Share Your World – Week of October 4, 2021

How do you feel about sharing your computer or phone password with your partner?

I don’t have a partner but I would never, unless I’m no longer on this Earth, share my computer nor my passwords with my mom nor any family members. They haven’t earn my trust to not break my possession and until that happens, I’m not sharing with anyone.

What is the greatest struggle you’ve overcome? (This isn’t meant to be invasive, just use general terms if you’d like.  Or if not, feel free to pass on the question.  That’s allowed too).

I’ve had many struggles. I used to think securing a job was a struggle because first impression is everything in an interview and well, my appearance does not make a good first impression. My appearance tends to give off a vibe that I’m incapable of doing any sort of task.

Now that I have a job, I consider that struggle overcome but there’s a bigger struggle which I haven’t been able to overcome and somehow stemmed from when I was a child. Perhaps it’s because I’m a girl and there’s a hatred for girls in Chinese culture or maybe I did something horrible when I was young and my brain blocked it out, for as long as I can remember, I sense this vibe from my mom’s family that they don’t feel I’m trustworthy, that I must always be monitored by someone, that I cannot be left alone and do thing on my own accord.

Even now, I have to ask permission before going out and when I want to go somewhere alone, I cannot, I must go with someone. I don’t know what I did to cement this vibe of untrustworthiness in everyone’s eyes but I will do whatever it takes to overcome this.

If heaven is real and you died tomorrow, do you think you would get in?  Why or why not?  (this is purely speculation, no bias if you don’t believe)

I sure hope so and hope my two dads – biological and step – are waiting for me there.

What makes you feel like you really need to be alone?

Being alone is something I crave at the moment because of question #2. Whenever someone in the family needs something, I’m the go-to person because they are afraid to go to my mom who will no doubt scream and call them names.

Someone always wants something.

I feel I really need to be alone to think, to reflect, to clear my head of negative emotions, to rid the anxiety (even temporarily) of everyday life, to just take my time and breathe.

The only way to be alone seem to be sneaking out of the house and head somewhere with no cell signal. I tried before but when I got to a place with cell signal, messages came flooding in from family members. Let’s face it, I can never be alone unless question #3 happens.

Share Your World Challenge

2 thoughts on “Share Your World – Week of October 4, 2021

  1. Thanks, Yinglan for Sharing Your World! What truthful sharing! I doubt that you’ve ever done anything ‘wrong’ to earn suspicion and mistrust from your family. It’s the perception they’ve given you over the years, perhaps to keep you under their thumb. You are a wonderful person, who, to my point of view, doesn’t look untrustworthy at all. I’ve finished your short story in Utah’s Emerging Writers and you’re an awesome writer too. Self-confidence, I’ve found out, is something that we learn for ourselves, BUT if we’re denied a good self image as children, or run down or belittled constantly, then we don’t have good skills to gain self confidence. So we have to take a fairly scary step and start believing in ourselves to move forward. It is difficult to do, but it is possible. Once we’ve taken that first step, the others (like ignoring mean people or setting healthy boundaries for ourselves) come easier. I say all this because I’ve had to do that myself, as a child I was told quite often that I was ugly, stupid, inconsequential, and that I was worthless. So I grew up believing all that was true. It wasn’t true then, it’s not true now. But I’ve had to work hard to shut off those voices in my head (sometimes in the voices of my family) that it’s not true. My best wishes to you because you’re worth a lot more than your family and circumstances have led you to believe! Have a great week!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad you like that story. And I agree, self-confidence is something we must learn for ourselves but without a good foundation coming from the surrounding adults or parents, it’s very difficult. Then there’s the part where it’s very easy for the individual to have the tendency to develop indecisiveness because he/she is constantly afraid that he/she is making the wrong decision. I guess that goes with having or lacking self-confidence.
      I, too, have those voices in my head, constantly belittling me and telling me things. I try hard to not let it get to me but sometimes when it invades, it invades. *sigh*
      Have a great weekend.


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