Tell Me a Lie

I got a haircut at a professional salon recently. When I got home a few hours later, my mom began to pick at my hair. I shooed her away. “What are you doing?”

“It’s too short.” She pointed out.

“I want it this short. It’s almost summer. Besides, it’s just hair, it’ll grow back.”

“It looks crappy.” My mom complained, “There’s not even any layers.”

“I like it this way.” I snapped back. Typical mom, thinks my haircut’s awful just because she didn’t have a hand in it. I thought my hair looked awful when she cut it but I don’t say it to hurt her feelings. “If you don’t like it, you don’t have to tell me.”

“I’m just telling the truth.” A lie would had been nice, I thought. A lie would not had made this wave of anger and annoyance wash over me. A lie would be something positive in place of this negativity.

Sometimes, I do wish the people in this family would just tell a little white lie instead of be so mean as to judge me so harshly all the time. I am an adult, I don’t need to be constantly taught a lesson. I have a right to be happy, not miserable all the time.

“Silly girl,” I hate that phrase but my aunt would say each time I tried to help her with something.

Sometimes, I think I’m happier at work than at home. At least I feel more appreciated at work. At least I get praises from my supervisor and co-workers. I was awarded Employee of the Quarter at work in April. My mom and I work for the same company. When she saw the notification in her email, you would think a congratulation would be in order. Instead, she responded, “They’re just using you.” Then, she went on to talk about herself, “It’s luck, you know. Look at me, I’ve done so much work for the company and did they ever award me Employee of the Quarter?”

How self-centered can you get? Besides, using me for what? The company hired me to do a job and I do it well, how is that for taking advantage of me?

It’s why I recently decided to stop helping the people in my family. You don’t need my help. You don’t deserve my help. Here, my mom can help you since I can never do a good enough job for any of you.

I started a new crochet project 2 weeks ago. I was in my bedroom crocheting when my mom shouted from downstairs, “Where’s my daughter?”

“She’s knitting something.” My aunt answered.

Somehow, I could feel my mom scoffing and rolling her eyes. A few minutes my aunt went downstairs and repeated, “she’s in her room knitting.” They don’t know the difference between crochet and knit.

“Another waste of time hobby,” my mom said like I wasn’t there, “useless.”

Is there anything I do that’s not useless to my mom? Writing – waste of time, photography – waste of time and money, and not crochet – waste of time. The only thing that’s not useless to my mom seems to be paying thousands of dollars to attend school. I’d call that a waste of money. Seriously though, is it too hard or wrong to ask for a praise, a little positive reinforcement?

4 thoughts on “Tell Me a Lie

  1. It helps to remember that what they say is about them, not you. They’re projecting. I know that’s not always easy in the moment, though. Wishing you peace…

    Liked by 2 people

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