Tag: Diary

A Golden Key

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I didn’t post yesterday and I am procrastinating on the one I am writing today. I don’t know why but with three exams this week and I haven’t really studied for any of them (I guess I just don’t feel like it), I am not really feeling inspired.

Besides if I was given a golden key, the place I want it to open isn’t really a place, it’s just a figment of my imagination. That place is my aunt’s brain.

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My aunt has three stuffed tigers, a large one that’s currently occupying a seat on the reclining couch in the living room and two little ones that’s resting on her bed. She treats them like a real person which is creepy to some people. She doesn’t want anyone touching it and she’s always fears it might be cold so she’s always covering it with a blanket.

DSCN0018 1I remember the first time she came to visit us, she came out of the airport carrying a tiger backpack. At first I was like what???  I felt a bit weird walking the street with someone that’s eighteen years older than me, yet smaller than me and carrying such a childish backpack.

After she left, my mother called home to her sister and asked what was the deal with the tiger backpack. It turned out because her long-time boyfriend who passed away a few years back was born in the year of the tiger. So carrying that backpack was her way of being with him.

After that, I felt sad for my aunt but at the same time, a little creep out. I felt sad because the family was making fun of her when they should be supporting her. Some people just don’t know what’s like to lose someone they love. My aunt buying stuffed tigers is her way to cope.

So if there’s a key (figuratively speaking) that can unlock my aunt’s mind, I can enter that tall forbidden tower and help my aunt to possibly cope with the loss of her love.

A Glimpse into the Future

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unsplash-bonusOh my gosh, you’re kidding, right? There she was, standing by the door, checking her watch, impatiently waiting. That’s just so me, have all the patience in the world when it comes to puzzles but have zero patience when it comes to waiting for people.

I approached her. She looked me up and down with a raised eyebrow. “Is this a joke? You look exactly like me, well except for the long hair.”

I chuckled. “Well, these last 10 years has not exactly been easy for me, for you, for us, I mean.”

Her brows furrowed. “What do you mean? What happened?”

I went to the nearest table. “Let’s sit down.” She shrugged. The weather was gorgeous. Well, it’s Southern California, the weather’s gorgeous everyday. I sighed.

“I see my fashion taste hasn’t change.” She said. “Still so outdated.”

“Well, what do you expect when you barely have a job and still living with your mother?”

“I did go to college, right? Please tell me I did.” I nodded. She breathed, relieved. “Then what happened?”

“I couldn’t really find a job and mom seemed reluctant when I talked about moving out of state like she doesn’t want me to go. Plus I was working three or four jobs until recently.”

“Three or four jobs? Really? Wow, what were they?”

“Well, I was working in a private school teaching Chinese and Brazilian kids English. I didn’t like it though. No one listened to me, no matter how hard I tried.

The following year, when a family came to Utah from China to do business, they didn’t know English and needed someone to interpret for them. Of course, mom boasted to them about me and that got me two additional jobs. I was enrolled in only one class then but still it was tough running around. I quit all of those jobs eventually though and that left me with only one job, doing translation at home.” I smiled.

“Whew, that spells rough road ahead. Wait, you didn’t talk about Tiger, what happened to him?” I sighed and looked away. “Mom divorced him, didn’t she?”

“Yes, she did.” I sighed. “After we moved to Texas, things got really bad. Honestly, I can’t remember there been a day when they didn’t fight. That was a rough time for us. I constantly thought if they went on like this, one of them was going to kill the other and I do not want that to happen.”

“What happen after she divorced him?”

“Mom and I moved to Utah.”

“Your life sounds so bum. Is there anything for me to look forward to?”

“Of course. You get to attend three high schools in four years. You get to learn DSCF9542to play the piano and a little bit of the guitar. You’ll learn to sing and you will have friends not to mention you’ll have three maybe four graduations. Life is full of ups and downs. Look forward to the ups instead of the downs.” She nodded slightly.

I stood up and was about to walk away. “Oh, a little advice. Go to University of Utah. No matter what mom’s friend says, choose Accounting for your major and you must start practicing Chinese again. It’ll come in useful for that translation job.”

Daily Prompt – From You to You

The Gift of Life

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It’s been such a long time since I’ve gotten anything that classified as a present let alone a handmade present. Since we left Texas, we no longer celebrated holidays like Christmas or Thanksgiving or any holidays. Actually, those days are just regular days to us now, well, except for the fact that we don’t have to go to work or school, that we get to chill at home with a nice warm cup of cocoa. 😀

In my mother’s mind, she has already given me the greatest handmade gift of all, life and support. That’s what she often told me whenever I half joked half whined about not getting any present on Christmas or my birthday.

After that, she would go on and on about how she raised me for twenty some odd years, didn’t require me to work or move out, and that I should be thankful and not complain about the lack of gifts. I guess she’s right, the gift of life is the best handmade anyone can give.

First Snow

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Today is the first snow storm of the season. I am both excited and nervous because I might be driving through some dangerous roads today. I am so jealous of my aunt and cousin right now because due to the storm, they don’t need to go to school. Continue reading “First Snow” →

What am I, invisible?

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Sometimes, when I am driving my old car, I wonder, do I become invisible the moment I step into this car? Continue reading “What am I, invisible?” →

Polar Opposites

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Of the many years I’ve been on this earth, I’ve met a lot of people and frankly, I can’t remember them all and I surely do not know who is most unlike me. Everyone I’ve met is so different in their own unique way, almost in a way that I cannot compare them to each other. I mean, how can I?

One thing I do know, most of the people I’ve met aren’t like me. For one thing, they like to socialize. I like to be alone. Some of the people I’ve met like to study in quiet while I like to listen to music. Appropriate noises (anything beside airplane noises) keep me from going insane. I like to be clean and I like to clean but in my own time and not in the other person’s specified time.

If I just based on these qualities, the person who is most unlike me at the moment would be my mother. Just based on these qualities, we are as completely polar opposite as anything can be.

I mean she likes to be alone too but not unless she has to. I think if there’s a choice for her, she would rather be surrounded by people. She likes to study in an utter quiet environment, an environment that would had driven me to the edge of insanity. Have I mention she’s a clean freak? She’s constantly cleaning and doesn’t care if I’m busy or not, she will bug me with her cleaning.

I don’t know how we managed to survive living together for so many years. I guess by constantly fighting about little things but at the end of the day, whether or not we are completely opposite, we are still mother and daughter.

Life is too short…

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Life is too short to lead an unhealthy life. Yes, life will be short when you’re eating unhealthy food everyday as well as not going to exercise. I learned this the hard way when I moved to Texas. Continue reading “Life is too short…” →

“I’m Sorry…”

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Sometimes, I think back to that fateful afternoon more than two years ago when my mom, our international guest, and I came back from the biennial air show up at Hill Air Force. After we came home, I went upstairs to my computer and logged onto Facebook so, you know, I can tell everyone I’ve just came back from watching airplanes do stunts in the sky.

I never got to doing that. I don’t know why but instead, I went to my step-dad’s Facebook page. The moment I arrived, his wall was filled with “R.I.P”. I was like what the heck happened??? This cannot be true. Is this some kind of joke?

Unfortunately, it was not. I immediately went to Google and search. There was an obituary. “Oh god.” I covered my mouth. I guess I was trying to cry but no tears came out.

My mind was spinning with questions. How come no one told me about this? They knew my mother’s phone number, she hadn’t changed it since we moved to Utah.

I went back to his wall and wrote the message. “What happened???”

A day later, I received a message back from his friend, Mark, in California, someone my step-dad introduced me to not long after I came to the United States.

In the message, Mark told me that this must be shocking for me to hear because my step-dad and I were just beginning to reconcile. He knew that because my step-father told him in a phone call a few months before his death. He told me that if I wish to know what happened, reply back to him.

For a few months, I did not reply. A few days later, my mom and I switched phones because the balance on my phone needed to be used before it expired. I waited eagerly for someone, my step-aunt, step-grandparents, anyone from my step-father’s family to call or possibly leave a message saying, “I’m sorry. I should’ve told you months ago.” No one did whatsoever.

I think it was February of 2013 when I messaged him back, saying I would like to know what happened exactly. My hands shook as I typed those words.

It was a few days later when he replied. He told me his liver failed and his sister had been trying to reach out to everyone the weeks prior to his funeral but perhaps she lost my mom’s number. I thanked him in the reply message for telling me what I wanted to know.

Up until now, I often wondered that if I’ve stayed with him in 2007 instead of moving here with my mom, would this happen? If I’ve stayed with him, I would had kept him occupied, like all those years before when my mom was so busy working. I think if I did, he might had led a healthy life instead of drinking and smoking that led to his early grave.

Thank you

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Re: To my Family: Continue reading “Thank you” →

To My Family:

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I’ve been trying to convey these messages for what seemed like forever because I know that if I ever say these things out loud, all you’d do is laugh. Therefore, I’ve decided to write it down which I am sure that one day, you’d be able to look at this and understand every single word I say (alas, that day is today!)

  1. Having an imagination is not a bad thing. It doesn’t mean a person is crazy. It just means they are creative. It just means their brain is capable of coming up of situations that don’t normally happen in life. Like it or not, some people would be so jealous to be able to come up with a fantasy world.
  2. Another thing, you guys keep teasing me about my writing. You guys think that just because I was bullied at school a long time ago, all my writing would constantly be focused on that. There are tons of other things I’d like to write about other than my childhood.
  3. Just because I’m slow at grasping subjects doesn’t mean I’m stupid. I just like to turn something inside out to make sure I understand to the point I will never forget.
  4. The final message is that just because I’ve been given clothes, food, and shelter does NOT mean my life is a piece of cake. Life is not easy for anybody.

I do hope that after reading this, you guys would be a little more appreciative of the things I do and take what I say a little more seriously.

Love, 

Yinglan

A Childhood Poem

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I remember there was a time when I can memorize just about anything. Some of you, like my mother would say, yeah, that’s call when you’re a child. Continue reading “A Childhood Poem” →

The Long and Bumpy Road

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Sometimes, I think back to three years ago, I was in the third year of my undergraduate degree, when my mother suggested that I switch major from engineering to accounting. I didn’t listen. I even argued that if I switched, I would have to start over. Except for the math courses, I would have to take the lower requirements courses all over again.

I went on to my degree until the end. Now, three years later, I am sitting in an intermediate accounting class, trying to understand something I have no knowledge of. Yes, I have an undergraduate degree but without passing the licensing exam, I cannot get a job. So I’m kind of back to square one and have to go back to school to learn about something else. Sometimes, I feel like if I did switch major  three years ago, I would have graduated this year or the next and I might even have a job instead of now, still in school, next to jobless, still living with mom. 

But I didn’t fail, I believe I have just hit one of the bumps on the road of success. The road of success may be long and bumpy but sooner or later, we will reach the end which at that time, we will tell our extra spicy success stories.

Memories of the 21st Century

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Dear Buyer of the 23rd Century,

Great, you found my 21st century hard drive! This little disk was extremely valuable to me back in the days. I even refused to get rid of it. I don’t know how my friend actually convinced me to get rid of it though. Anyway, on this little guy are precious memories like pictures and stories I never got to finish. Oh, and all everything I learned from college are on here.

You will find plenty of cloud drives on there. Yes, they were popular back then and you can often tell a person’s insecurity by just how many cloud drives they have on their computers. Obviously, I am very insecure about my files.

Let me tell you a story. I wasn’t always like that. I used to only have one cloud drive. That was before my cousins came to visit me in 2012. They didn’t bring a computer of their own and my mother insisted that they use mine and not hers. So I let them.

I didn’t monitor their usage and who knows what they had used it for because about a week after we got back from Los Angeles, a part of my computer suddenly died. I was nervous, anxious and my hands shook for days before I had to do a big cleanup, place everything on flash drives or my portable hard drive. Then I did a big reset, wipe the drive clean and start over.

The transferring of the files back on my computer was a pain. It took me days, weeks, and even months to get my computer the way it was again. Then, I decided, I am never saving anything on the hard drive ever again. Everything will be on a cloud drive so I can go online and retrieve my files anytime and not have to fear of losing anything ever again. Oh, did I mention my portable hard drive failed once and I had to replace it? Yeah, I lost plenty of things there.

Good Luck,

Yinglan

Second-hand Struggles

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There are no better stories than when someone tells about their struggles, at least that’s the best second-hand story I heard to-date. The best one I’ve heard so far was from my mother. During special dinners, she often tells snippet of her adventures in America. She still tells it but often, it remains vague and incomplete because conversations topics often get switch around and she never had a chance to tell the complete version of the story.

I’ve always wanted to know the complete story. How did my mom and step-dad meet? What made them want to get married? But I never bothered to ask for the full story because the story of her struggles often leaves me feeling guilty. So I guess I’ll have to live with only having the snippets.

Note: each paragraph is just another snippet I collected from dinner. No embellishment whatsoever.

I came to the United States with $1000 dollars in my pocket. After the tour, all I have left was $800 and I didn’t want to go home. So when everyone got on a plane that would take them from Los Angeles to China, I stayed at the airport. 

I didn’t know English. I couldn’t even understand when the operator on the pay-phone told me to dial one first before dialing number with different area code until a stranger explained to me. 

Within a few months, I passed my TOEFL and changed my travel visa to a student visa. My money supply was dwindling. I had to go get a job even though it wasn’t legal. 

I got a job as a live-in housekeeper for a single mom with two kids. She treated me awfully and so did her boys. Her boys often get in trouble school and she ended up to have to fix those problems. After a few months, I quit. 

At school, I met a nice lady and she told me her husband’s bakery was hiring. I got the job. It was far and I had to take an hour bus to get there. It was the best job so far. He often gave me left-over to take home. After a few months, he had to let me go because he could no longer afford a hand. 

I met Jim in my darkest time. I was working in a restaurant and going to school full-time. I met him in an elevator. He gave me his sandwich when I forgot dinner. He provided me with transportation when I needed. 

Don’t Do That!!!

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Today’s Daily Prompt says, “It’s Halloween, and you just ran out of candy. If the neighborhood kids (or anyone else, really) were to truly scare you, what trick would they have to subject you to?”

Two days ago, while I was waiting for the instructor to come open the door to the classroom, I was thinking about the plot for the story I’m writing at the moment. My mind quickly left the building and flew to fantasy-land. I was about to have a breakthrough in the plot when something or someone collided into me and snapped me back to reality. I was sure I was going to fall but I steadied my footing. 

My friend, Yoon, laughed. “You scared me!” I whined. 

“You didn’t see me coming?” 

I shook my head, “I was thinking about something else.” My chest was pounding so hard at that moment like it was going to pop out of my chest.

Her friend appeared from around the corner. “What are you doing scaring people?” Her friend said. 

“It’s Halloween.” Yoon replied.

“Na uh, in two days.” I said and Yoon just rolled her eyes and then the instructor arrived and opened the door. 

I get scared easily, just catch me at a moment of absentmindedness and jump out at me, that’ll do. Don’t do one of those elaborate tricks, those will just give me nightmares for a long time as well as ruin Halloween for me or I’ll remember that moment and hate you forever. So for that, DON’T SCARE ME!

Happy Halloween, everyone!

A Crazy Night

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I remember there was this one night, I was watching television when all of a sudden, everything went ridiculous dark. The power’s gone out. I jumped, not out of fear but because it happened suddenly. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest because first of all, I couldn’t see anything and there were stairs very nearby.

“What’s going on?” A voice from upstairs asked.

“Power’s out.” I was like duh. Did she think I turn off everything? For some reason, my mom rather sit in the dark to browse the internet than turn on the bedroom light.

Talk about messy. You can't find anything in there!
There’s the flashlight.

I slowly made my way up the three steps from the living room to the kitchen-dining combination to search for the flashlight in the dark in our oh so messy drawer. I feel around the drawer and couldn’t find the flashlight. I began to panic and perhaps a teeny tiny bit of tears did squeeze from my eyes. A million thoughts ran through my mind at the same time.

Where’s the damn flashlight? Why can’t we be more prepared in these situations? Why can’t she just invest some money in some flashlights? We don’t use it often doesn’t mean we won’t need it.

“Did you find the flashlight?”

“NO!” I said, frustrated.

She clicked her tongue and came down the stairs. She pushed me aside and went on a rampage in the drawers to search for the flashlight. At last, after making a large mess, she found the flashlight. By then about 10 minutes has passed. “Is it just us?” She asked and shined her way to the basement to check the fuses while I went to the living room window.

The street outside was crazy dark and none of the houses had any lights. “It’s everyone.” I replied.

“Call the power company.”

I made my way up the stairs to my room and search for my cell which was easy guided by the bright light coming from the computer screen. I dialed the number to the power company but it informed me that the power can be out from an hour to 8 hours which is very bad for three reasons:

  1. The night is warm and I cannot sleep without a fan
  2. A refrigerator full of food and milk that can go bad
  3. No light and hot water to shower

Just as I began to panic some more, I heard a beep and something lit up downstairs. The power had been restored and now I need to reset everything. Great, Excellent, Perfect. 

Tipped and Unbalanced

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It feels so great to be back. I’ve missing from the world of blogging for the past couple of days because I was on a deadline but all this is passed. I’ve finished my homework and now just have study for an exam which is in two days.

Anyway, yesterday early morning, after just barely 6 hours of sleep, I saw the daily prompt. I was going to write it but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was like, eh, I’ll just do it later and I never did. The reasons for that are I am tired and my brain was foggy and the other reason, I don’t believe and know anything about astrological signs. Research wasn’t my strong suit so I decided to abandon the blog for one more day.

Today though, I found the prompt finally to be interesting, it said, “Yesterday you invented a new astrological sign. Today, write your own horoscope — for the past month (in other words, as if you’d written it October 1st).”

I am not going to try and invent a new astrological sign. So I’ll use my own. I am a libra and the symbol for that is the scale. It’s supposed to remain balance but this month, if anything, it feels like it’s tipped.

 

Okay, now, I’m curious. I am opening up another tab to check this out. Wow, it’s strangely and insanely accurate. How did they do that? So why do I need to write my own? Oh well, whatever, here goes:

October will be a challenging month. There will be communication chaos and this will cause frustration to relationships. You want to get your thoughts out, but it’s possible the other person will not be receptive to them, or they won’t understand what you’re trying to convey. You may have to just let this one go.

October has been a roller-coaster month full of family drama, exams, and homework. I am really looking forward to the end of this month and on to the next. It can only get better and I know it.

Casual and Simple

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Today’s Daily Prompt says, “We’re less than a week away from Halloween! If you had to design a costume that channeled your true, innermost self, what would that costume look like? Would you dare to wear it?”

I don’t celebrate Halloween. I haven’t celebrated Halloween ever since I was 12. What happened? Long story, there was a school dance and I wore a lame costume and everyone laughed. So that’s the end of Halloween.

If I have to design a costume that channels my true innermost self, it wouldn’t have any design whatsoever. It will probably be the most casual costume on the planet. It will probably just sweat pants and shirt. I’m into comfort and simplicity, p.s. that’s why I call my blog, My Simple Life. I am not into any elaborate things, that’s not me.

As a child, I wasn’t really into dress-up, okay maybe a little. Now, if you ask me to dress-up, NO WAY. And this is probably all thanks to a dress that I wore for a professional photo-shoot when I was five (I had to wear a white halter-top dress that made me look like a ribbon tree) and my Halloween costume when I was 11 (I was Cinderella). Hard to imagine me in those now. Anyway, they were both itchy and tight. I could barely breathe and I kept feeling like if I did, somewhere would rip.

So, anything comfortable and breathable, that’s my costume and I will be dared enough to wear it. 😀

Have to get ready, big test today. Ugh, I hate taking tests on Saturdays. 😦

I just want this to end!!!

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Today’s Daily Prompt States: “We all seem to insist on how busy, busy, busy we constantly are. Let’s put things in perspective: tell us about the craziest, busiest, most hectic day you’ve had in the past decade.” Continue reading “I just want this to end!!!” →

Life

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Today’s Daily Prompt asks, “At what age did you realize you were not immortal? How did you react to that discovery?” Continue reading “Life” →

The Adaptation and Imitation of New Styles

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unsplash-kitsune-4Today’s Daily Prompt asks, “From your musical tastes to your political views, were you ever way ahead of the rest of us, adopting the new and the emerging before everyone else?”

Okay, first of all, my work, incredibly tedious. I just sit at my two computers and turn my head back and forth at the screens to make sure each of the article on the website is properly updated and translated from English to Chinese. Of course, sometimes, it requires utter concentration when there’s a long paragraph that is needed to be translated but most of the time, I just need to update the images and proofread to make sure it’s not missing any periods, colons, or comma or misused words.

Why am I telling you this?

Because often, when it’s just me and mom working, I’d get bored listening to mom smacking the keys on the keyboard. I’d put my ear-buds into my ear and listen to my iPod but then I can’t hear whenever mom has a question about the translation. So listening to iPod is out unless I am alone.

So I turned to Pandora, an online radio where I get to choose what I like to listen to. The thing I like about Pandora is its variety. If you choose the stations right and then press shuffle, it’s great. I like to listen to a mix of new and old songs and best of all, it doesn’t just play the most popular songs like the local radio stations does, it plays world music. As long as it’s in English, it’ll play.

As I listen to it, often times, my ears would tune into the styling of the song. Sometimes I would click on a song I like and will be surprised to learn that it’s been released for 2 or 3 years and most of these kind of songs are from UK and Australia.

This leaves me wonder, does it take this long to reach North America? Because sure enough, a few months later, that same exact song is introduced on the local top hits radio as new music and I’ll be like the styling’s current but the song is 2 or 3 years late.

Have you noticed that the music styles from UK and/or Australia have been two or three years ahead of North America and the artist in North America just listen to those styles and mimic, and adapt to new styles? 

That’s just my opinion because the styles from the pop artists here are very similar and I have basically given up listening to top 40 radio and instead, I turn to station filled with old tunes.

Clutter not Messy

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I started writing the daily prompt yesterday but didn’t know what to write after the chaos that happened this past weekend. Honestly though, an extra hour a day, to me won’t feel any difference these days because I’ve been so darn busy during the weekend. Continue reading “Clutter not Messy” →

The Gift that Introduced Reading

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zEk8RJdmQrqja2XwbjgJ_DSC_2368Today’s Daily Prompt states: “What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without reading a book (since learning how to read, of course)? Which book was it that helped break the dry spell?”

It wasn’t which book that helped me to break the dry spell, it was what. A kindle, that is what got me to start reading again. Before that, I barely even picked up a book, let alone read it. It was late 2011, I think, when mom asked me to go online and help her to use the points on her Marriott hotel reward card. I went online and nothing really looked good until when I saw the kindle.

It cost over 10,000 points, I believe, and mom had just enough. Around two months later, it came and I remember the first book I read on the kindle was The Prince and the Pauper. I’ve seen many versions of the book come to life on the screen whether is cartoon (Mickey Mouse) or the real-life version, I’ve always wanted to read this book to find out the real story. It is a great and funny story to read and essentially then, I began reading and soon writing.

Ever since I got my tablet early last year though, I handed the kindle to mom for her to use in her free time and I began reading from the app on my tablet instead. The longest streak I’ve gone without reading a book since then is I believe two or three weeks because I have school and work that I didn’t have time to sit down to read.

Now, I read just a little bit during lunch and that’s it so I don’t waste time to read instead of work and do my homework. So my book consumption have slowed quite a bit recently. It took me two months just to read the whole Divergent series. I enjoyed it though. Now I have to move on to other books.