Last night, I wanted so bad to hurt someone, something. Punch a hole in the wall. Rip my pillow in half. Throw everything at the wall. But I couldn’t. Damn that sentimentality.
I have been working all week due to a deadline for my translation job and in doing so, all my homework fell behind. I failed a midterm and a quiz, all due to working ten hours a day. This job sucks. Then, just as I was about to finally begin my homework, mom calls my name, needing me to complete some tasks of her. Proofread emails, find some books, look up something online.
Last night, I finally got close. I’ve been up since 6 AM, attended school from 7:30 to 11:45, then took a quiz and had a group meeting. I didn’t have lunch until I got home at around 3 PM. I took an hour for lunch before beginning to tackle my work. By 7 PM, I had done 40 of the 50 articles, I had 10 more to go. So I decided to watch an hour TV because unlike robots, humans need breaks.
Mom disagrees. For some reason, nowadays, she seems to think I have an easy life and therefore, I should work ’round the clock. Oh yeah, try being me for a day. By 7:30, minutes after dinner, she was nagging me to go back to work. She claimed it’ll take me to midnight to finish it. It’s not true, I finished it in 2 hours. I told her I’ll manage.
She was dissatisfied, claiming I watched more than an hour of TV; she likes to round up the time: 6:45 = almost 8. The TV show was within 60 seconds from over and she couldn’t even let me have that 60 seconds that she had to pick up my shoe and throw it at me. It was the second time she threw something at me this week. On Sunday, she threw my textbook at me. My back still hurt from that. The shoe landed on my right ribs, thank god the shoe was rubber.
She had unleashed a monster. I picked up the shoe and aimed it at her. “You hurt me,” I snarled and threw. I missed, picked up the shoe, and stormed upstairs to my room. I couldn’t breathe. It was like being choked. She started screaming and going on about how I’m lazy, stupid, and all the insult she could throw at me. I clenched my fists as I tried to work. I couldn’t concentrate let alone think. At last, I screamed, “Shut up!” and slammed and locked the door. “Shut the f*** UP!”
She tried to come in but couldn’t. “Apologize!” She shouted from the other side.
“No!” I bellowed, “I don’t have anything to apologize for!”
“You have lots to apologize for!” Oh, she’s going to drag up that again, eh? It’s been a month. How long will she hold me accountable for that, huh? “You have to apologize for not working.” What? I can’t take a break after a long day?
“No!” I shouted.
“Apologize!” She screamed again. I’m not a machine that just work non-stop, okay? I feel exhausted and just want to relax for a little while. Of course, I couldn’t say that. She wouldn’t believe it in her state of mind. “Fine!” She said, “You can no longer drive my car. You will take the bus. I will call the insurance and take out your name. You cannot go to my account to take out money or I’ll called the cops.”
Oh, is that the game you want to play now? Dangle your assets over my head? Fine, I don’t need the car or any of your money. I’ve been spending my own money for months. In fact, you might as well kick me out.
She threatened to kick me out on Sunday but I was so damn stubborn I wouldn’t move and mostly I didn’t have any money then. I still don’t have money now. None of my income will come through until next month but I have to make a move.
After she slammed her own door, streams of tears fell from my eyes as I cried much harder than Sunday. I haven’t cried in a long time. I was used to this emotionally abusive behavior that a steel wall had formed around my heart. Even deep breaths couldn’t help me control my tears.
At last, it stopped and my mind began racing as I figured out my next move. I have to get out of here. I can’t take this. This is the final straw. She’s trying to make my year hell. I won’t let her. No car is either temporarily or permanent. Either way, I need a car and a cheap place to live. My thoughts immediately went to a coupon in my backpack. It was for an apartment across from the school. With two salaries, I can afford it.
Now, the problem is: how will I move without a car and without her noticing?