The answer is so obvious, isn’t it? I write. Before that, I whine and of course, nobody likes a whiner and by whining, not only did it not make me feel better but it made me feel worse.
My step-dad would say, “speak, don’t whine.”
“But I’m not whining,” I would whine but the thing is, I can’t help it, that’s just the way my voice sounds. It’s got the whine element which can drive some people to the edge of insanity.
So why should I speak if you’ll just make me feel bad?
For a time, I remember, I tried writing every single thought on paper and show it to my step-dad. He hated it and to be honest, I did too, mostly it’s because it was a lot of work to write every single thought down on paper especially when I couldn’t express my thoughts fluidly. So I gave up and once again, tried to speak while attempting to suppress my whine.
Not what I call a success. To this day, I still have the whine in my voice and it makes me sound like every word I say is my attempt to get people to feel sorry for me but trust me, that is the last thing I want.
So I switched to writing and now, great, I often find myself stuttering because I struggle to get my thoughts straight. With writing, I can write a draft and then go back and edit what I wrote but with speaking, once it’s out of my mouth, that’s it, there’s no going back.
My mom often tell me I say the stupidest things, that I’m too honest when I speak. Like I’ve said, with writing, I can edit my thoughts, I can take my sweet time to draft them, move them around to make them fluid but when I speak, I can’t and apparently, my brain is not really capable of multi-tasking. So most of the time, I’d find myself saying the first thing that pops into my head.
So that’s why I’ve chosen writing as my form of expression and of course, creatively, that is also my form of expression since I’m incapable of drawing even a bird to save my life. Hmm, I guess that’s one of the reasons I tend to portray my main characters to be strong, independent females.