Friendship means a lot and very little to me. Maybe if I have a more encouraging parent…
Sometimes, I am very angry with my mom for wanting to control every prospect of my life. Who I meet, who I talk to, and what I say. In college, it took me five years to make a single friend. On a particular Saturday, she wanted to come over and study for an exam. We were both re-taking the same class and have to pass it in order to graduate.
Since at the time, my old car was having trouble, she decided to drive 30 miles to my place instead. That day, after I told my mom about my friend coming over, she questioned me about my friend like she was a criminal or something. Is she married? Does she have any kids? Where is she from?
Who cares! We’re just friends. We’re not dating or anything.
My mom was paranoid back then, after sitting in a FBI interrogation room three times for 8 hours straight without food, water, or even a bathroom. She was afraid of everyone and everything. She told everyone repeatedly, “don’t say stupid things on the phone. They’re tracking everything. You cannot reveal number or they’ll suspect money. You cannot…” So many rules! Why not just tell people not to talk on the phone and to each other?
That’s why I never have any friends over. Even before she got investigated, she was like that. Either that, or she’s trying to recruit my friends like she did back in California. In California, she recruited them to be her students. So their visits would become just another school session and she would earn a few bucks. Money, is that all life’s about?
After she met my friend, she found out how nice she was and invited her to have Chinese morning tea with us. That’s what I’ve been telling her! Not everyone is an undercover agent spying on her. My friend then invited us to Peruvian BBQ (she’s Peruvian) but my mom had me declined the invitation, citing that South American food is disgusting and dirty (her words, not mine). I never returned with a reschedule and lost a friend. So you can say, with my mom in charge, it is not possible for me to make friends or date, for that matter.
I’m not sure what kind of people would make a good friend. There’s a good friend in everyone, I believe, it’s just a matter of bringing it out and showcasing it.
All of my friends back in middle school were frenemies or friends with benefits. After I moved to Texas, everyone moved on and now I am now just a loner, sitting behind a computer writing a blog and novella about two inseparable friends.
Yes, I have broken up with friends before or rather, they’ve broken up with me. Apparently, moving away is a deal breaker in friendship. If you move, it signals a breakup. So basically, in order to have friends, you have to stay in that one place forever.
Although, that didn’t occur with my mom. So maybe the rule is different with every continent.
I am in the middle of believing and disbelieving in lifelong friendships. I think I will just have to find it first and then I’ll believe it.