Dear Mom

Published on by Yinglan

I am writing this letter because there’s been lots on my mind and living with you hadn’t made it any easier. I also want to I’m sorry I’ve been a little cranky lately. I know I should say it to your face instead of writing it here but let’s face it, I can never do that. You’d say I deserve it and give me one of your a-waste-of-time lectures. 51

The way you attempt to micromanage my life. It’s very frustrated. Time to eat, time to sleep, time to work. I am 24, not 5. I don’t need anyone telling me when I should do this and when I should that. Okay, I feel a little ashamed for getting getting angry at 24 because I am still living at home but still, I think I have the right.

You don’t even know, do you? That you’re micromanaging me? Of course, you don’t. You micromanage everybody.

There’s that and the fact that I just spent my winter break working. I mean, you can’t even let me have a few hours by myself, just let me read a novel or write a story or something. You just have to hog all the attention. Don’t you know I’ve been looking forward to this break for a long time?

It’s been one hell of a semester especially the part where I have to tutor you on your homework and have to constantly listen to you complain about one of the best teacher I’ve ever had in college. Then I stare at my textbook day and night. All I wanted was to spend my winter break reading something I enjoy and let my brain relax but what do you do? You make me work.

That first week, I worked until Christmas Eve and I thought I would get a break after Christmas but you roped me into another project. Okay, I don’t mind a project and deadline but I do mind you criticizing me throughout and turning down every one of my ideas. You keep telling me, “Think before do,” but it seems like you don’t do that yourself. I mean, you tell me one thing and less than a minute later, you start screaming at how I’m doing it wrong. This was your idea in the first place!

Here’s another, all these expectations you have for the website? It’s too much. You’re expecting too much. It’s a $300/year website. You can’t compare it to Amazon and Ebay which are like what? 300K?

I am not a professional web designer, okay. The only web design class I took was 10 years ago in high school. That’s it. I wanted to take more, go for a degree but you said it pays too low. Whose fault is that? So stop expecting me to be a professional web designer or a handyman. I am not jack of all trades nor am I perfect. I make mistakes.

There’s another, over the years, you’ve managed to suck all the confidence from me. Do you how nervous I was that day I went clothes shopping by myself? I almost left the store empty-handed because I was so afraid you’d yell at me for not getting a great deal on the clothes. It took me a enormous amount of courage to walk out of the store that day with the clothes I wanted. 473027

You say it’s not possible for me to get depressed or any kind of psychological disorder but I’m telling you, just because I don’t cry in front of you doesn’t mean I don’t cry alone.

Sincerely Yours,

27 thoughts on “Dear Mom”

  1. I think you should really tell her how you feel. If you don’t, she will never know where she has been going wrong. I would say move out. Living alone is one of the most awesome things to do. I did it few years back and the freedom I got was amazing!

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    1. She’s blind when it comes to her owns faults. Others have tried and failed. What luck do I have? I’d say move out too except I don’t have the job or the ability.

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  2. Time to start telling your Mum “no” occasionally, I think. I lived with my parents for a couple of years when I came back from living in Ireland and I started to go very quietly crazy 🙂
    Maybe try to get a part time job, then you can tell your Mum you don’t have time for all her projects because you have a part time job, plus you can maybe save enough to move out, maybe a flat share to start with?

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    1. Unfortunately, I already have two part time jobs and plus school. Yet, I don’t have enough money to support myself. I think my tuition ate all my money.

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  3. Yep, Chinese mamas are always out for a deal. I bet your Ma checks grocery tickets better twice than once. Don’t worry, you’ll grow out of it because you know that she won’t. And you did buy stuff in that store. So relax and let it fly. Better weird king of love from your mama than no love at all. Take care.

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    1. Yep, you bet she is. Unlike her, I don’t go striking bargains. If that’s market price, I’ll pay it. If it’s too expensive, I don’t buy or I’ll go somewhere else but I guess you have a point, better some love than none.

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  4. It can be very challenging living as an adult with your parent(s) as I am very much aware. Looks like you need to sit down and talk about the situation which will be very trying I can tell you.

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    1. It will be difficult since my mom doesn’t take bad news or criticism well. I’m afraid that if I do this, there’s a strong chance she’ll kick me out before I can say anything else.

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  5. It sounds my experience while I was in China 20 some years ago. My parents were constantly criticizing me. The best thing I did was to leave them behind and land at this country, so that I could re – build my life.

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    1. I guess that’s something all Chinese parents have in common. They like to make their children perfect. Unfortunately, no one’s perfect. I think you made the right move. I wish I can do the same thing myself.

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  7. How much school do you have left? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? I love that you are willing to bare your heart. I wish you could tell it to your mom directly, but I’ve seen the sort you describe with my wife’s mom… Her mom has been tearing her down for years, and she can’t say anything because her mom won’t take it the right way, and it ultimately won’t change anything.

    Good luck! Hang in there. Your freedom will eventually come.

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  8. As long as you are with your mom, your mom will take the reins and the steering wheel which is called “your life”. it would be best that someday, you can move out and have your own place… 🙂
    I’m just thinking aloud…

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  9. Sounds like your mother micro manages you. That is hard! There is nothing worse than living with someone who is controlling, domineering, and closed minded. I’ll be glad when you can move out on your own.

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  11. Easy for me to say, I guess, since I’m not the one living with her. 🙂 I’m sorry you’re in this situation. It sounds like your mom is projecting her own fears and inadequacies onto you, but you seem like a very intelligent and capable young person with a whole life of possibilities ahead of you. I hope you’ll be able to find a way to cut the apron strings soon. Maybe you could start by spending less time at home–study at school, for example, and go out more with friends?

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  12. Your best option would be to move out but, as someone who’s currently living with her parents because she can’t afford a place on her own, I know how much easier that is said than done! I hope you manage to hold on to your sense of self in the face of her micromanagement.

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  13. I will be happy for you when you finally get to move out and have a place of your own. I agree with you, if you can hang on until you finish school it will be easier to make the move. I think your mom realizes that your time is limited now as far as you’re continuing to live with her and she probably thinks about it but would never let you know, yet she is unable to make herself change and make things better and happier for you and her! Eventually, she will have to let go, but right now she is still somewhat in charge and she knows she has the advantage. Once you move out you will probably see a big change in her…for the better..I hope. You will be amazed at the freedom you will have and the change that will take place in your life. The real You will blossom like you have never seen. I think independence is one of the most joyful things in life and it does make people happier. You certainly deserve to be independent and happy!

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