#AtoZChallenge 2021 – I am Lack of…


Photo by Quino Al on Unsplash

I know I wrote about how I was capable of so many things but really, I’m someone who’s called “Jack of all trades and master of none.”

Yes, I’m that kind of person.

I am full of skills but also lack of skills. Aren’t we all, though?

Off the top of my head, the skill I know I’m lacking is my inability to socialize and I’m not the only one in my family. My cousin on my father’s side of the family is also lacking this skill. His psychiatrist has diagnosed him with anxiety disorder while the rest of his family and my mom’s nosy family thinks either it’s all in his head or he’s slightly autistic. They think I’m autistic too but I think there are lots of people lack social skills, right? It doesn’t mean he or she is crazy or autistic.

Come on, stop putting labels on people.

I think anxiety definitely play a factor because I know I’m constantly worrying about saying the wrong things to people that by the time the words come out of my mouth, it’d be too late, the conversation has moved onto another topic.

A phone answering schedule has recently been put in place where my co-workers and I rotate answering the department’s calls. I’m responsible for answering Tuesday’s phone calls. I find this task terrifying yet exciting at times.

It’s terrifying because of my lack of social skills. The calls are always filled with these awkward silence as I try to look up a customer’s account. I tried to filled those seconds once with a pleasant conversation to assure the customer I was still on the line but that conversation was so awkward that had me question why I did it while muttering “why, why, why?” under my breath. I haven’t done it ever since.

The worst part about that silence or dead air is I can sometimes hear crickets chirping in my head.

Talking on the phone can be exciting though because it allows me to practice talking to people and face my fear of social anxiety and I find talking to people feels strangely therapeutic. Maybe it’s my craving for human interaction. Maybe it’s just the satisfaction of helping a customer. Or maybe deep down, I’m this shy person who love to socialize.

Theme: Of all the things I am

Click here to see all the #AtoZChallenge posts so far.

For more information about the #AtoZChallenge, check out this link.

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