Friendship means a lot and very little to me. Maybe if I have a more encouraging parent…

Sometimes, I am very angry with my mom for wanting to control every prospect of my life. Who I meet, who I talk to, and what I say. In college, it took me five years to make a single friend. On a particular Saturday, she wanted to come over and study for an exam. We were both re-taking the same class and have to pass it in order to graduate.

Since at the time, my old car was having trouble, she decided to drive 30 miles to my place instead. That day, after I told my mom about my friend coming over, she questioned me about my friend like she was a criminal or something. Is she married? Does she have any kids? Where is she from?

Who cares! We’re just friends. We’re not dating or anything.

My mom was paranoid back then, after sitting in a FBI interrogation room three times for 8 hours straight without food, water, or even a bathroom. She was afraid of everyone and everything. She told everyone repeatedly, “don’t say stupid things on the phone. They’re tracking everything. You cannot reveal number or they’ll suspect money. You cannot…” So many rules! Why not just tell people not to talk on the phone and to each other?

That’s why I never have any friends over. Even before she got investigated, she was like that. Either that, or she’s trying to recruit my friends like she did back in California. In California, she recruited them to be her students. So their visits would become just another school session and she would earn a few bucks. Money, is that all life’s about?


After she met my friend, she found out how nice she was and invited her to have Chinese morning tea with us. That’s what I’ve been telling her! Not everyone is an undercover agent spying on her. My friend then invited us to Peruvian BBQ (she’s Peruvian) but my mom had me declined the invitation, citing that South American food is disgusting and dirty (her words, not mine). I never returned with a reschedule and lost a friend. So you can say, with my mom in charge, it is not possible for me to make friends or date, for that matter.

I’m not sure what kind of people would make a good friend. There’s a good friend in everyone, I believe, it’s just a matter of bringing it out and showcasing it.

All of my friends back in middle school were frenemies or friends with benefits. After I moved to Texas, everyone moved on and now I am now just a loner, sitting behind a computer writing a blog and novella about two inseparable friends.

Yes, I have broken up with friends before or rather, they’ve broken up with me. Apparently, moving away is a deal breaker in friendship. If you move, it signals a breakup. So basically, in order to have friends, you have to stay in that one place forever.

Although, that didn’t occur with my mom. So maybe the rule is different with every continent.

I am in the middle of believing and disbelieving in lifelong friendships. I think I will just have to find it first and then I’ll believe it.

5 thoughts on “Friendship

  1. Yinglan, in my long life I have had many friends to whom I still feel bonded. However, some (even most) of them I do not see even once a year, neither do I make any contact. Facebook has changed that so I do keep up with a lot of them now. My point is that friendship “status” is constantly changing. I have a desire and belief that I will see and know them in heaven. And, as of now, I can only count on one. He is unseen by me but I feel a contact with him every day. As the Bible says, “There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” (Proverbs 18:24) You are great at bonding with those of us out here in the blog world. I am amazed at the number of people following you. So you see, you have something I would love to have. Take care of us out here in the blog world!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oneta, I agree with what you say about Facebook. Although I don’t really use Facebook myself, I have found, over the years, it has helped me to keep up with my friends. Without Facebook, I would not know a lot of things such as three years ago when my step-dad passed away. I only found out through Facebook. So Facebook is useful in that aspect.
      I don’t think anyone has a constant status for friendship. Friendship is always changing.
      Ha ha, I am quite amazed at the number of people following me too but I also know that it took me a long time (over two years) to accumulate. I mean I have to work at it. I am sure you will one day have that number too. Just have to persevere. 🙂


  2. I’m of the Buddhist thought that nothing is forever, so perhaps it’s wise to be your own best friend before seeking the friendship of others. Developing character is big part of that, and you seem to have pretty done well in that respect. Regardless, friendships with others are never static things. They grow through shared experience, mutual respect and support. But that also means we have to accept that things can change in ways that might not always be comfortable.

    I don’t know what brings joy in your life, but I’ve found that most lasting friendships seem to come from sharing a mutually rewarding experience. Those are the times when we open ourselves and find out who the other person is through our interactions. Then, that character I mentioned earlier becomes the issue, and one simply becomes thankful to have found it in another. It’s a rare moment; but don’t underestimate yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

Anything you want to ask? Want to know?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s