Daily Prompt: A writer once said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” If this is true, which five people would you like to spend your time with?
Whoever said that is completely full of it. But if this was true, I’ll bet words like introvert and shy will not exist just like I wasn’t so kept to myself when I was in middle school. Oh yes, we are going back to middle school again because it was middle school that made me who I am today, not high school.
In middle school, I surrounded myself with the smartest people in the entire school or the 40% student population that’s Asian. I am talking straight A’s and never took a test that resulted in less than 90%. These guys and gals were great at everything – math, science, language arts, and even PE. I thought if I hung out with them long enough, their smartness and coolness will rub off onto me (that’s obviously not true).
In 6th and 7th grade, I hung out with them almost every minute of everyday, except weekends and when school’s out, you get my point. They stopped hanging out with me after the first several weeks. This tend to happen with people like me – people with not much to offer. I suspect they grew tired of me though because I wasn’t smart enough for their “group”. Too late, you’ve already introduce me to everyone you know.
Soon, I became something of an incessant shadow, always want in on the action. I don’t know why I even both to do that. They don’t even like me. Oh yes I do!
There was this theory I worked out when I was in 2nd grade, I still believe in it partially. The theory is if you shadow someone long enough, you’ll become more like them. And that was exactly what I wanted. I wanted to be smarter, cooler, have more friends, part of the crowd, all of it, just not the being an a** part which is exactly what they were.
It didn’t work. I think as time went on, I became more and more like a virus. Whenever I walked near the group, they immediately moved away like they unconsciously found themselves standing under a beehive and just now hear the buzzing. It made me feel awful and sad and one day, I even heard them call me annoying like I wasn’t even there.
In 8th grade, I decided. Why should I change for this people? They aren’t worth it. From then on, I kept mostly to myself. Eat lunch alone or with whoever’s sitting next to me in the cafeteria. Eventually though, I did have a couple of new students that had just arrived in the U.S. with hardly any knowledge of the English language. They wanted to be follow me around, be in my own little group of one and together, we became friends.
In 2007, when Facebook was in and Myspace was out, the group of smarta** that called me annoying, sent me friend requests. I wanted to deny each and every one of them the privilege to be my friend again. I almost said FU to the computer.
Why should I be your friends when you spent a majority of 7th and 8th grade teasing and bullying me? Am I that friend that exist only when you want something?
Unfortunately, the part of me that really really really want to be part of the “cool Asian group” again took over and I had hit the accept button. Ugh, I hate that part of me.
Oh well, it’s not like I use Facebook much or anyone’s listening to what I say on there anyway.