#WeekendCoffeeShare – Something Good this Week

Published on by Yinglan

Good morning! Come on in and have a drink with me. I have lots to report this week.

First of all, I saw a hummingbird in my garden this week. I’m sure for many, seeing a hummingbird is nothing extraordinary but for me, it is beyond extraordinary because I have never seen one in my garden before. I hope it’s because of all the flowers I’ve planted this year.

I drove for the first time since my accident on Friday. The most difficult part was definitely stepping into the garage. I had to tell myself to take a deep breath and scurry to the driver’s side but once I hopped into the car, turned on the engine, and backed out onto the driveway, I felt fine.

I didn’t go anywhere far, just to my dietitian counseling appointment about 3 miles away and swung by the garden store to pick up some garden ties on the way home. It felt great to get behind the wheel again.

I discovered I had my emotions mixed up all this time. It wasn’t the fear of driving that kept me from going into the garage. The fear of driving receded along the nightmares. It was the shame and guilt that bubbled inside me every time I saw the damaged side of my car as well as the guilt mom manages to dredge up inside me every time she blamed me about ruining her plans because of my accident.

The problem is the right side of the car, it’s the first thing I’d see each time I step into the garage, it’s where emotions are triggered. So when I parked at both the hospital and the garden store, I made sure it was the driver (undamaged) side facing the building. So when I came out, I would be looking at the driver’s side.

Nevertheless, I returned home to an interrogation. Even after mentioning about a dozen times between this week and the last, mom still thought I was going somewhere else – my oral surgeon despite telling her he’s currently out of town. She, then, saw the bag of garden supplies, which I bought last month, and immediately assumed I went shopping, and wouldn’t listen to my explanation that I was merely relocating the stuff from the garage to garden storage.

I swear I feel like I’m on a leash and my leash has gotten much shorter since the accident. There had been moments this week when I felt like a wild animal trapped in a cage.

Meanwhile, the family continued to saddle me with their stuff. My aunt forwards her voicemails to me to listen and interpret. My uncle needs me to help him switch his phone to another carrier, while mom is constantly demanding I look up things for her, things which she’s perfectly capable of Googling on her phone.

This does make me wonder. What if I sped up instead of slowing down that day? I would’ve colliding with the truck at full speed. There’s no doubt I would’ve either ended up dead or severely injured. I wonder if it will finally prompt my aunt and uncle to turn to their own children instead of me for help. Would my mom finally learn to do things on her own?

#weekendcoffeeshare is hosted by Natalie of Natalie the Explorer. I appreciate you stopping by and hope to chat again same time next week.

16 thoughts on “#WeekendCoffeeShare – Something Good this Week”

  1. Like the old saying goes, “You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone!” You should charge a fee for all the things they ask you to do lol. But seriously, I’m glad you’re doing better Yinglan!

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    1. I finished a 7-session therapy the week I got into my accident. I don’t really have anyone to talk to as all anyone around me knows how to do is saddle me up with their responsibilities. Writing helps tremendously though.

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  4. YingLan,
    I do worry about you. No one should live as you do.
    I agree with Michele, who is wise and experienced with helping people, that you need someone to talk to who can give you some perspective and perhaps help you learn how to say ‘no’ to people who feel entitled to your time and attention while leaving you drained and desperate to be left alone.
    Do you have a church or perhaps even a wise older friend from a photography club?

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    1. Hi Gary, my boss recently told me I am becoming fiery, that I’m speaking more. Not sure whether that’s a good thing or bad. I’ve been doing more of that at home, too, telling my mom to research things herself but somehow, I always ended up doing it because she says, “I can’t find it.” *sigh*
      I recently used up my free sessions with a therapist and I now probably will need to wait a while before it becomes available to me again but things were going well while I was attending therapy but everything seemed to had gone to hell the week I finished, don’t know why.
      I haven’t been to church since 2020 and the change of pastor to someone I’m not a fan of. I’ve been heading back on Facebook, hoping there’s someone I can talk to, and hopefully, I’ll find someone.

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  5. Yinglan – I don’t have the same experiences as you with the pressure from my family, but I am so glad you did NOT speed up. If ever you want it, I can give you my personal email and you can talk with me. I am a good listener and will always have an ear/eye available if you need to talk. On another note, I am so happy you had a hummer in your garden. I absolutely adore hummingbirds. (My first tattoo was a hummer but now its more like a distorted crow…flubber and age saw to that.) There is something about the gracefulness of a flitting hummingbird that just takes my breath away.

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  6. You do have a community of bloggers who care and support you. We’re glad you did not speed up on your drive that day. I understand feeling of pressure from family — I get enough of it on my husband’s side. That’s why 10 years ago I moved 100+ miles away and my husband (back then boyfriend) joined me.

    If you need an ear or a set of eyes to share your frustration feel free to reach out to me!

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