Hello, welcome to #weekendcoffeeshare! It’s too bad today is rainy, otherwise, we can enjoy a cup of tea or coffee out in the garden.
Can you believe May is only a week away?
I’m looking forward to it because according to Google, May 3 is the last frost date in my area. This means, though there is still a possibility of a frost, it’s minimal. I think if the temperature falls below 32 degrees-Fahrenheit or 0 degree-Celsius, then Mother Nature is playing a cruel joke on everyone.
Last frost date also means I can finally move some of the plants into the ground instead of letting it occupy my shelves. My summer flowers are definitely ready, so are the beans, summer squashes, and peppers. I might wait one or two week more on the tomatoes since most are still pretty small. Either way, I must clear my shelves in order to have room to start cucumbers, watermelons, and cantaloupes.
I like starting seeds indoors and moving them outdoors when they are a little bigger. It’s a good way to guarantee the seeds will germinate because sometimes, the birds will eat the seed before anything germinates. It’s frustrating when one waits and waits when the seed is long gone.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you I’m finally seeking help. After more than a year of indecisions, I’m finally utilizing the Employee Assistant Program (EAP) provided by my employer to seek counseling.
One of the reasons I didn’t seek counseling sooner is because in-person visit wasn’t offered during the pandemic, only virtual. I wasn’t interested in doing virtual counseling sessions since I don’t have the privacy at home to speak freely and I was (still am) afraid mom would barge in at any moment during one of my meetings. Thankfully, in-person visits are back.
The other reason why I didn’t go get counseling sooner is because I’m skeptical. I had been to counseling before in college for the same reason I’m going now. Both times didn’t help much because both therapists suggested meditation and how I can benefit from it.
The counseling sessions were often spent with eyes closed, trying to picture and focus on a white light in our minds. I felt like the longer I sat there, the more agitated I got.
What’s making me seek counseling is mom’s behavior. I want to be anywhere but my own house these days. When I’m at home, I feel trapped and constantly find myself walking on tip-toes around mom because I don’t know what her moods are like these day.
Last Sunday, while I was taking out the garbage, she grabbed my earbuds out of its box and flung it across the room. When I returned, I found one earbud on the dining room while the other was by the trash can in the kitchen. “You’re lucky it’s your earbuds,” she said, “If I could, I would’ve flung a chair at you head.”
“You crazy bitch!” I wanted to scream but let’s face it, I don’t have the guts. I just picked up the earbuds and ran to my room, slammed the door, and sat with my back against the door since my bedroom door doesn’t have a lock because heaven forbid I should have privacy in my house.
When I returned home from work on Tuesday, before I even walked into the door, she had already started yelling and screaming about a few specks of soil on the top of my digital piano, which I might had accidentally spilled when I watered my plants that morning. “Look at all the dirt!” She screamed. “That’s why my room is so dusty and that’s why I have shingles. It’s the dirt!”
She acted like I had brought home the dust bowl. I don’t know how I’m feeling inside. My brain is completely confused. I feel sad, angry, frustrated, and a bunch of other emotions I can’t even describe. All I can say is next Monday’s counseling session next Monday better not be like the other ones.
I appreciate you stopping by and reading this week’s #weekendcoffeeshare, hope to chat again same time next week.
This is Another Story 
Even though you didn’t ask, here’s what I think. Your mom needs counseling or hospital care and you should move.
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I agree, she needs some kind of treatment. There’s something going on. She laughed when I once told her I was going to counseling. Not going to make that mistake again.
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Take your therapy seriously. From high in the balcony seats I see somebody who is abused and might have a little ptsd. But, what do I know? Stay mighty.
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I think you might be right.
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Just take care of you. Stay mighty.
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Your plants are looking so good! Hope they all turn into a wonderful crop of vegetables and flowers this year.
I’m wishing the best for you with the counseling that you get some good practical advice this time. ❤
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Thank you, I’m looking forward to seeing these seedlings grow into large plants.
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Wow, frost at the beginning of May?? Anyway, your indoor seeds look great.
I wish you the very best with your counselling. I don’t know your mother’s story or why you are presently living with her but please remember to stay safe and that for no reason your mother should become a danger to you (or to herself).
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Yeah, frost is definitely still a possibility in May.
Actually, it’s more like she’s living with me since it’s my house and I pay all the bills. I’ve tried evicting her a few times but she kept reminding me of all the money I still owe her. Ugh…
I think there’s something that’s causing her to act this way though and I certainly hope I won’t be in danger from her.
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Hi YingLan,
You are taking a great step in the right direction.
I wish I could offer actionable advice but am stuck with advising you to ask your counselor to only focus on actionable steps you could take to put some distance between you and your mom, like getting (forcing) her to move back to her own home and staying there. Steps like meditation should be considered only if you think such things would be nice AFTER the obvious problem is solved.
Question: do you have other family nearby who are staying clear of your mom and are thus dumping her difficulties on you? If you do, I kind of doubt they would be willing to shoulder any of the burden you’ve been carrying all these years, but that might be part of the framework your counselor might find useful.
Good hunting my friend.
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Hi Gary, the only family nearby are my mom’s family and they all side with my mom. Obviously, I don’t have friends either.
I feel like it might trigger a litigation of some sort if I force her back to her house, which, by the way, she’s selling (asked me to take pictures of the house today; I refused, told her to take it herself). Ugh, why do I feel like it might be easier if I’m the one who needs to abandon my own house since she never thought of it as my house, anyway.
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Good for you! I’m glad you are getting counseling, and I hope it is more helpful than what you have had in the past. I am not a professional in the field, but I strongly feel meditating is not a solution for your problems. I wish you well in your journey.
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Thanks. I agree, meditation is definitely not a solution. I don’t know why I was advised to perform daily meditation in the first place. I’ve only had one session so far and I feel it’s going well. My second session will be next week.
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I hope your counseling sessions are productive. I also hope your counselor is culturally competent — I believe that’s important too.
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So far, I feel he’s competent and I’ve been able to unload a lot of things during my one session.
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I’m so glad you’re taking steps to get some support, I hope it offers what you’re looking for. Your plants look great! No doubt they will offer you an abundant season ahead! Hope your week is off to a great start!
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Thank you. After going to one session, I already feel this is going to be different from my past attempts at counseling. I hope your week is going well.
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