This is one of the most memorable quotes I’ve ever posted on this blog. I don’t remember where I got it from. All I know is that I uploaded this quote onto this blog in 2016.
Continue reading “WQ#35: Be Bold?”
WQ#35: Be Bold?
Tag: Emotional Health
WQ#34: Fun is What Comes After, Right?
I had the more fun last week than I have had in a long while when my co-workers and I spent the day riding roller coasters and sliding down the mountain in a luge fashion.
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WQ#33: Something New
WQ#32: A Chaotic and Overwhelming Week
I am feeling so out of it this week – mentally drained and tired – yet at the same time, my anxiety has taken the opportunity to rev up, making me feel irritable and overwhelmed, and making every moment of this week feel chaotic, like I’m messing up everything and can’t do anything right.
Continue reading “WQ#32: A Chaotic and Overwhelming Week”WQ#31: Alone
WQ#30: Writer’s Choice: Word of the Year Update
WQ#29: Tiny Miracles
When I think of the word “Tiny“, I think of all the small things that makes my day more bearable.
Mom has been delivering insults lately, not that she wasn’t before but I’m finding the ones she had delivered in the last week just downright…angering (if that’s a word). Usually, I can take it like my usual backache or joint-pain but this week, it felt extra painful.
She told me I’m a failed investment, that she’s better off buying stocks than invest in me. There was no precedent. I was working, reconciling payments and answering emails when she just came into my room and said that to me.
She basically told me that because I haven’t paid her back the money she lent me to pay off my car and student loans. Guess what, those were forced loans. I never asked for help to pay off any of that stuff. She made me take the money and now expects me to pay back the x-dollar amount, which I don’t even recall.
She said it’s the reason she wanted to adopt a child – she wanted to start over and train him/her to be a better version of me. Why not raise a robot, not a human? A thought came to my mind. One of my professors used to say, “How great is it to put a robot to work? They don’t complain. They don’t ask for raises. They don’t ask for day-offs. They just do what you tell them to do.”
I can never be the person she wants me to be because I’m human, not a robot. It’ll be a miracle if there’s a day when I don’t get criticism or insult from her but for now, I’ll settle for a few hours every Thursday when she’s at the office and I’m at home.
I agree, life is a series of tiny miracles and I love every one of them because, well, they bring joy.
It’s why I love gardening, I think. When I head out into the garden every morning, I notice the tiny little things that I didn’t notice the night before, like how the tiny watermelons are just a tad bigger, how the female cucumber flowers have opened at last to allow either me or the bees to pollinate, and seeing the tiny leaves poke out of the soil from newly germinated seeds.
Seeing these things energize me – like a shot of caffeine without the jitters. These teeny tiny overnight changes excite my optimistic self, it allows my imagination go wild imagining the harvest and the beauty of the plant.
WQ#28: Relaxation is not my jam
Relaxation is not my jam. Never was, although the need to be constantly keeping myself occupied became exacerbated when I was unemployed for 4 months back in 2018. Just imagine having someone who comes home every night and the first thing they do is scream at you, lecture you, or threaten you, and it’s not just on weeknights but 24/7.
I was not only anxious but I was also depressed. The words she said made me feel like completely worthless.
I was not fired from my previous job, by the way. I told the CEO I quit and he said no. I quit anyway because I’ve encountered some of the most emotionally abusive people on that job. I’ve already have one emotional abuser, I don’t need three other. There are not many people in this world that can make my cry, I’ve developed an outer shell as tough as Kevlar in the recent year, but, man oh man, and it wasn’t because I made a mistake.
It took me a long time to recover between being unemployed and being constantly threatened and lectured by mom. Even after I got my current job, I was living life at top speed but I liked it. It kept me busy, consistently working overtime. In fact, this year is the year I finally stop having consistent overtime. After 5 years, can you believe it?
Still, I can’t relax. As much as I want to just sit back and do nothing for even 5 minutes, I can’t. I either get antsy and anxious and angry or mom will give me a task to do.
I don’t even think I’ve been able to sit and read a book for a few minutes without mom calling me. So it’s not just me who won’t let me relax, it’s other people as well.
Lately, I feel like I’m not spending time on nature, doing walks, and taking pictures. I remember how much doing those things made me feel good. It was one of the few things that made my racing mind slow down.
I want to do those things again so much. I have been begging mom to let me go to Cascade Springs this summer – a lovely spot I discovered last year. “But I don’t want to go.” She said.
“I don’t need you to go.” I responded. The whole point was for me to venture on my own. Cascade Springs is a safe spot. I mean, school kids go there for field trips, how bad can it be?
Of all the places I’ve been, Cascade Springs was one of the rare places that made me slow down and listen to the water from a rushing torrent to a trickling stream. I love the sound of trickling stream, by the way, so peaceful and relaxing. When I’m restless and can’t sleep, I’d play this sound on an app on my phone and set a timer for 2 hours.
Alas, I can’t go out these days without the need to tow mom along, which it’s something I may never understand.
Here are some photos I took when I went to Cascade Springs last August.
#WeekendCoffeeShare – Potato Harvest, Cooking for Myself, and Summer Party
Greetings! Welcome to #WeekendCoffeeShare, thank you for meeting me on this Saturday morning. If you don’t mind, I’d like to sit for a moment and marvel at the lush green growth of the garden.
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5 Differences/Similarities between my Blogging Self and Real Self
We all blog for a reason, whether to build an identity in the blogging universe that’s totally different from the real life persona or to expand our real life persona into the blogging universe. This week on #5things, hosted by Tanya from Salted Caramel, she’s presenting the opportunity to list out 5 ways in which our blogging self is the same or differs from our real life counterpart.
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#WQ #18: Grow
This week’s Wednesday Quotes is all about the concept of growing and I am choosing plants for my muse.
Continue reading “#WQ #18: Grow”#WQ #12: Embrace and Adapt to Climate Change
This week’s Wednesday Quotes is all about embracing changes.
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#WeekendCoffeeShare – Pink Pancake Breakfast
Good morning! How are you on this fine Saturday morning? Come on in and we’ll chat.
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WQ #4: Envelop or Envelope #Bloganuary
For this week’s Wednesday Quotes, Marsha is challenging us with the words envelop and envelope.
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WQ #3: Laughter – Form of Exercise
On Monday, I decided to cut my cable TV service after I saw a $20 increase on last month’s bill.
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#WeekendCoffeeShare – First Work Week of 2023
Good morning! Welcome to our first #WeekendCoffeeShare of 2023! Come, sit, and don’t forget to grab something warm to drink.
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WQ #1: Word of the Year – Healing from Mental Wounds
After reading Marsha’s post for this week’s Wednesday Quotes (WQ) on her blog, Always Write, I feel inspired to come up with my own 2023 word of the year.
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#Bloganuary 2023 Prompt Day 2 and 3
#WeekendCoffeeShare – The Highs and Lows of the Week
Good morning! Come on in! It’s a good day to have some hot drinks and relax.
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US-Canada Trip 2022 Day 1
The last two days has been absolutely crazy. On Monday, I worked almost 12 hours before continuing on Tuesday with a little over 4 hours to complete my 16 hours of the 40-hour work week.
For the first time in a long while, I felt hectic, trying to get every customer billed and all the payments reconciled. I am a billing and accounting specialist, in case you haven’t figure that out. I send bills to customers and reconcile payment for a living.
I am writing this post prior to getting on my first flight from Salt Lake to Las Vegas. From Vegas, I’ll have a 4.5 hours layover before boarding another flight to Buffalo, New York. Of the airports I have been to so far, the Salt Lake airport has the best Wi-fi. So I’m taking the opportunity to type this on my laptop with a physical keyboard.
Anxiety-wise, I think now that I’m sitting in the airport, sipping on an iced chai latte, I am feeling a better, not near-hyperventilation like a few hours before. In fact, I had been near-hyperventilation for the last few days.
I was getting cold feet about trip. There’s so many worries. As much as I tried to relax and look forward to my long-awaiting trip, my anxiety, as always, was holding me back. Darn you, anxiety! Always causing misery. Why can’t you leave me alone?
So many things to do, my brain kept telling me. You can’t go. I barely slept the night before my flight. My brain kept me all night with about a million thoughts. Why didn’t you purchase carry-on luggage for the flight? There’s no way you will bill all these people before your flight. You can’t place your trust in those people to take care of your garden.
All night long. Just thought after thought. Ugh!
I spent Tuesday night on the flight to Buffalo, New York and will be there at 5 AM. Hopefully I will get a few hours of shut-eye during the flight.
Friday Thoughts
#WeekendCoffeeShare – September 2022 Garden Update and Anger Management
Good morning! Come on in from the heat and cool down with a drink.
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This is Another Story 