WQ#42: Danger in Imagination

Published on by Yinglan

I’ve had a restless week thanks to my imagination and certain stresses. This restless has left me unable to focus at not only work but at life. It’s why my posts have been next to wordless this week. It’s hard to write when I’m feeling jittery and anxious like I’m waiting for the apocalypse.

I know what’s happening. My mind has pressed the “Panic” button switching me from calm to manic. I hate it when this happens and I don’t have a clue how to control it or just make my mind slow down. Perhaps I should’ve joined into the group meditation yesterday but knowing my current state, I would’ve been jittery the whole time.

I have several theories of what started this whole thing.

The changing of the seasons. This year, in particular, I’ve been dreading winter because after the last winter, I’m not ready for another one. Also, I know frost will come and kill everything in the garden like ripping off a bandage but the anticipation is driving me crazy. I’m a severely sentimental person and so spending day after day ripping things out of the garden is like tearing my heart to pieces. I think I would feel better if the plants are dead when I rip them rather than alive.

Exhaustion. I’ve had very little rest since my return from Japan. Relaxation and rest isn’t my strong suit, and I have been trying but my body just wouldn’t let me. Plus, that 2-week cold really took a lot out of me.

Household finance. I’m blaming mom on this one. She put the entire trip to Japan on my credit card – meals, tickets, gifts, personal items, etc. – and seems to expect me to pay for it. Adding on the usual monthly household expenses, what am I, made of money? I had request her to chip in at least her 50% of the expenses and she was reluctant.

Reluctant!

After realizing I will only net $80 this month, there was no way I would end the month with only $80 in the bank. That amount is too dangerously low. Can you see I’m stressed? After explaining to her my situation, she was still reluctant but willing to give me the money, which should just about cover her half of the trip.

Nightmares. I don’t know whether it has anything to do with Halloween. To be honest, I never liked Halloween. As much as I love suspenseful and scary stories, I’m just not into the holiday. Lately though, my dreams have been filled with death. I tried to figure out what it meant but came up with nothing. It isn’t my death I’m seeing but someone’s. I don’t know who. It’s always a stranger.

According to internet searches, seeing someone else die in a dream means saying goodbye to part of my past but it doesn’t make any sense. What could I be seeing goodbye to?

I have another theory and that’s related to the story I’m writing to StoryChat. I think these nightmares are my crazy imaginative brain of exploring alternative plots and stories but does it have to do that while I’m sleeping and why death? I guess there’s always a danger in having a wild and active imagination.

16 thoughts on “WQ#42: Danger in Imagination”

  2. I can so relate with someone expecting me to foot the bill for everything. Glad I got out of that relationship. Would suggest you change your credit card and not let your Mom have access to it. Can you calm yourself with your beautiful photography? Stress can be blamed for your current state of mind and possibly your nightmares. Just a thought. Sending you positive energy Yinglan.

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    1. I am trying to calm down and I think I kinda succeeded this weekend with preparing the garden for winter. It helped take my mind off of stuff. I do wish I can go and take pictures, though.

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  3. I agree with Sadje 100% about your mother. It is way scary to even think of only having $80 left. Everyone needs a slush fund for emergencies. I would be way less tolerant than you are.

    On another topic, I love fall, but I wait until everything is on its last legs before I rip it out. That way, I don’t feel bad about doing it. Like you, I hate taking out living plants, especially tomatoes, when they have blooms, and I know they will freeze long before they have a chance to grow. 🙂

    I can’t wait to read your Story Chat story. Are you going to be ok with November? I don’t want to add to your stress. I can switch some of them around if you need time.

    Thanks for breaking out of wordless mode to join in WQ. 🙂 Imagination is a reason to write. Mine is a little lacking, which is why I seldom write fiction! 🙂 So my hat is off to those who can!

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    1. Well, of course I still have my emergency funds but even that is running a bit low these days and I try not to touch that if I can.
      I just wish I hadn’t gone on the second trip. The trip to the UK back in May, too make a dent in my savings and neither trip was my idea.
      I think I’ll be okay in November. My brain sent me down another nightmare rabbit hole last night and I think I’ve come up with a good one. 😊

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      1. Those are huge trips, Yinlan. No wonder it’s tight! Plus you paid for two instead on one. Very stressful. Even more so if neither were your idea! Maybe you should have just sent your mother on trips. 🙂

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      2. I actually told her Japan would be my last trip with her. She can plan and go on her next trip herself. I am curious to know how she will fare given how much she has depended on me on our past trips.

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