Tag: Life

Surviving in a Bad Neighborhood

Published on by Yinglan2 Comments

I cannot sleep. My entire right side is in a lot of pain. So here I am, sitting rigidly at my computer at 7 in the morning thinking about what kind of story I’ll share for today’s prompt.

Honestly, I have never heard of this famous song about New York but these lyrics sure take me back. During my first years in the U.S, I lived in a very bad neighborhood in the suburbs of Los Angeles. Of course, now this neighborhood is a little better. At least, that’s what I’ve been told. But still, I think if you can make it in this town, you can make it anywhere because anywhere will just seems heavenly. 

By now, you might have hear me talk about my middle school days as the happiest time of my life but those days were also filled with adventures and failures.

Like failure to catch the thieves that stole my pencils and erasers. Well, those are small things but what my wallet, stolen right out of my backpack on the school bus that afternoon. Or my keys, stolen from the depth of my backpack while I was walking home from school with my friend. No wait, that was one of those victorious times. Thank god my friend noticed it and saw who did it.

The moment I noticed my keys were missing and saw the bully dangled it not far ahead from me, I sprinted, faster and faster, like my life depended on it. Unfortunately she was quicker. I was never a fast runner.

So I ran to the next best thing, the vice-principal. I told him about my stolen keys and who had it. He didn’t even have to go back to the office to check for the bully’s address. He knew exactly where to go. I got in the back seat and he got in the front and we sped to the girl’s house like cops.

When we got there, the girl was actually standing outside dangling my keys as if she was waiting for us. The moment she saw the vice-principal get out of the car, her victorious grin faded.

“Hand over the keys, Daisy.” I heard him say and willingly, she surrendered the keys to the vice-principal.

That was easy, right? Unfortunately, like all stories, there’s a twist. The villain is never satisfy when they loses and when they’re unsatisfied, they seek vengeance .

Several weeks after the keys incident as well as the hair-touching incident (another time), both bullies sought revenge against me. My mother couldn’t come to pick me up from school one day and she didn’t want me walking home alone. So she told me to take the school bus.

I didn’t realize until I sat down that the two bullies were sitting behind me. I quickly wrapped my arms around my backpack and hugged it against my chest to prevent anymore thievery. Just before I got off, I made sure that every zipper was closed before I swung my backpack over my shoulder.

The next day at school, I searched my entire backpack for my library card. My wallet was missing and I knew exactly who had it. I went to vice-principal and reported my wallet went missing and told him my suspicion.

He brought the girl to his office and asked her but she denied. Case closed, just like that. On the way out, she smirked at me and to this day, I still think it was her who had stolen my wallet just like her best friend took my keys.

A Whole Lot of Apologies

Published on by Yinglan1 Comment

I feel like today’s prompt is very similar to one that I did a while back. But if inanimate objects have feelings and emotions, then I owe a lot of apologies. There are so many items that deserve my apology equally. So I’ll just bullet-list a few.

  • To my microwave for sometimes slamming the door and the food explosion. You’re simply too powerful.
  • To my mouse for getting mad at the computer’s functionality and taking it out on you. I know you’re not made of steel and I will be careful with you from now on.
  • To the recliner couch. Sorry for always putting weight on you.
  • To the TV remote for always dropping you on the floor. It’s lucky you’re still functioning.

Oh boy, that’ll be a big problem if everything has feelings and emotions. Luckily, in my mind, they already have feelings and this makes me to treat them as humanly as possible.

2 pieces of advice I would not wish upon anyone

Published on by Yinglan7 Comments

“Be aggressive,” and “Be flexible”. These are two pieces of advice given to me by my mother that I would not give to anyone else. I will explain why but first I want to explain why she gave me these advice.

Be more Flexible!

Whoa, I don’t think she meant that literally

My mother thinks I am stubborn and don’t know how to turn things around sometimes. So she often lectures me, telling me to be more flexible. But sometimes, I wonder if I am even the one who should be taking this advice.

Like yesterday, I went in my mother’s place to verify if our tenant really works at this place. I told her later that even the manager don’t know this person. She asked me something I can’t remember and I told her I was treating it like an investigation. She took it literally and gave me this big lecture about me don’t know how to ask smartly.

“No wonder they won’t tell you anything.” She said. She thought I told the manager I was investigating.

“I was treating it like an investigation.” I told her, annoyed. “I never said I told the manager I was investigating anyone.”

“Well next time, be more flexible when you speak.” And she walked away. It leaves me wonder whether my mother should be the one that needs to be more flexible.

Be more Aggressive!

Now, that’s overly aggressive.

As usual, my mother likes to take charge of my life and I somehow let her. Well, what can I do when I’m living with a fire-breathing dragon?

Anyway, about three years ago, I got my first interview for an internship, I was completely ecstatic. Of course, my mother wouldn’t let me drive myself to the interview and insisted to drive me there herself.

On the way, she talked and talked, blabbed on and on, coaching me on what to say. I didn’t bother to listen because honestly how do I even know what’s asked in a job interview. I was just thinking of going in and winging in.

So I decided to just looked out the window until she said, “Did you hear me?” and it snapped me back to reality.

“Yeah,” I said and shook my head.

“I said be aggressive.” I nodded. “You need to make the employer want you. Answer confidently.”

I did everything she asked and didn’t get the internship. I had a couple more interviews since then and still no luck. Two weeks ago, I had one again. This time, I chose to just be myself. My mother has to stop helping me. I need to get this internship and move out to purge her influence on me and my career. Unfortunately, no news yet. I’m hoping soon though, crossing my fingers.

Here is why I won’t give these advice to anyone:

  1. I don’t tell people things unless I am very confident. I think before I speak but sometimes it doesn’t turn out so well. Besides, it’s my mother’s advice, it can turn awry like everything in my life.
  2. Some people may already be flexible and giving them this piece of advice might make them become over-flexible which is bad sometimes.
  3. The same goes to aggressive. If you’re overly aggressive, you’ll get competitive and no one will like you or maybe it’ll even get you fired.

My advice to you: Be yourself! Because without other’s advice, it will change you into someone you’re not.

The Best of Times, The Worst of Times

Published on by Yinglan4 Comments

Today’s Daily Prompt gave a quote from Charles Dicken’s A Tale of Two Cites. A book that I haven’t yet read but this quote took me back to the day when I had to say good bye to my mother because she was leaving me again. This was back in early 2000 or 2001, I can’t remember but it was the best Chinese New Year I’ve ever had.

I was staying at my grandparents’ for my winter break when one night, my aunt suddenly called to say she’s taking me home. Normally, I’d be happy to go but Chinese New Year was coming and staying with my grandparents was an excellent chance for me to get some 红包 (lucky money) even if it’s just a couple bucks.

On the way back to my aunt’s apartment, I asked her why so sudden. She told me my mother was coming home. I was like ha, yeah right.

I went to bed that night smiling, laughing at the idea that my mother was coming. The next morning, I got a surprise. I was startled awake by none other than my mother. At first, I thought it was a dream but it wasn’t, she was really here.

During the first few days, she felt like a stranger because after all, I haven’t seen her in 2 or 3 years and skype didn’t exist then. But as the days went by, we grew close again. We did a lot of fun things and went to a lot of new places but before long, she had to leave again.

“I will be back for you.” She told me.

All the way to the airport, we talked and joked but when we got back in the car after dropping her at the airport, I was silent the whole way, just kept looking out the window, wanted to just say my proper goodbye to my mother. So even if we went to all these fun places and did all these fun things, when it comes to saying goodbye, it’s the worst of times.

Five things to realize a great friend

Published on by Yinglan5 Comments

I woke up an hour ago and looked at the prompt for today. My initial reaction was What the heck? and then my brain basically went blank. Should I even participate?

But then I thought about what if I was the one that got stuck on a desert island, I bet I will only get a big lecture from my mother, no doubt. But my former best friend? Probably a sarcastic don’t know don’t care and telling me to walk it off. So if the situation was reversed, would I do the same? Heck yeah. Why should I care when you didn’t?

Of course, I can’t imagine my mother ever get stranded. She’s had basic training and a bunch monthly drills with the army during the past 6 years. I’m pretty sure she’ll find a clever way to survive. My friend, on the other hand, might be in trouble. She maybe tough but she’s also someone who would shriek if her perfectly manicured nails were ruined. I can imagine her become one of those kids in Lord of the Flies. 😀

Let’s say before her unfortunate journey, I send her off with five things. These things are:

  1. A burner phone that has enough minutes to make one possibly two phone calls. Let’s say, hypothetically, the desert island has cell signal and she uses the phone to call me as most people do when they need help. I pick up and do that evil laugh. Now is my turn to say, “I don’t know what to do either.” Walk it off.
  2. It isn’t all that bad

    A 10-day supply of freeze-dried food. Yep, the kind that astronaut eats. It’s not too bad but 🙂 I can imagine my friend’s face. Oh, and it’s a 10-day supply if you eat according to the servings.

  3. A filter for clean water. I can’t be that evil, can I. I need to at least provide a way for some clean filtered water. Otherwise, my best friend will die before I can tell her of all the horrible humiliating things she’s done to me.

    A water filter
  4. Clean tropical clothes. At least she’ll have some spare clothes to change into.
  5. The photo of us snapped outside my apartment. Before we fell apart, my mother snapped a picture of us just outside the apartment. My friend framed it in a frame that said best friends forever and she gave it to a short time later. I will give her this photo to remind her of the time I’ve been loyal to her and the times when we were friends.

I can’t imagine what the conclusion of this will be. Once my friend gets rescued, there’s a chance she’ll hate me forever or she wants to be friends again. I guess we’ll never find out.

The Longest Streak in Blogging

Published on by Yinglan1 Comment

I started this blog on February 13, 2013 because I wanted to share some of my recipes. As you can see, this isn’t true. In that month, I only posted four times and they were all during my aunt’s visit. After she left, I stopped posting until September and that’s the longest time I went without posting.

The reason (excuse)?

School got in the way and I put my blog out of my mind.

At the end of September, 2013, I began posting again. I was enrolled in a single course at school and my misery at work was inspiring me. I didn’t post daily though. I only posted when I had something to say or when I was sitting in the classroom doing nothing.

I didn’t begin daily posting until the end of April when I finished my semester and graduated but it wasn’t really going well. I wasn’t really getting a lot of readership and I didn’t know why. And when one is not getting readership and attention, one will feel uninspired to go on.

But I was stubborn, determined to grow this blog of mine. I googled and read a variety of articles about how to get more readership but every one of those articles just said go to facebook and bug friends to read it.

Well, that’s the problem. I have no friends that really listens to me anywhere, facebook or google+ or any social network. I’m trying to readership outside of the social network.

I had no luck of finding readership until I read a post on tags. It was then I knew I was tagging my posts completely wrong. Let’s just say, I didn’t know better and was being “tag happy”. The next day, I reduced the tags to 10 and look, people began to visit my site. Now after 250 posts, I am beginning to get a modest, at least in my mind, readership.

No Leftover, Well Maybe

Published on by Yinglan5 Comments

So full! I’ve just came back from a morning of Black Friday shopping and cleaning and a traditional Thanksgiving meal. This year has to be the first time I managed to get something from the Black Friday sale. I got two pairs of boots for formal wear. Finally! Yay!

Anyway, we just got home from a fantastic meal at our neighbor’s and I am so very full right now which makes it a great time to write a post to burn off some of the calories. 🙂

So, leftover sandwich, that’s the name for the daily prompt today. Well, that’s just the thing, I don’t have leftovers. For me, it’s always delete or post. There are no drafts floating around my dashboard. But to be honest, in my opinion, none of my posts feels complete to me. So, in a way, all the posts are still sort of a draft to me.

For example, in yesterday’s post, a few hours after I published it while we were saying thanks as a family around the hotpot, I realized that I left a major paragraph in my post.

I was too busy thanking my aunt that I forgot to also thank my readers and loyal followers because without you, I would had quit a long time ago just like I quit everything else. Also I like to thank all the visitors around the globe because without you visiting this site, it would had died some times back. So thank you all.

And if there’s a picture I want to share but never got to, it would be this one…

peanuts-never-give-up-238x300

Thank you!

Published on by Yinglan1 Comment

Auntie Ying, after all this time, I realized I never thanked you for all the things you’ve done for me during the past two months. You lightened my load a lot to the point that I am able to concentrate on my studying and not worry about chores. Continue reading “Thank you!” →

The Toughest Decision of a Lifetime

Published on by Yinglan8 Comments

In July of 2007, I ultimately made the toughest decision I’ve ever made in my entire life (at least so far). I was literally involved in a game of tug-of-war between my parents. The decision: to stay with my step-father or to leave with my mother. Continue reading “The Toughest Decision of a Lifetime” →

A Mighty Risk Paid Off!

Published on by Yinglan1 Comment

As some of you know, I recently joined my university’s chapter of the Beta Alpha Psi, a professional club for Accounting and Finance major. I’d say that’s a pretty big risk for me, both socially and professionally. I joined the ASCE when I did my undergraduate and look where that landed me, still unemployed and living at home. Continue reading “A Mighty Risk Paid Off!” →

We are all storytellers

Published on by Yinglan4 Comments

Everyone, in my opinion, fits the category of storyteller. There are stories everywhere we go. Our lives are basically a giant story waiting to be told, by us.

What makes one an awesome storyteller? Personal experience and creativity, I think. That’s a perfect duo for storytelling. We all have many unforgettable experiences in our lives that’s waiting for us to sprinkle a bit of creativity and spin them into wonderful stories to be told at dinner or events.

Another thing is you don’t have to be good at writing to be a storyteller. You can tell the entire story by mouth. I know my mother does that. She has a lot of good stories, you just have to get her to remember it.

I think she is one of the most awesome storyteller I know. She tells all these attention-grasping stories about her adventures in life that I wish she would write it down and tell it to a wider audience.

So what makes an awesome storyteller? Life. The little chaos in life will tend to bring out the storyteller in us.

The Soundtrack to My Life: The Movie

Published on by Yinglan3 Comments

Everyday and Everything will be Black and White
Everyday and Everything will be Black and White

I often imagined that if my life was a movie, it’d be full of drama and the soundtrack would be some classical music track along with some fun mellow pop rock mix in there for the moments like when I’m having fun on the beach or when I’m walking down the steps to shake hands with the faculties while smiling at the camera because I finally graduated.

Then an orchestra would back me up when I’m angry and frustrated with a fire-heating ensemble. And when I’m sad, a violin would come in and play something that makes every note feels like a teardrop.

However, my life isn’t like that kind of a movie. I don’t have drama happening at every turn. As the matter of fact, my life feels more like a black and white silent movie. It would be about a clumsy girl stumbling through life. Everyday’s the same, wake up, go to school, come home, sleep, and do it all over again except maybe add in an occasional fight or two.

I think it might be a dramedy especially everything tend to move quicker and weirder in silent movies with the cocky piano music that makes the audience’s heads cock left and right. Now that’s a hilarious thing to watch. 😀

A Perfect Day Off

Published on by YinglanLeave a comment

I was woken by a nightmare this morning because I needed to get my mother’s car check up to see if any damage was done by the car accident I had last Thursday. I guess it’s just an after-affect. Still, the nightmare disrupted my almost-8 hours of sleep. Continue reading “A Perfect Day Off” →

Eccentrically Different

Published on by Yinglan5 Comments

It's almost as if I'm singled out
It’s like I’m singled out

Sometimes, I get very frustrated because no one seem to understand me just because I am slightly different than my family member. Would I call myself just a tiny bit eccentric? Okay, maybe a little but I don’t do strange things.  If I do, I do them because I was influenced by other people such as my mother, my mother’s friend, and my teachers.

A long time ago, in my elementary school days, I was taught to try new things and encourage others to try new things as well. That’s exactly what I did when my family came visit in 2012. I got them for the day when my mother had to go to work. I took them Downtown to the new mall and Temple Square.

I thought we would explore some sights together. Instead, the second we arrived at Temple Square from that short easy walk downhill from the Capitol, my aunt suddenly wanted to sit down and eat. Everyone else followed, leaving me just standing there. I wanted to scream, come on people. We still have all day and a lot of sights to see but I didn’t have it in me for some reason.

The moment everyone sat down, it was like the energy drained out of them, both the adults and the kids. I was the only one that had any energy. “What are you doing?” I asked as my aunt pulled out a big box of cherries from her bag.

“We’re tired and hungry.” She complained and then suddenly everyone else were too. It was like the entire family was controlled by this one single person.

I remember sitting there  for a long time, not wanting to eat myself, watching them scarf down cherry after cherry, cracker after cracker. Eventually, we proceeded across the street to the new mall and there, after one round (30 minutes tops), they went to the food court and eat again.

Anyway, another thing that sets me apart from this clone-like family is I am sentimental and don’t like to waste or throw anything away.

They are the exact opposite. I remember the first week after my cousin and aunt arrived, one night, I accidentally didn’t cook the drumstick all the way through. My cousin took one bite, made a disgusting look on his face, and said, “This is still raw.”

He walked around the counter to the trash can with the drumstick between his chopsticks. “What the hell are you doing?” I said.

“Throwing it in the trash.”

I quickly retrieved a bowl from the dishwasher and handed it to him. “That’s perfectly good. Just put it in here and microwave it.” How wasteful is that, right?

Another thing is I keep a lot of junk in my drawer, broken mouse, headphones, and mail that I no longer want. This is actually all thanks to whoever the high school English teachers was who taught me all about personification and as the result, I saw inanimate objects differently. Hmm, so I guess I am the eccentric one in the family after all or a slightly eccentric person in general.

The Fall When Everything Changed

Published on by Yinglan8 Comments

Sometimes, I wondered, if we stayed in California, would I be successful with going to college early? Would I still be friends with the people I’ve known since the 5th grade? Or would the result still be the same? Continue reading “The Fall When Everything Changed” →

A Golden Key

Published on by Yinglan8 Comments

I didn’t post yesterday and I am procrastinating on the one I am writing today. I don’t know why but with three exams this week and I haven’t really studied for any of them (I guess I just don’t feel like it), I am not really feeling inspired.

Besides if I was given a golden key, the place I want it to open isn’t really a place, it’s just a figment of my imagination. That place is my aunt’s brain.

20141117_083301 20141117_083331

My aunt has three stuffed tigers, a large one that’s currently occupying a seat on the reclining couch in the living room and two little ones that’s resting on her bed. She treats them like a real person which is creepy to some people. She doesn’t want anyone touching it and she’s always fears it might be cold so she’s always covering it with a blanket.

DSCN0018 1I remember the first time she came to visit us, she came out of the airport carrying a tiger backpack. At first I was like what???  I felt a bit weird walking the street with someone that’s eighteen years older than me, yet smaller than me and carrying such a childish backpack.

After she left, my mother called home to her sister and asked what was the deal with the tiger backpack. It turned out because her long-time boyfriend who passed away a few years back was born in the year of the tiger. So carrying that backpack was her way of being with him.

After that, I felt sad for my aunt but at the same time, a little creep out. I felt sad because the family was making fun of her when they should be supporting her. Some people just don’t know what’s like to lose someone they love. My aunt buying stuffed tigers is her way to cope.

So if there’s a key (figuratively speaking) that can unlock my aunt’s mind, I can enter that tall forbidden tower and help my aunt to possibly cope with the loss of her love.

A Glimpse into the Future

Published on by Yinglan3 Comments

unsplash-bonusOh my gosh, you’re kidding, right? There she was, standing by the door, checking her watch, impatiently waiting. That’s just so me, have all the patience in the world when it comes to puzzles but have zero patience when it comes to waiting for people.

I approached her. She looked me up and down with a raised eyebrow. “Is this a joke? You look exactly like me, well except for the long hair.”

I chuckled. “Well, these last 10 years has not exactly been easy for me, for you, for us, I mean.”

Her brows furrowed. “What do you mean? What happened?”

I went to the nearest table. “Let’s sit down.” She shrugged. The weather was gorgeous. Well, it’s Southern California, the weather’s gorgeous everyday. I sighed.

“I see my fashion taste hasn’t change.” She said. “Still so outdated.”

“Well, what do you expect when you barely have a job and still living with your mother?”

“I did go to college, right? Please tell me I did.” I nodded. She breathed, relieved. “Then what happened?”

“I couldn’t really find a job and mom seemed reluctant when I talked about moving out of state like she doesn’t want me to go. Plus I was working three or four jobs until recently.”

“Three or four jobs? Really? Wow, what were they?”

“Well, I was working in a private school teaching Chinese and Brazilian kids English. I didn’t like it though. No one listened to me, no matter how hard I tried.

The following year, when a family came to Utah from China to do business, they didn’t know English and needed someone to interpret for them. Of course, mom boasted to them about me and that got me two additional jobs. I was enrolled in only one class then but still it was tough running around. I quit all of those jobs eventually though and that left me with only one job, doing translation at home.” I smiled.

“Whew, that spells rough road ahead. Wait, you didn’t talk about Tiger, what happened to him?” I sighed and looked away. “Mom divorced him, didn’t she?”

“Yes, she did.” I sighed. “After we moved to Texas, things got really bad. Honestly, I can’t remember there been a day when they didn’t fight. That was a rough time for us. I constantly thought if they went on like this, one of them was going to kill the other and I do not want that to happen.”

“What happen after she divorced him?”

“Mom and I moved to Utah.”

“Your life sounds so bum. Is there anything for me to look forward to?”

“Of course. You get to attend three high schools in four years. You get to learn DSCF9542to play the piano and a little bit of the guitar. You’ll learn to sing and you will have friends not to mention you’ll have three maybe four graduations. Life is full of ups and downs. Look forward to the ups instead of the downs.” She nodded slightly.

I stood up and was about to walk away. “Oh, a little advice. Go to University of Utah. No matter what mom’s friend says, choose Accounting for your major and you must start practicing Chinese again. It’ll come in useful for that translation job.”

Daily Prompt – From You to You

The Gift of Life

Published on by Yinglan3 Comments

It’s been such a long time since I’ve gotten anything that classified as a present let alone a handmade present. Since we left Texas, we no longer celebrated holidays like Christmas or Thanksgiving or any holidays. Actually, those days are just regular days to us now, well, except for the fact that we don’t have to go to work or school, that we get to chill at home with a nice warm cup of cocoa. 😀

In my mother’s mind, she has already given me the greatest handmade gift of all, life and support. That’s what she often told me whenever I half joked half whined about not getting any present on Christmas or my birthday.

After that, she would go on and on about how she raised me for twenty some odd years, didn’t require me to work or move out, and that I should be thankful and not complain about the lack of gifts. I guess she’s right, the gift of life is the best handmade anyone can give.

First Snow

Published on by Yinglan12 Comments

Today is the first snow storm of the season. I am both excited and nervous because I might be driving through some dangerous roads today. I am so jealous of my aunt and cousin right now because due to the storm, they don’t need to go to school. Continue reading “First Snow” →

What am I, invisible?

Published on by Yinglan3 Comments

Sometimes, when I am driving my old car, I wonder, do I become invisible the moment I step into this car? Continue reading “What am I, invisible?” →

Polar Opposites

Published on by YinglanLeave a comment

Of the many years I’ve been on this earth, I’ve met a lot of people and frankly, I can’t remember them all and I surely do not know who is most unlike me. Everyone I’ve met is so different in their own unique way, almost in a way that I cannot compare them to each other. I mean, how can I?

One thing I do know, most of the people I’ve met aren’t like me. For one thing, they like to socialize. I like to be alone. Some of the people I’ve met like to study in quiet while I like to listen to music. Appropriate noises (anything beside airplane noises) keep me from going insane. I like to be clean and I like to clean but in my own time and not in the other person’s specified time.

If I just based on these qualities, the person who is most unlike me at the moment would be my mother. Just based on these qualities, we are as completely polar opposite as anything can be.

I mean she likes to be alone too but not unless she has to. I think if there’s a choice for her, she would rather be surrounded by people. She likes to study in an utter quiet environment, an environment that would had driven me to the edge of insanity. Have I mention she’s a clean freak? She’s constantly cleaning and doesn’t care if I’m busy or not, she will bug me with her cleaning.

I don’t know how we managed to survive living together for so many years. I guess by constantly fighting about little things but at the end of the day, whether or not we are completely opposite, we are still mother and daughter.

Life is too short…

Published on by Yinglan9 Comments

Life is too short to lead an unhealthy life. Yes, life will be short when you’re eating unhealthy food everyday as well as not going to exercise. I learned this the hard way when I moved to Texas. Continue reading “Life is too short…” →

“I’m Sorry…”

Published on by Yinglan2 Comments

Sometimes, I think back to that fateful afternoon more than two years ago when my mom, our international guest, and I came back from the biennial air show up at Hill Air Force. After we came home, I went upstairs to my computer and logged onto Facebook so, you know, I can tell everyone I’ve just came back from watching airplanes do stunts in the sky.

I never got to doing that. I don’t know why but instead, I went to my step-dad’s Facebook page. The moment I arrived, his wall was filled with “R.I.P”. I was like what the heck happened??? This cannot be true. Is this some kind of joke?

Unfortunately, it was not. I immediately went to Google and search. There was an obituary. “Oh god.” I covered my mouth. I guess I was trying to cry but no tears came out.

My mind was spinning with questions. How come no one told me about this? They knew my mother’s phone number, she hadn’t changed it since we moved to Utah.

I went back to his wall and wrote the message. “What happened???”

A day later, I received a message back from his friend, Mark, in California, someone my step-dad introduced me to not long after I came to the United States.

In the message, Mark told me that this must be shocking for me to hear because my step-dad and I were just beginning to reconcile. He knew that because my step-father told him in a phone call a few months before his death. He told me that if I wish to know what happened, reply back to him.

For a few months, I did not reply. A few days later, my mom and I switched phones because the balance on my phone needed to be used before it expired. I waited eagerly for someone, my step-aunt, step-grandparents, anyone from my step-father’s family to call or possibly leave a message saying, “I’m sorry. I should’ve told you months ago.” No one did whatsoever.

I think it was February of 2013 when I messaged him back, saying I would like to know what happened exactly. My hands shook as I typed those words.

It was a few days later when he replied. He told me his liver failed and his sister had been trying to reach out to everyone the weeks prior to his funeral but perhaps she lost my mom’s number. I thanked him in the reply message for telling me what I wanted to know.

Up until now, I often wondered that if I’ve stayed with him in 2007 instead of moving here with my mom, would this happen? If I’ve stayed with him, I would had kept him occupied, like all those years before when my mom was so busy working. I think if I did, he might had led a healthy life instead of drinking and smoking that led to his early grave.