Against the World

What did I do to get on the wrong side of the world? Why did the world had chosen me as its victim to be bullied? What do I have to do to make my world stand up straight again?

Here is a list of things that made me want to scream this month.

  1. My tablet broke
  2. My laptop malfunctioned, scaring me to death
  3. Mis-followed mom’s instructions (twice, let’s not make today the third)
  4. Got punched by mom
  5. Almost got strangled by mom
  6. Out of money and no paychecks
  7. Had to crawl into the car from the passenger side (story to be told)
  8. Had to spend $70 on a part to hopefully repair my tablet
  9. Unstoppable acne popping out in the worst places
  10. Waking up night after night of mundane nightmaresbaddaydog

Okay, so I attended my accounting major’s club meeting today and while I was there, mom called and of course I didn’t know. I don’t check my phone these days since I can’t even use it. My phone’s what I call an old-person phone. It’s for emergency-only like if I have an accident or something. After the meeting, I phoned her back since she was so desperate and I couldn’t access my Google phone.

It turned out, she “needed” me to go home and pick up some papers and bring it to her office to be copied and mailed. Errands, ugh. She “requested” this task to be done immediately. “I can’t,” I told her, “I have lunch right now.” I RSVPed for this lunch a week and I was starving. So I wasn’t going to rush home on an empty stomach.

“Fine,” she said, “bring it at 2:00.”

I didn’t get there until 2:10 and by then, she was with a client. I waited until 2:30 and the second the clients stepped out the door, she began yelling at me. “This is all your fault!” blah blah blah. I took a deep breath and pretended her words were clouds like the sleep-talk-down video I listen to instructed but it’s difficult. Just imagine, I thought to myself, just cloud after cloud floating by. She was screaming about how I “mis-followed” her instructions last time. I’m sorry, you weren’t being specific enough.

After gathering the paperwork, it turned out I grabbed the large envelopes and not the medium envelopes. Did she say grab the medium envelopes too? I’m sorry, I was too tired to listen but of course, you’re not the one having nightmares nightly.

So I had to get home and grab them. Then, just as I was about to leave again for the post office, she called again, reminding me to get receipts. What am I? Five?

My drive to the post office wasn’t enjoyable at all. First of all, I am exhausted, I was woken up by my computer at 3:30 this morning, then again at 6 AM and secondly, I had to go through 3 school zones to get to post office. Do you know the nightmare of driving in school zones?

Okay, so I made it, parked perfectly in between two cars. I was in the post office for no more than 5 minutes when I came out and saw this humongous red truck next to my car. I wish I had a camera because it was super ridiculous. The space between the truck and my car was so narrow that not unless you’re a pile of bones, you can’t squeeze through.

At that moment, I wanted to scream so bad. “Why me! Why did this SOB had to pick the spot next to me?! Why couldn’t he/she park somewhere else?!”

The lady whose car was parked next to mine looked at me funny but at the same time, she didn’t care. She didn’t ask if I needed help to get into the car. She just walked away. I know her asking would’ve been useless but still, that would’ve been nice. In the end, I swallowed my anger, irritation, and frustration and climbed into the driver seat from the passenger side, something I’ve done once a long long time ago.  I think if I was just a tad more irritated, I might had lost control and done something irrational and stupid.

15 thoughts on “Against the World

  1. This sounds just dreadful. I am not so good at handling these situations either especially when they pike up. Violence against your person is quite another matter. There IS no excuse. Whether it is your Mother or a stranger. Your Mum is clearly the one who is not coping and taking out her frustrations on you. Don’t take this inside your heart. I hope your Mother loves you and has an issue with your actions, not you. She may not be very adept at problem solving. You are young and not a mind reader. Dismiss her comments as the raving of work frustration. Dont give them creedence. Next week is a fresh start – there is always hope for that.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh that is good to hear Yinglan! You sound like you are strong and can cope with these intense feelings and more importantly, the biggest step you have already accomplished. Reaching out to others. Some people find that almost impossible, so well done! This strength will be your asset in the years ahead!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thanks. I think some of it was due to the fact that I felt very depressed during the period which I lived in Texas when my mom and step-dad argued almost non-stop everyday and it was horrible and I don’t ever want to feel that way again.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I don’t blame you for not wanting to live through that. It must have been very draining. That negative energy ( for want of a better word) is infectious, as much as you fight against it. Surround yourself with positivity and it too is infectious!

        Liked by 1 person

    1. I went online and researched it and I think she might be bipolar, happy one minute, angry/sad the next. Of course, I can’t tell her because she’ll be mad. So it’ll just be me to go seek help to deal with this.


      1. I think you are probably right, Yinglan. At least a therapist can help you deal with it until you can finally get a place of your own. It’s too bad you can’t discuss it with her and she go to the doctor and get on medication to help her.

        Liked by 1 person

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