The Toughest Decision of a Lifetime

In July of 2007, I ultimately made the toughest decision I’ve ever made in my entire life (at least so far). I was literally involved in a game of tug-of-war between my parents. The decision: to stay with my step-father or to leave with my mother.

I wanted to ask someone to help, anyone but there was no one. It was the decision I had to make myself and it was one that will affect my future. For days, I battled in my head the pros and cons of staying and leaving.

The pros, I came up with, were I no longer had to take care of someone other than myself and I can get away from my melodramatic alcoholic smoker of a step-father before he does something crazy that might make him regret.

The cons were obviously leaving (again) and both of their tempers.

I think I made the right decision for myself at the time and I would still make the same decision today because if I hadn’t left, I would have no medication, no insurance, and no doctors visit. My mother’s always been the one to take me to the doctors and not to exaggerate but without all that, I would had died a slow death.

After I left, I found out my step-father had fell to a new low with smoking and drinking and that’s when I realized that because of my selfish act, it didn’t just affect me but it ultimately affected him as well.

8 thoughts on “The Toughest Decision of a Lifetime

  1. It sounds like you made the right decision. Your moving out did not affect your step-father, it seems to me. Not in the least. If it had affected him, he might have gotten some help for his life. But he didn’t and continued drinking. It is not our fault when a lost soul decides to stay lost. If anyone in your family blames you for saving your own life, tell them, “I’m sorry, but if I had not moved out, we would not be having this conversation in which you are berating me. Because I would be dead.”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have made the right decision, in a way.

      My decision might not had affected him at first but I think gradually, it did. Before I left, I was the person who had managed to restrain him from smoking and alcohol, even if it’s just a little but when I decided to leave, I think he took it like even I had given up on him. So I think that somehow made it worse.

      He doesn’t like to change very much and a person cannot change unless they want to, right? So I think the problem is right there.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Ying, it wasn’t a “selfish” act. Oh, you could’ve been “selfless” and stayed with your step-father and he could have watched you wither away and die. Then he would feel guilty and follow along shortly thereafter. Release the guilt, sweetie. Lucy

    Liked by 1 person

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