I’ve been wanting to write this post for a few weeks now but I could never find the time to gather my thoughts before sleep took over. I’m writing this to release my thoughts onto a page since I don’t have anyone to talk to about this.
A friend contacted me out of the blue a few weeks ago, wanting to reconnect after 8 years. Yes, I remember her. We met in college when we were in the same professional club for our degrees. We were never in any classes together. So technically, I don’t really know her but she helped me get through some of the darkest times in my life. If it wasn’t for her, I would not have a way to get to school after my mom took away the car and threatened to kick me out. She helped me by taking me to school and helped me search for an apartment while I pondered my next step.
I never got to my next step because when I told my mom I was moving out, she went into planning mode and said no, I couldn’t move out, that I was being stupid…
Now, I know my decision to stay was the stupid decision and I’m constantly being reminded of it by the noise, by my mom’s constant complaining, and by my aunt who’s quickly becoming a nuissance in my life.
Back to the friend, we didn’t have much in common. I might even say our personalities are polar opposites. I’m an introvert while she’s an extrovert. I like solitude while she must be among people. My idea of a fun trip is to drive to places that have not been touched by civilization while her idea of a fun trip is to have her husband take her and her kids to Vegas or LA.
At first, I thought she reached out simply to chat but it turned out she was looking for career advice. She wanted to change jobs, from a high level well-paid position to something easier and still high-paid because she thought her job was too difficult.
We ended up spending a majority of our calls talking about interview strategies, job-seeking strategies, while she kept asking why I don’t find a new job. “I like my work,” I told her. Despite the pay is a little lower, I don’t mind. Besides, I would never want to go through unemployment again, not with my mom living with me. That was another period of dark times for me.
Honestly, I feel exhausted after talking to her on the phone. Maybe it’s the introvertness of me or maybe I’m just tired of feeling like she’s trying to change me just like everyone who tried to befriend me. I know some of the decisions I’ve made in life are ones I should’ve followed through, not backed down, but it was my decisions and my choice not to take those risks in life. Yes, it was probably stupid of me at the time, but in hindsight, it was probably not what fate had in mind.
She called me again the following night but I didn’t answer, fear of the same conversation. She didn’t call again since then and I have a feeling she’s waiting for me to call her back because in one of our conversations, she accused me of not reaching out all these years. I will admit that reaching out to people is one of my weakness because I’m afraid of catching people at a bad time and having them get angry at me just as my mom has every time I called her and I’m just not good with talking to people, period.
This is Another Story 
If you really want to talk to her, give her a call. If that’s what you want. You can tell her to stop trying to change you, but you shouldn’t abandon your friendship out of fear that you’ll get her angry. I think she deserves another chance, but if you don’t feel like calling her, don’t, you know better. 🙂
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Strange she’d call after so many years. And besides, the phone works both ways … she didn’t get in touch with you for all those years either, so she has no room to complain.
I do get how it is talking to people. I was never one to call someone. If they called me, fine I’d talk, but even now, it’s the same. I don’t want to interrupt whatever they are doing.
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I know, right. It’s strange. She claimed that she’s been busy with her parents and having kids but isn’t everyone?
I feel the same, I don’t want to interrupt people with my phone call.
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The ball is in your court and the choice is yours. If the conversations make you feel uncomfortable, you could tell her that. It is interesting that she’s called you after all this time though.
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Just in the nick of time. I’ve been praying for her to come. Proof of God moment again for me.
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I found it interesting, too, that she reached out after all this time. At this moment, I’m torn between wanting to talk to someone and not wanting to talk to someone who’s hell-bent on changing me, but you’re right, the ball is in my court and the choice is mine.
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You can take your time too so no need to rush into anything.
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Give your friend a call!
I can relate to your situation because I’m an introvert myself but if someone special, like that friend of yours who helped you when you were in need, reach out to you, the don’t hang up.
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I’ll think about it because right now, it feels like she’s just calling me to have me help her land a job.
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Darling girl, I have been praying for a messenger. She’s it. You have to get out of that house first. Live in a box rather than with your mother. You are a highly intelligent and wonderful human being and your soul is being crushed. Phone your friend. Yes it’s exhausting. You are out of practice. Let the exhaustion pass. Grab that hand and get out of that house. Keep the job if it’s a secure thing. I’m sorry to be so blunt. I haven’t read the other comments but I have tried to encourage you to leave. Your mother is worse than mine was. I managed to honour her but I left home the day after school ended, and I was very unprepared for the real world. Autistic. Dyslexic Idealist. Romantic. But if I could save myself from my biological connections, you can too. You have skills. You have shares. I’ve never had one share. Well I share my money. People have me as a share that keeps on giving but my dear, you are worth a whole lot more than being stuck in an unhealthy environment and getting sicker and God be praised for sending you this girl. You grab her hand. Help her get a job and she can help you get a place. Sorry. It’s harsh but I care about you and I don’t even know what you look like. Think of me as your eccentric grandmother from another line. My screen doesn’t allow me editing and honestly I don’t have time to put this nicely. I’m basically kicking you up the bum to save you. To quote from The Joy luck club, “this may only be a feather but it comes with our very best intentions. I love you.
And APPLAUSE!!!! Thank you for trusting us. You did a brave thing. And respectfully. Well done you!
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