How careful are you when conversing with people around you?
Oh, extremely careful.
I’ve never been a good conversationalist, probably from the lack of practice due to lack of friends. Mom always tells me I can be super blunt when I speak, as if my mouth has no filter. I don’t know whether that’s just one’s opinion or I am really this frank with people since she still insists on treating me like a child when I’m approaching my mid-30’s.
So when I converse with people, I’m often playing a mental chess match, predicting how someone will react when I say this or when I say that.
If you ask, “doesn’t that get exhausted fast?”
Yes, it does and at the point when I’m just wiped mentally, I’ll seize the conversation.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work this way. Sometimes, my brain would suddenly flip the game board, destroying the entire match and that’s when the filter would be off. When the conversation finally ends, thoughts would be running through head at hyper-speed. What in the world just happened? Did I do this? No, I did not just do that. Oh my goodness… 🤦♀️😕
This is Another Story 
Do an autism test on line. You sound like me. Watch Mozart and the Whale. Nice movie. Helped me see myself clearer. You are fine. Everyone else is weird. LoL. There’s a meme, please be weird like me. Please be weird like me. I found myself of late saying, please don’t be weirder than me. That is often the case. I am becoming mire assertive in my old age. “No. I cant do that for you.” I used to run myself ragged being there for everyone. Take care.
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Oh I have no doubt I’m on the spectrum. My mom often used to tell me she wonders if I am autistic. She’d sometimes even use the word, “defective” like I’m an item purchased from the store.
I guess we’re all weird deep down.
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Being someone we aren’t in the inside gets tiring and ultimately the dam can break. Thanks for sharing Yinglan.
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It absolutely does get tiring sometimes.
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Yes, and as we grow older, we find it a futile effort to pretend to be someone we aren’t
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Maybe it’s why I’ve been fighting back more in the recent years.
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Yes, it’s probably so.
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I completely understand what you mean. I have noticed more and more that when I talk I have to hope I don’t say things the wrong way. I am not being rude or mean, but I guess I am also not being correct either. Words today are such a minefield I feel. After reading your post, I feel you are probably more normal than you believe. And at also 49, I feel people need to stop taking everything as an insult and learn to see the whole picture of a conversation not just the little snip-it at that point. Good luck with your mental game. I know I feel I need it at times myself. Kitt ♟️
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Thank you for telling me I’m normal. 😄 I agree, words today, especially on social media does feel like a minefield, where one’s words can be taken completely out of context. In fact, I’ve had things I’ve written taken out of context and I had to take a diplomatic approach to explain myself without sounding harsh. I absolutely agree that sometimes, before feeling offended by someone’s words and go off ranting, one should step back and take in the big picture.
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