ll need a new motherboard and that’ll cost me. Thank god I have the employee discount, otherwise, I don’t know how I’ll pay for the repair. Anyway, I ordered one and it won’t get here until the 24th. So I might as well go a whole month without it.

Meanwhile, I think I’m in need of a new laptop. My 6-year-old laptop is getting too risky, I’m constantly fill with dread that it will go to sleep and never wake up. It’s stopped a few times, did I mention? When it stops, it’s like a person going to the ER, their friends and family members will stop doing everything and just pace back and forth, worrying and heart pounding, and remain there until that person is okay.

So computer and tablet, why won’t technology ever cooperate with me? Exactly when will this rotten luck streak end?!

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Two days ago, after my computer class, I made my way to the counseling office at the school and made an appointment with a therapist. It was my mom’s behavior from the previous night that drove me to it.

The day before, I was at home studying when I got a text from mom telling me to go pick up some papers from her work. There, she gave me specific yet vague instructions to deliver paper to our neighbors so they could serve it to our tenant. Specifically, I heard, “tell her to deliver one copy and then the second copy three days later.”

I’m not sure whether she said it wrong or I heard it wrong because my concentration nowadays are beyond shoddy but I definitely heard three days. That night, after discovering what I did, she crashed into my room, her arms out stretch in a motion that looked like she was about to strangle me. Frightened, I moved away. Then she ran out of the room screaming like a maniac and returned only seconds later looking like she’s about to throw something. I was tired and restless that I couldn’t even defend myself while she serve one bad word after another.

Finally, she left the room. I closed the door and lay on my bed, just eyes wide open, no tears. On the other hand, my chest was pounding, my stomach was in knots, and every muscle was iron tight, I was high-strung. After ten minutes of toss and turn and unable to relax, I ended up selecting a relaxing long track on my iPod and listened until I fell asleep with a resolution that I have to seek help if I have to live here for another year.

My first session will be on the 2nd of March and this time, I’ll be going in with a clear idea of my situation and a clearer picture of my result from the intake survey, General Anxiety Disorder. Last time I went to therapy was during my freshman year about 6 years ago. I believe it was for emotional abuse and mild depression. I quit after a semester of session. It wasn’t helping much. I’ve never thought I would be back in therapy again, not to mention voluntarily but I know sooner or later, I’m going to crack beneath all this anxiety. So I might as well get my anxiety under control.

27 thoughts on “Seeking Help…”

  4. I guess we all need a little rebooting from time to time. And the verbal resonance of losing your mother board has always intrigued me….great post. Nick

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      2. Okay, I guess, still feeling a little longing to have my tablet back so I don’t have to refresh my desktop every few minutes to make sure I haven’t missed any texts. I don’t have an actual phone, you see. So there’s a little dilemma there.

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      3. Oh, Last year. I had gone complete two months without my phone or laptop due to some reasons. All of my work, schedule, whatsapp group gone. Nothing. Had a very modest primary phone which could only take and recieve calls. I survived. You are doing better than me. 🙂

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  6. I hate to hear you are under such stress and anxiety. And that your tablet and laptop are acting up on top of everything else. I’m glad you’ve made an appointment to talk to a therapist. At least you can say what you are going through, and get their recommendations of help. My daughter is a therapist. If you lived there, I’d send you to her. Feel better, hang in there, and know we care about you! ❤

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  8. I am so sorry to hear you are having to experience all this stress, Yinglan, and I am sorry your mother is adding so much more to it. I truly hope the therapy helps you get through it and you will find a light at the end of the tunnel. ((Hugs))

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