Monday Thoughts – S.A.D.

Published on by Yinglan

In relates to last week’s Monday Thoughts, I think my S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder) is starting to set in, and it’s worse than before because unlike prior years, I feel like I have absolutely nothing to look forward to this year like nothing in the next 2 or 3 months.

I am already experiencing some of the so-called symptoms of S.A.D. like oversleeping, low energy, and difficulty concentrating but instead of feeling depressed (maybe there’s a sprinkle in there), I’m mostly feeling rage. I’m angry that no one is thinking of me and by no one, I mean my mom and aunt.

My mom still cannot stop about the election, which I’m over it. One won’t know what the future will bring until one’s lived it, right? When she’s not talking about that, she’s either complaining about the surgical wound on her back (which isn’t healing) or about the stock market. Did I mention that’s only during the day? At night, just as I’m blogging and writing, she comes in (without knocking, of course) and tries to plan a Taiwan, verbally, as if I know everything there is to know about the island nation.

Then there’s my aunt, who doesn’t even try, who just lies in bed until it’s time for work, either that or she’s occupying my bathroom to the point that I have to use another bathroom in the house. Thankfully, I have multiple bathrooms.

What happened to her? I don’t know. She returned to China for almost 3 years to take care of her father and come back constantly singing like a lunatic while being obsessed with a figure-skater who’s half her age.

The other day, in the midst of my rage-fest, as I was walking by, she tried to touch my arm as she normally does. I batted her arm away. I was tired of playing nice.

Yesterday, my mom’s friend gifted her a platter of chicken. I don’t know how it was made, certainly not baked. I think it was blanched? Last night, at dinner, seated between the two, they complained and talked as if I wasn’t there. My mom complained about this chicken being cooked in her least favorite way while my aunt complained about the minced ginger sauce that accompanied the chicken being salty.

They spoke with such hatred that made me lose my appetite. For once, I wished they would just be grateful to have food, to go to bed with a full stomach. I’m sure there are many in the world who love to have a chicken for dinner.

I couldn’t speak to either of them at all for the remainder of the night as I grounded my teeth to let my rage simmer down. I was going to write this post last night but sleep overpowered me. I woke up this morning, thinking the rage has simmered down, apparently not, still bubbling hot.

21 thoughts on “Monday Thoughts – S.A.D.”

  1. What are we gonna do about. You know, even though we haven’t met you IRL, we are your friends and it’s better to rant to us than buy a gun, 🙂 I said it before, but you are living in hell. You’ve got to do something about that.

    Not SAD, too early in the season. Instead, it’s MAD. Mother’s Affective Disorder. Heh!

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    1. Oh no, I would never resort to such a decision. I maybe sad and angry but never enough to kill.
      Yes, I must do something about that but I think I must also be patient. I’ve always believed that there’s an end to everything in life even life itself. It’s just a matter of time. I guess I’m just biding my time.

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      1. Mary Chapin says her superpower is patience. She also said she didn’t get much done so that’s why we work together. I have no patience and things get done now. I was just trying to be funny. Shooting somebody is only for self defence when you feel in danger for your life.

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      2. Haha, I’m kinda the same way. I’m patient but I can’t really get things done, unless I’m unbothered and extremely focused.
        I’ve shot a gun, even a AK-47, before and the kickback scared me. Because of that, I would never resort to such weapon. I would probably use a knife but never a gun.

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      3. The army trained me how to shoot. Then, they trained me how to fly helicopters. So guess what I did? An AK47 is a heavy weapon. You might like an M16 which pulls, rather than kicks. Did you shoot the AK in China? I was taken to some gun range there where we could shoot whatever we wanted as long as they had it in their armory.

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      4. My church held a fun little getaway in Utah’s west desert a few years ago. The church was full of gunowners who needed to get rid of their old bullets. I basically tried out everyone’s guns and there were a lot of different firearms.

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      6. Not really. I mostly didn’t like the kick when it’s fired. My mom had wanted to buy a gun but no way was I going to let a crazy person like her to put a gun in my house. She has a gun license and a decent markswoman (something she learned in the US army), and that’s what scares me.

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      7. Most guns have some kick, Well, that’s the problem with the US military in general. They teach you to shoot, but they break you down and build you back up so you can shoot other humans, which for a non-sociopath is very, very hard to do.

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  2. I get it. Living in the Seattle’s 300-plus days per year of gray and gloom for five years just about sucked the life out of me. The eastern Sierra weather here on the other side of the Basin is an intentional choice. I also try to keep the house very bright during the winter. And I’ve figured out how to exercise indoors when the weather is just too nasty to get outside.

    I give myself an hour a day of stress-management. For me, it’s usually running or bike riding. You need a refuge that’s not in your house. And the time you spend there needs to be non-negotiable.

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    1. I think I do have a refuge outside my house and that’s the office. I’m actually happier there than I am at home despite the busyness and work. The worst part of that is I only get to spend one day a week there and as much as I want to be there more, I don’t want to be there unless my co-workers are there. They are the ones who create such cheerful atmosphere, not the place.

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    1. That wasn’t the first time, either. It’s actually been a while. She would even complain about something that’s freshly picked from the garden. “So much dirt,” she’d complain. Well, it was grown in soil just as most veggies found at the grocery store (hopefully). She actually caused me to lose interest in food and I’m still struggling to re-gain interest in food.

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