Safe Haven

Published on by Yinglan

As few of you know, I’ve been seeing a therapist since the beginning of this month and I think it’s time I update my current mental situation. 

It’s been almost a month since I made the ultimate decision to stay instead of moving out and I must admit, at times, I still regret the decision. My mom and I barely talk these days since she’s been so focused on getting the rental house ready to be rented out again while I’ve been focused on my studying. I feel like if I talk to her, I might get angry again as I’ve been angry and on edge this entire month even though there’s no reason for me to be. 13119-Its-Time-To-Move-On

It’s in the past, move on already, I keep telling myself but the more I tell myself, the more irritated and closer to the edge I seem to get. I’m frustrated because my mom is selfish, inconsiderate, and a bully, as my boss put it after his encounter with her. So I’m not the only one who feel this way, my boss now feels the same way after seeing her dark side.

She doesn’t care about anyone else’s feelings but her own. Like last weekend, I had planned to spend Saturday completing my management homework and Sunday studying for my marketing exam. Instead, I spent Saturday getting on my hands and knees painting the baseboards and closets at the rental house. The task ruined my perfectly good pair of sweatpants and sweatshirt, not to mention my knees still hurts from kneeling. “My knees hurt,” I said and it backfired.

“So am I!” She said, “I’ve been working every day this week for this house.” I couldn’t say anything after that because my anger has sparked again. She didn’t understand the calcification had once again started in my joints and thus caused the pain and if I told her, she’d just say, “See a doctor!” Not every matter in life can be solved by a doctor.

So I guess you now know why I have to see a therapist. She’s been helping me to deal with the negativity and the harsh environment I have to call home. I’ve only been in two sessions but I’ve already learned a lot. She taught me to do meditative exercises, to imagine a safe haven, some place I can set all these feelings free and cast her negative words out of my system. I’ve been doing that at night before I go to bed. Every night before I head to bed, I would open the Pandora radio app on my tablet, go to “spa radio” and let the water sounds take me away. beach_of_Okinawa_GJ090

The place I tend to imagine is the beach at sunset. I’d imagine myself just sitting there, watching the sunset and the water rush back and forth on the shore and the birds fly across the sky, I’d feel peace. At times when I’m restless, I might even imagine myself walking along the beach, dig my feet into the wet sand with every step, and watch the water wash my prints away. Then I’d soon drift off to sleep with that serene image in my mind.

Daily Prompt – Footsteps

Daily Prompt – Edge

Image Credit: Google

35 thoughts on “Safe Haven”

  2. I’m really sorry you’re having to endure this negative environment. My time with my mother was also hellish, and I couldn’t leave the house fast enough. I really do understand. Good for you for seeing someone who can help you learn to cope. I wish I had had the foresight to do that.

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  3. I understand what you’re going through! I hope it works out! I had a hard time growing up with my mom, too, but its better now, we are closer and she understands me more. So don’t give up ok? Oh, and I’ve been to therapy, it really works!

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  7. Sorry you are going through this. I’m glad you have the therapist to help you. I hope your Mother doesn’t bother you much and that you don’t feel inclined to be with her if she is being mean and selfish. I know she’s your Mom, but it’s not fair to you. Happy Easter.

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    1. I knew I’ll have to see a therapist sooner or later and I’m glad I picked sooner and right now, I’m just trying to get through the days to the best of my abilities. Thank you for reading and happy Easter to you too.

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  8. My parents are amazing but when I went back to live with them for a couple of years when I came back from working abroad I started to go slowly nuts. And the longer I stayed the harder it was to move out.

    Time for you to move out maybe? I bet if you do all your problems will go away and you’ll feel so free. Okay, you’ll have new problems but they’ll be your problems, not problems transferred from your mum.

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    1. No doubt! I know it’s time for me to move out, I almost did a few weeks ago but I changed my mind at the last second because I knew if I did, I’d have financial trouble in the first month. So I guess, I made a good decision and a bad decision.

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  10. I hope you make the break away sooner, than later, but you’ll know when the time is right for you. Could be, when you are on your own, she will realize you are an adult now, and not someone she can boss around anymore. The meditation sounds so nice, too. 🙂

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  11. Did that painting at the rent house result in the ability to rent the house and get money to pay for the expenses at your mom’s house where you are living? Or does she use the rent money for her exclusive pleasure? Independence will be good for both you and your mom I am sure. But, it is true for most of us that we have to make concessions to the people we share space with. Right now I’d just as soon eat crackers and cheese for dinner but I will consider the needs of my husband and son. They probably need more. And my husband has been working on the vacuum cleaner and cleaning the carpet for about two or three hours. He probably would just as soon have been lying on the couch. We work it out and live together. We could hardly afford the expenses of living separately even if we wanted to. Don’t feel bad about making the choice to live there. The time will come when you can do something else. Perhaps you will be able to rent with a friend who can help with expenses. Hang in, dear Yinglan. And keep giving us stories. (You know I like the happy endings.) 😀 😀

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    1. One more thing, I think it is great that you are using the ocean sounds to lull you to sleep. Nice and cozy. Also good for the choice of sharing your concerns with a good counselor. Glad you like him/her. Good choices for coping.

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    2. We had to re-paint the entire rental home in order to get it rented out because our last tenants destroyed the wall and the rent is to help pay for the mortgage of that house. We barely make anything off of it. Oh yes, definitely, independence will be so good, at least, for me now at the moment. And, haha, I will certainly keep writing stories and hopefully some happy ending. 🙂

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  12. My girlfriend is currently in a similar relationship with her parents.
    Her mum has been in an accident and is unable to walk without support and is confined mostly to her bedroom. Because of this, she feels lonely and angry, and her daughter is in a position where her mum wants her to drop work, and studies to support her.
    When she does her mum is angry, and when she doesn’t she’s not supportive either, so I can empathise with your position in life.
    No matter you choose, I pray you find happiness in your decision.
    No regrets, live life like it was meant to be!

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    1. Yikes! I think your girlfriend’s mother is worse than mine. That is just cruel how her mother treated her. I feel sorry for her now.

      Thanks for reading and the encouragements. 🙂

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  14. Pingback: NaPoWriMo – Day 7 – “The Endless Beauty Of An Authentic Voice” by David Ellis | toofulltowrite (I've started so I'll finish)

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