I consider myself to be a jovial person. It doesn’t take much to make me laugh, even if I feeling angry at the moment. I sometimes dislike this ability – to go from anger to laughter like a flip of a coin.

I recently listened to a book. In it, the dad described his 7-year-old son the exact same way – angry one minute, at the mention of something he likes, he’s happy again. Does this compare my emotional response to that of a 7-year-old? Or does it mean I’m an easy-to-forget-and-forgive kind of person?

I also sometimes have the sense that my joyful, happy, high-spirited self is just a façade and that inside is the complete opposite – sad, irritable, and miserable – and the only time both sides agree is when I’m by myself, away from the city, away from the traffic, away from people.

I remember when I drove along the scenic byway two weekends ago – how free I felt and how glad I was to watch the signal bars on my phone go from 4 bars to 3 to 2 to 1 and then none. I wouldn’t get any surprise phone calls here, I thought joyfully to myself. My mom, aunts, and uncles won’t reach me here. They will have to learn to complete tasks on their own. They will have learn to amend their taxes on their own. They will have to learn to decipher mail on their own.

There was no one on the road. It was just me, my car, my music, and the scenery – the trees, the mountains, the snow. When I finally stopped at the end of road, I got out and took a minute to listen. There was no sound. It was completely silent. The only sounds were the sound of my feet crunching the gravel beneath and a slight breeze. It was the most wonderful I’ve felt in a long time. I no longer felt sad or angry or miserable. I was jovial outside and in.

Theme: Of all the things I am

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