Good morning! Come on in and have a drink with me. I have lots to report this week.
First of all, I saw a hummingbird in my garden this week. I’m sure for many, seeing a hummingbird is nothing extraordinary but for me, it is beyond extraordinary because I have never seen one in my garden before. I hope it’s because of all the flowers I’ve planted this year.
I drove for the first time since my accident on Friday. The most difficult part was definitely stepping into the garage. I had to tell myself to take a deep breath and scurry to the driver’s side but once I hopped into the car, turned on the engine, and backed out onto the driveway, I felt fine.
I didn’t go anywhere far, just to my dietitian counseling appointment about 3 miles away and swung by the garden store to pick up some garden ties on the way home. It felt great to get behind the wheel again.
I discovered I had my emotions mixed up all this time. It wasn’t the fear of driving that kept me from going into the garage. The fear of driving receded along the nightmares. It was the shame and guilt that bubbled inside me every time I saw the damaged side of my car as well as the guilt mom manages to dredge up inside me every time she blamed me about ruining her plans because of my accident.
The problem is the right side of the car, it’s the first thing I’d see each time I step into the garage, it’s where emotions are triggered. So when I parked at both the hospital and the garden store, I made sure it was the driver (undamaged) side facing the building. So when I came out, I would be looking at the driver’s side.
Nevertheless, I returned home to an interrogation. Even after mentioning about a dozen times between this week and the last, mom still thought I was going somewhere else – my oral surgeon despite telling her he’s currently out of town. She, then, saw the bag of garden supplies, which I bought last month, and immediately assumed I went shopping, and wouldn’t listen to my explanation that I was merely relocating the stuff from the garage to garden storage.
I swear I feel like I’m on a leash and my leash has gotten much shorter since the accident. There had been moments this week when I felt like a wild animal trapped in a cage.
Meanwhile, the family continued to saddle me with their stuff. My aunt forwards her voicemails to me to listen and interpret. My uncle needs me to help him switch his phone to another carrier, while mom is constantly demanding I look up things for her, things which she’s perfectly capable of Googling on her phone.
This does make me wonder. What if I sped up instead of slowing down that day? I would’ve colliding with the truck at full speed. There’s no doubt I would’ve either ended up dead or severely injured. I wonder if it will finally prompt my aunt and uncle to turn to their own children instead of me for help. Would my mom finally learn to do things on her own?
#weekendcoffeeshare is hosted by Natalie of Natalie the Explorer. I appreciate you stopping by and hope to chat again same time next week.