Tag: Lookback

Proving my Generosity

Published on by Yinglan6 Comments

I thought about doing the daily prompt today. Then again, I’m only in my early 20’s. And because of the wonderful doctors who somewhat cured me of my genetic disorder, okay, not cured specifically, more like prolonged my livelihood past my 30’s. My point, it’s a little too soon for me to have a bucket list let alone an anti-bucket list, if I even decide to have one.

Anyway, I got into a small argument with my mother on Friday because my aunt was whining her clothes got ruined from painting the rental home. My mom said it’s because I wouldn’t spare some of my clothes. Well, I’m sorry but I never said to buy this house, my aunt did and I’ve got plenty of clothes ruined from painting houses. Does it mean now that she doesn’t get to sacrifice some of her clothes?

I lost my temper and screamed at my mom because she kept calling me selfish. What made me lose my temper wasn’t what she called me but how she said it, in that mocking tone, like a tease. I don’t like to be teased or mocked.

I kept telling her I don’t have any clothes to spare. It’s not because I’m sentimental and selfish either, it’s because I really don’t have any. Most of my clothes are brand-new, purchased in the recent months, less than a year old. Besides, most of my clothes are short-sleeved and twice as big as what my aunt owned and my aunt’s like a Quaker, I’ve never seen her in anything less than a long-sleeves turtleneck, long pants, and childishly colorful socks.

So my aunt wore one of her turtlenecks and jeans that day and she and my mom spent the whole day Friday painting the rental home while I spent the day running around town on my own. Her turtleneck and jeans were slightly ruined (splattered by paint) but she was reluctant to throw it away unlike my mother. So it’s currently soaking in a large bucket of water downstairs in the laundry room.

It was completely wrong of my mom to call me selfish. I am not a selfish person, if anything, I’m unselfish. If I’m selfish, I would’ve kept all my food to myself instead of sharing it with everyone else. I wouldn’t have allowed anyone else to watch TV or use my internet.

So I spent the entire day yesterday proving to everybody I’m not selfish. We went out for dim sum and morning tea for the first time in months and I paid for it with my own money. I even threw in a generous 20% tip because we occupied the table for so long.

Then when we went to the Chinese supermarket and bought enough grocery to hopefully last more than a week this time, I once again paid for it out of my own money. I felt kind of gut-wrenching when I swiped that card because I’ve never spent more than $100 a day except when I get my course material for school and tuition payment due date. But it proved my point. I am not a selfish person. End of discussion.

Sometimes, it’s best to hide

Published on by Yinglan9 Comments

Happy Friday!

Today is the first day of my winter break but I woke up this morning by this pain in my right arm. I hope the nerve in neck aren’t swollen again and is not now affecting my arm.

Anyway, I took a look at the prompt this morning, more question and answer. Will there be a prompt that actually inspires me to write a story? Of course, lying is not okay, it’s never okay! Otherwise, why would anyone teach us that? On the other hand, you can’t expect a person to tell the truth all the time either. The truth hurts sometimes, you know.

Sometimes, it’s better to just tell neither, to simply to just hide the truth.

I remember the start of junior year into my engineering program. My grades from the semester before were terrible. I couldn’t understand why except that numbers just aren’t on my side. The entire semester, I couldn’t find a single proper answer to a single problem. I followed the exact same procedure as taught by the instructor and still couldn’t get the right answer.

About two weeks after receiving my grades, I received an email from my adviser saying that I’ve been down-graded from major status to pre-engineering status. That was terrible news for me, for anyone, in this matter.

To be back at pre-engineering status meant I couldn’t be enrolled into the already registered classes. It meant the only class I could be enrolled was the one I’m retaking. Worst of all, it meant I only had one course.

Quickly, thoughts swirled in my head. How am I going to explain to mom when she sees the tuition bill and only sees one course register? What am I supposed to tell her? That my grades were so terrible that I’ve been kicked out of the program?

My head and chest pounded as I got up and paced back and forth in my room, trying to come up with a solution. Then I decided. I’m going to fix this myself and I’m going to tell mom nothing. She will know nothing of this. My adviser and I communicated back and forth through email.

For two days, my hands shook and I hardly had any appetite. I felt bad about hiding this from her. In my freshman year, I failed Chemistry. I hated this, I’ve never failed anything in my life. When mom discovered, she was angry but at the time, she didn’t have as bad of a temper as she has now. But she told me, “If you don’t tell me, I can’t help you.” So maybe she helped me then, she could help me now.

But another part of me thought otherwise. So I kept it from her. Two days later, a solution came, it was like god-sent. I discovered in my degree audit report that they never took the “E” I got from Chemistry away and thus lowering my GPA to below requirement. I emailed my adviser and told her what I’ve found and asked her to have that removed since I’ve already taken that class. I was back on track.

The lie in that little story was that I pretended to be fine when everything was fine. I should have told my mother the truth instead of hiding it from her. On the other hand, I wanted to prove to her that I can handle things on my own, that I don’t need her guidance on every misstep I happen upon this crazy journey call life. I guess I’ve proven that here.

Everything I want…

Published on by Yinglan3 Comments

You’re given unlimited funds to plan one day full of any and all luxuries you normally can’t afford. Tell us about your extravagant day with as much detail as possible.

Oh boy, will these funds just magically disappear the next day? Because I’m not a spend it all now kind of person. I would stash some of the unlimited funds for later. But with unlimited fund for a day, I can buy and get a lot of the things I’ve been wanting but unable to get.

  1. I can buy myself a brand new car instead of keep using my mother’s. Oh, it’s not just any new car, a new hybrid car. Gas is still expensive and I like one that can get me a better mileage but at the same time, I don’t want a car that’s light as air. So a $50,000 hybrid, it is. 🙂
  2. My mother’s dream vacation home by the lake. I’m such a people pleaser.
    Wouldn’t it be nice to sit with a coffee and stare at that view?

    A few months ago, after my mother’s fallout from acquiring the piece of land she wanted, she went online and began searching for houses by Utah Lake. Our jaws fell at each of them. I mean the backyard is a freakin’ beach. Unfortunately they also come with a ridiculous price tag. Worry not, mother, for today only, I have unlimited fund and I will make you the owner of one of those beautiful houses.

  3. Update the kitchens and bathrooms of all three houses as well as fix whatever needs to be fixed. I am so darn tired of hearing my mother complain whenever something breaks or doesn’t work right in one of the three houses especially the one I’m living in now. Also, everything in all three houses just feel so ugly and out-dated. So, new floors, new counter-tops, new tubs, toilets, sinks, everything.
  4. I go shop for a piece of land for myself. That’s where the stash comes in. I would wait and build myself a cozy little house.
  5. The final thing is always the small thing. I would:
    1. get myself a brand-new wardrobe. New clothes, shoes, everything
    2. buy a 60-inch TV for my mother
    3. pay-off my student loan debt
    4. get myself new tablet? Maybe one of those Surface Pros. Oh and a really nice camera so I can finally take beautiful scenic pictures.

There are so much I can do that after five things, I can’t think of anymore I want to do but these would be the first. But let’s be real, the only way this day would come, it would be in my dreams.

Have to go study. See ya!

Pain in the Neck

Published on by Yinglan4 Comments

Today’s prompt is very odd and specific, Today, write a post about the topic of your choice — using only one-syllable words.

I don’t know why but my aunt has been a pain in the neck of late. I find her now and then to speak her thoughts out loud. Like how she comes up the stairs and says, “I need to pee.”

I’m like, I don’t need to know that. Just go!

Then each day, at ’round 2, she will ask me, “What will we eat?”

I’ll be like, “We just ate lunch and you want to know the next meal?” At least let me get some work done first, then I’ll think ’bout food.

That’s the laugh! Shoulders go up and down

The thing that drives me nuts is the way she laughs. I don’t know how to tell you. If you look to your left, it says a lot. It’s quite weird and now and then, I get mad ’cause come on, I have a lot of work here and what you do does not help me.

The third and last thing is that she speaks so darn loud. When I sit next to herand she turns to me to talk, I feel like she talks through a bull-horn. Now and then, I’d tell her, “please bring your voice down.” Still, she keeps her voice loud as a mic. Ugh, I feel like I will go deaf if she goes on this loud.

I took my first final exam to-day and got 100%. Yay! One down, three to go. 🙂

Something I learned about blogging…

Published on by YinglanLeave a comment

Today’s prompt says, What’s the most important (or interesting, or unexpected) thing about blogging you know today that you didn’t know a month ago?

This last month, I hardly been following up with blogs. The most I did was writing. Sometimes, if I had time, I would read a few but I spent most of my time doing homework and preparing tests. I probably did a little more yesterday.

Let’s see, I thought it was time for a change so I changed the background to a lovely winter sunrise for this blog. On my other blog, Hidden Stars, I did a complete theme change since I needed some relaxation after the exam yesterday and could only sit rigidly anyway. Apparently the nerves in my shoulder and neck is swollen and that’s why it hurt so much.

I have my four finals this week and then I’d be free!

A quick note to readers that are are also following Hidden Stars, you might have noticed I haven’t been posting the serial fiction in about two weeks. I’ve been procrastinating. I’ll be posting after finals.

So you see, I hardly learned anything new about blogging in the past month. I think if you compared it with the beginning of the year, there might be more to write about.

As you’ve read in my post, Longest Streak in Blogging, this blog was started last February. I didn’t know how to tag my posts then. Let’s just say, at the beginning, I was under-tagging and then I was excessively tagging, and then six months ago, I was finally getting it (15 or less tags per post).

Something important I learned in the recent months, in order to get more eyeballs and likes on your blog, you need to:

  • Write based on a prompt
  • Have lots and lots of loyal followers, or
  • You .need to publish something that everybody wants to read

Let’s just say after I participated in daily prompt on this blog as well as various flash-fiction challenges on Hidden Stars, I’ve seen my viewership double, maybe triple or quadruple in the past few months even if the new follower per post has decreased.

The increase in viewership was what kept me going this past year. That’s the most important thing I learned, the support from readers will keep me from saying goodbye to this blog in 2014. Bring it on, 2015!

Gut Instinct

Published on by Yinglan3 Comments

My neck is feeling a bit better today, at least I can turn it left and right even if still hurts. Thanks to my mother for rubbing this Swiss ointment on me last night. It works better than Bengay and electromagnetic therapy!

Anyway, there are only two areas where I am confident about my gut feeling, cooking and driving. Because well, in cooking, most of the time, I don’t have recipe for me to follow. The amount of salt, sugar, and seasoning to put to marinade something, it’s all based on feel and instinct. 

And driving, well, I need my instinct to tell me sometimes when it’s safe to change lanes or when it’s safe to turn. Like yesterday, I couldn’t turn my head and I had to change lanes a couple times. I could only rely on my instincts that it was safe to make the maneuver and maybe getting a small painful peek into the passenger side mirror. But sometimes, even my instinct is wrong. Otherwise, I would not have that accident in 2010.

That’s why I don’t usually rely on my instinct because it’s wrong. Like when my instinct told me to skip the second class on that unfortunate snowy day despite the weather wasn’t that horrible outside, well, my instinct got me in a crash. How is that for making the right call?

Although it wasn’t my fault but the car is still slightly damaged and who knows what it’ll do to my mother’s insurance premium.

At the moment, I’m fighting with my instinct on something, health insurance. I’m shopping for health insurance right now and all these words, deductible, out of pocket, coinsurance, just sounds like gibberish to me. My gut is telling me the lower the deductible, the better but honestly, I don’t know whether to go high or get the minimum.

Any suggestions???

Surviving in a Bad Neighborhood

Published on by Yinglan2 Comments

I cannot sleep. My entire right side is in a lot of pain. So here I am, sitting rigidly at my computer at 7 in the morning thinking about what kind of story I’ll share for today’s prompt.

Honestly, I have never heard of this famous song about New York but these lyrics sure take me back. During my first years in the U.S, I lived in a very bad neighborhood in the suburbs of Los Angeles. Of course, now this neighborhood is a little better. At least, that’s what I’ve been told. But still, I think if you can make it in this town, you can make it anywhere because anywhere will just seems heavenly. 

By now, you might have hear me talk about my middle school days as the happiest time of my life but those days were also filled with adventures and failures.

Like failure to catch the thieves that stole my pencils and erasers. Well, those are small things but what my wallet, stolen right out of my backpack on the school bus that afternoon. Or my keys, stolen from the depth of my backpack while I was walking home from school with my friend. No wait, that was one of those victorious times. Thank god my friend noticed it and saw who did it.

The moment I noticed my keys were missing and saw the bully dangled it not far ahead from me, I sprinted, faster and faster, like my life depended on it. Unfortunately she was quicker. I was never a fast runner.

So I ran to the next best thing, the vice-principal. I told him about my stolen keys and who had it. He didn’t even have to go back to the office to check for the bully’s address. He knew exactly where to go. I got in the back seat and he got in the front and we sped to the girl’s house like cops.

When we got there, the girl was actually standing outside dangling my keys as if she was waiting for us. The moment she saw the vice-principal get out of the car, her victorious grin faded.

“Hand over the keys, Daisy.” I heard him say and willingly, she surrendered the keys to the vice-principal.

That was easy, right? Unfortunately, like all stories, there’s a twist. The villain is never satisfy when they loses and when they’re unsatisfied, they seek vengeance .

Several weeks after the keys incident as well as the hair-touching incident (another time), both bullies sought revenge against me. My mother couldn’t come to pick me up from school one day and she didn’t want me walking home alone. So she told me to take the school bus.

I didn’t realize until I sat down that the two bullies were sitting behind me. I quickly wrapped my arms around my backpack and hugged it against my chest to prevent anymore thievery. Just before I got off, I made sure that every zipper was closed before I swung my backpack over my shoulder.

The next day at school, I searched my entire backpack for my library card. My wallet was missing and I knew exactly who had it. I went to vice-principal and reported my wallet went missing and told him my suspicion.

He brought the girl to his office and asked her but she denied. Case closed, just like that. On the way out, she smirked at me and to this day, I still think it was her who had stolen my wallet just like her best friend took my keys.

2 pieces of advice I would not wish upon anyone

Published on by Yinglan7 Comments

“Be aggressive,” and “Be flexible”. These are two pieces of advice given to me by my mother that I would not give to anyone else. I will explain why but first I want to explain why she gave me these advice.

Be more Flexible!

Whoa, I don’t think she meant that literally

My mother thinks I am stubborn and don’t know how to turn things around sometimes. So she often lectures me, telling me to be more flexible. But sometimes, I wonder if I am even the one who should be taking this advice.

Like yesterday, I went in my mother’s place to verify if our tenant really works at this place. I told her later that even the manager don’t know this person. She asked me something I can’t remember and I told her I was treating it like an investigation. She took it literally and gave me this big lecture about me don’t know how to ask smartly.

“No wonder they won’t tell you anything.” She said. She thought I told the manager I was investigating.

“I was treating it like an investigation.” I told her, annoyed. “I never said I told the manager I was investigating anyone.”

“Well next time, be more flexible when you speak.” And she walked away. It leaves me wonder whether my mother should be the one that needs to be more flexible.

Be more Aggressive!

Now, that’s overly aggressive.

As usual, my mother likes to take charge of my life and I somehow let her. Well, what can I do when I’m living with a fire-breathing dragon?

Anyway, about three years ago, I got my first interview for an internship, I was completely ecstatic. Of course, my mother wouldn’t let me drive myself to the interview and insisted to drive me there herself.

On the way, she talked and talked, blabbed on and on, coaching me on what to say. I didn’t bother to listen because honestly how do I even know what’s asked in a job interview. I was just thinking of going in and winging in.

So I decided to just looked out the window until she said, “Did you hear me?” and it snapped me back to reality.

“Yeah,” I said and shook my head.

“I said be aggressive.” I nodded. “You need to make the employer want you. Answer confidently.”

I did everything she asked and didn’t get the internship. I had a couple more interviews since then and still no luck. Two weeks ago, I had one again. This time, I chose to just be myself. My mother has to stop helping me. I need to get this internship and move out to purge her influence on me and my career. Unfortunately, no news yet. I’m hoping soon though, crossing my fingers.

Here is why I won’t give these advice to anyone:

  1. I don’t tell people things unless I am very confident. I think before I speak but sometimes it doesn’t turn out so well. Besides, it’s my mother’s advice, it can turn awry like everything in my life.
  2. Some people may already be flexible and giving them this piece of advice might make them become over-flexible which is bad sometimes.
  3. The same goes to aggressive. If you’re overly aggressive, you’ll get competitive and no one will like you or maybe it’ll even get you fired.

My advice to you: Be yourself! Because without other’s advice, it will change you into someone you’re not.

The Best of Times, The Worst of Times

Published on by Yinglan4 Comments

Today’s Daily Prompt gave a quote from Charles Dicken’s A Tale of Two Cites. A book that I haven’t yet read but this quote took me back to the day when I had to say good bye to my mother because she was leaving me again. This was back in early 2000 or 2001, I can’t remember but it was the best Chinese New Year I’ve ever had.

I was staying at my grandparents’ for my winter break when one night, my aunt suddenly called to say she’s taking me home. Normally, I’d be happy to go but Chinese New Year was coming and staying with my grandparents was an excellent chance for me to get some 红包 (lucky money) even if it’s just a couple bucks.

On the way back to my aunt’s apartment, I asked her why so sudden. She told me my mother was coming home. I was like ha, yeah right.

I went to bed that night smiling, laughing at the idea that my mother was coming. The next morning, I got a surprise. I was startled awake by none other than my mother. At first, I thought it was a dream but it wasn’t, she was really here.

During the first few days, she felt like a stranger because after all, I haven’t seen her in 2 or 3 years and skype didn’t exist then. But as the days went by, we grew close again. We did a lot of fun things and went to a lot of new places but before long, she had to leave again.

“I will be back for you.” She told me.

All the way to the airport, we talked and joked but when we got back in the car after dropping her at the airport, I was silent the whole way, just kept looking out the window, wanted to just say my proper goodbye to my mother. So even if we went to all these fun places and did all these fun things, when it comes to saying goodbye, it’s the worst of times.

Five things to realize a great friend

Published on by Yinglan5 Comments

I woke up an hour ago and looked at the prompt for today. My initial reaction was What the heck? and then my brain basically went blank. Should I even participate?

But then I thought about what if I was the one that got stuck on a desert island, I bet I will only get a big lecture from my mother, no doubt. But my former best friend? Probably a sarcastic don’t know don’t care and telling me to walk it off. So if the situation was reversed, would I do the same? Heck yeah. Why should I care when you didn’t?

Of course, I can’t imagine my mother ever get stranded. She’s had basic training and a bunch monthly drills with the army during the past 6 years. I’m pretty sure she’ll find a clever way to survive. My friend, on the other hand, might be in trouble. She maybe tough but she’s also someone who would shriek if her perfectly manicured nails were ruined. I can imagine her become one of those kids in Lord of the Flies. 😀

Let’s say before her unfortunate journey, I send her off with five things. These things are:

  1. A burner phone that has enough minutes to make one possibly two phone calls. Let’s say, hypothetically, the desert island has cell signal and she uses the phone to call me as most people do when they need help. I pick up and do that evil laugh. Now is my turn to say, “I don’t know what to do either.” Walk it off.
  2. It isn’t all that bad

    A 10-day supply of freeze-dried food. Yep, the kind that astronaut eats. It’s not too bad but 🙂 I can imagine my friend’s face. Oh, and it’s a 10-day supply if you eat according to the servings.

  3. A filter for clean water. I can’t be that evil, can I. I need to at least provide a way for some clean filtered water. Otherwise, my best friend will die before I can tell her of all the horrible humiliating things she’s done to me.

    A water filter
  4. Clean tropical clothes. At least she’ll have some spare clothes to change into.
  5. The photo of us snapped outside my apartment. Before we fell apart, my mother snapped a picture of us just outside the apartment. My friend framed it in a frame that said best friends forever and she gave it to a short time later. I will give her this photo to remind her of the time I’ve been loyal to her and the times when we were friends.

I can’t imagine what the conclusion of this will be. Once my friend gets rescued, there’s a chance she’ll hate me forever or she wants to be friends again. I guess we’ll never find out.

The Longest Streak in Blogging

Published on by Yinglan1 Comment

I started this blog on February 13, 2013 because I wanted to share some of my recipes. As you can see, this isn’t true. In that month, I only posted four times and they were all during my aunt’s visit. After she left, I stopped posting until September and that’s the longest time I went without posting.

The reason (excuse)?

School got in the way and I put my blog out of my mind.

At the end of September, 2013, I began posting again. I was enrolled in a single course at school and my misery at work was inspiring me. I didn’t post daily though. I only posted when I had something to say or when I was sitting in the classroom doing nothing.

I didn’t begin daily posting until the end of April when I finished my semester and graduated but it wasn’t really going well. I wasn’t really getting a lot of readership and I didn’t know why. And when one is not getting readership and attention, one will feel uninspired to go on.

But I was stubborn, determined to grow this blog of mine. I googled and read a variety of articles about how to get more readership but every one of those articles just said go to facebook and bug friends to read it.

Well, that’s the problem. I have no friends that really listens to me anywhere, facebook or google+ or any social network. I’m trying to readership outside of the social network.

I had no luck of finding readership until I read a post on tags. It was then I knew I was tagging my posts completely wrong. Let’s just say, I didn’t know better and was being “tag happy”. The next day, I reduced the tags to 10 and look, people began to visit my site. Now after 250 posts, I am beginning to get a modest, at least in my mind, readership.

Eccentrically Different

Published on by Yinglan5 Comments

It's almost as if I'm singled out
It’s like I’m singled out

Sometimes, I get very frustrated because no one seem to understand me just because I am slightly different than my family member. Would I call myself just a tiny bit eccentric? Okay, maybe a little but I don’t do strange things.  If I do, I do them because I was influenced by other people such as my mother, my mother’s friend, and my teachers.

A long time ago, in my elementary school days, I was taught to try new things and encourage others to try new things as well. That’s exactly what I did when my family came visit in 2012. I got them for the day when my mother had to go to work. I took them Downtown to the new mall and Temple Square.

I thought we would explore some sights together. Instead, the second we arrived at Temple Square from that short easy walk downhill from the Capitol, my aunt suddenly wanted to sit down and eat. Everyone else followed, leaving me just standing there. I wanted to scream, come on people. We still have all day and a lot of sights to see but I didn’t have it in me for some reason.

The moment everyone sat down, it was like the energy drained out of them, both the adults and the kids. I was the only one that had any energy. “What are you doing?” I asked as my aunt pulled out a big box of cherries from her bag.

“We’re tired and hungry.” She complained and then suddenly everyone else were too. It was like the entire family was controlled by this one single person.

I remember sitting there  for a long time, not wanting to eat myself, watching them scarf down cherry after cherry, cracker after cracker. Eventually, we proceeded across the street to the new mall and there, after one round (30 minutes tops), they went to the food court and eat again.

Anyway, another thing that sets me apart from this clone-like family is I am sentimental and don’t like to waste or throw anything away.

They are the exact opposite. I remember the first week after my cousin and aunt arrived, one night, I accidentally didn’t cook the drumstick all the way through. My cousin took one bite, made a disgusting look on his face, and said, “This is still raw.”

He walked around the counter to the trash can with the drumstick between his chopsticks. “What the hell are you doing?” I said.

“Throwing it in the trash.”

I quickly retrieved a bowl from the dishwasher and handed it to him. “That’s perfectly good. Just put it in here and microwave it.” How wasteful is that, right?

Another thing is I keep a lot of junk in my drawer, broken mouse, headphones, and mail that I no longer want. This is actually all thanks to whoever the high school English teachers was who taught me all about personification and as the result, I saw inanimate objects differently. Hmm, so I guess I am the eccentric one in the family after all or a slightly eccentric person in general.

The Fall When Everything Changed

Published on by Yinglan8 Comments

Sometimes, I wondered, if we stayed in California, would I be successful with going to college early? Would I still be friends with the people I’ve known since the 5th grade? Or would the result still be the same? Continue reading “The Fall When Everything Changed” →

A Golden Key

Published on by Yinglan8 Comments

I didn’t post yesterday and I am procrastinating on the one I am writing today. I don’t know why but with three exams this week and I haven’t really studied for any of them (I guess I just don’t feel like it), I am not really feeling inspired.

Besides if I was given a golden key, the place I want it to open isn’t really a place, it’s just a figment of my imagination. That place is my aunt’s brain.

20141117_083301 20141117_083331

My aunt has three stuffed tigers, a large one that’s currently occupying a seat on the reclining couch in the living room and two little ones that’s resting on her bed. She treats them like a real person which is creepy to some people. She doesn’t want anyone touching it and she’s always fears it might be cold so she’s always covering it with a blanket.

DSCN0018 1I remember the first time she came to visit us, she came out of the airport carrying a tiger backpack. At first I was like what???  I felt a bit weird walking the street with someone that’s eighteen years older than me, yet smaller than me and carrying such a childish backpack.

After she left, my mother called home to her sister and asked what was the deal with the tiger backpack. It turned out because her long-time boyfriend who passed away a few years back was born in the year of the tiger. So carrying that backpack was her way of being with him.

After that, I felt sad for my aunt but at the same time, a little creep out. I felt sad because the family was making fun of her when they should be supporting her. Some people just don’t know what’s like to lose someone they love. My aunt buying stuffed tigers is her way to cope.

So if there’s a key (figuratively speaking) that can unlock my aunt’s mind, I can enter that tall forbidden tower and help my aunt to possibly cope with the loss of her love.

A Glimpse into the Future

Published on by Yinglan3 Comments

unsplash-bonusOh my gosh, you’re kidding, right? There she was, standing by the door, checking her watch, impatiently waiting. That’s just so me, have all the patience in the world when it comes to puzzles but have zero patience when it comes to waiting for people.

I approached her. She looked me up and down with a raised eyebrow. “Is this a joke? You look exactly like me, well except for the long hair.”

I chuckled. “Well, these last 10 years has not exactly been easy for me, for you, for us, I mean.”

Her brows furrowed. “What do you mean? What happened?”

I went to the nearest table. “Let’s sit down.” She shrugged. The weather was gorgeous. Well, it’s Southern California, the weather’s gorgeous everyday. I sighed.

“I see my fashion taste hasn’t change.” She said. “Still so outdated.”

“Well, what do you expect when you barely have a job and still living with your mother?”

“I did go to college, right? Please tell me I did.” I nodded. She breathed, relieved. “Then what happened?”

“I couldn’t really find a job and mom seemed reluctant when I talked about moving out of state like she doesn’t want me to go. Plus I was working three or four jobs until recently.”

“Three or four jobs? Really? Wow, what were they?”

“Well, I was working in a private school teaching Chinese and Brazilian kids English. I didn’t like it though. No one listened to me, no matter how hard I tried.

The following year, when a family came to Utah from China to do business, they didn’t know English and needed someone to interpret for them. Of course, mom boasted to them about me and that got me two additional jobs. I was enrolled in only one class then but still it was tough running around. I quit all of those jobs eventually though and that left me with only one job, doing translation at home.” I smiled.

“Whew, that spells rough road ahead. Wait, you didn’t talk about Tiger, what happened to him?” I sighed and looked away. “Mom divorced him, didn’t she?”

“Yes, she did.” I sighed. “After we moved to Texas, things got really bad. Honestly, I can’t remember there been a day when they didn’t fight. That was a rough time for us. I constantly thought if they went on like this, one of them was going to kill the other and I do not want that to happen.”

“What happen after she divorced him?”

“Mom and I moved to Utah.”

“Your life sounds so bum. Is there anything for me to look forward to?”

“Of course. You get to attend three high schools in four years. You get to learn DSCF9542to play the piano and a little bit of the guitar. You’ll learn to sing and you will have friends not to mention you’ll have three maybe four graduations. Life is full of ups and downs. Look forward to the ups instead of the downs.” She nodded slightly.

I stood up and was about to walk away. “Oh, a little advice. Go to University of Utah. No matter what mom’s friend says, choose Accounting for your major and you must start practicing Chinese again. It’ll come in useful for that translation job.”

Daily Prompt – From You to You

What am I, invisible?

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Sometimes, when I am driving my old car, I wonder, do I become invisible the moment I step into this car? Continue reading “What am I, invisible?” →

Life is too short…

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Life is too short to lead an unhealthy life. Yes, life will be short when you’re eating unhealthy food everyday as well as not going to exercise. I learned this the hard way when I moved to Texas. Continue reading “Life is too short…” →

“I’m Sorry…”

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Sometimes, I think back to that fateful afternoon more than two years ago when my mom, our international guest, and I came back from the biennial air show up at Hill Air Force. After we came home, I went upstairs to my computer and logged onto Facebook so, you know, I can tell everyone I’ve just came back from watching airplanes do stunts in the sky.

I never got to doing that. I don’t know why but instead, I went to my step-dad’s Facebook page. The moment I arrived, his wall was filled with “R.I.P”. I was like what the heck happened??? This cannot be true. Is this some kind of joke?

Unfortunately, it was not. I immediately went to Google and search. There was an obituary. “Oh god.” I covered my mouth. I guess I was trying to cry but no tears came out.

My mind was spinning with questions. How come no one told me about this? They knew my mother’s phone number, she hadn’t changed it since we moved to Utah.

I went back to his wall and wrote the message. “What happened???”

A day later, I received a message back from his friend, Mark, in California, someone my step-dad introduced me to not long after I came to the United States.

In the message, Mark told me that this must be shocking for me to hear because my step-dad and I were just beginning to reconcile. He knew that because my step-father told him in a phone call a few months before his death. He told me that if I wish to know what happened, reply back to him.

For a few months, I did not reply. A few days later, my mom and I switched phones because the balance on my phone needed to be used before it expired. I waited eagerly for someone, my step-aunt, step-grandparents, anyone from my step-father’s family to call or possibly leave a message saying, “I’m sorry. I should’ve told you months ago.” No one did whatsoever.

I think it was February of 2013 when I messaged him back, saying I would like to know what happened exactly. My hands shook as I typed those words.

It was a few days later when he replied. He told me his liver failed and his sister had been trying to reach out to everyone the weeks prior to his funeral but perhaps she lost my mom’s number. I thanked him in the reply message for telling me what I wanted to know.

Up until now, I often wondered that if I’ve stayed with him in 2007 instead of moving here with my mom, would this happen? If I’ve stayed with him, I would had kept him occupied, like all those years before when my mom was so busy working. I think if I did, he might had led a healthy life instead of drinking and smoking that led to his early grave.

Why couldn’t I just left it alone?

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If there is one thing I regret doing, it would be doing that surgery more than a year back and getting braces. Continue reading “Why couldn’t I just left it alone?” →

A Childhood Poem

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I remember there was a time when I can memorize just about anything. Some of you, like my mother would say, yeah, that’s call when you’re a child. Continue reading “A Childhood Poem” →

The Long and Bumpy Road

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Sometimes, I think back to three years ago, I was in the third year of my undergraduate degree, when my mother suggested that I switch major from engineering to accounting. I didn’t listen. I even argued that if I switched, I would have to start over. Except for the math courses, I would have to take the lower requirements courses all over again.

I went on to my degree until the end. Now, three years later, I am sitting in an intermediate accounting class, trying to understand something I have no knowledge of. Yes, I have an undergraduate degree but without passing the licensing exam, I cannot get a job. So I’m kind of back to square one and have to go back to school to learn about something else. Sometimes, I feel like if I did switch major  three years ago, I would have graduated this year or the next and I might even have a job instead of now, still in school, next to jobless, still living with mom. 

But I didn’t fail, I believe I have just hit one of the bumps on the road of success. The road of success may be long and bumpy but sooner or later, we will reach the end which at that time, we will tell our extra spicy success stories.

Memories of the 21st Century

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Dear Buyer of the 23rd Century,

Great, you found my 21st century hard drive! This little disk was extremely valuable to me back in the days. I even refused to get rid of it. I don’t know how my friend actually convinced me to get rid of it though. Anyway, on this little guy are precious memories like pictures and stories I never got to finish. Oh, and all everything I learned from college are on here.

You will find plenty of cloud drives on there. Yes, they were popular back then and you can often tell a person’s insecurity by just how many cloud drives they have on their computers. Obviously, I am very insecure about my files.

Let me tell you a story. I wasn’t always like that. I used to only have one cloud drive. That was before my cousins came to visit me in 2012. They didn’t bring a computer of their own and my mother insisted that they use mine and not hers. So I let them.

I didn’t monitor their usage and who knows what they had used it for because about a week after we got back from Los Angeles, a part of my computer suddenly died. I was nervous, anxious and my hands shook for days before I had to do a big cleanup, place everything on flash drives or my portable hard drive. Then I did a big reset, wipe the drive clean and start over.

The transferring of the files back on my computer was a pain. It took me days, weeks, and even months to get my computer the way it was again. Then, I decided, I am never saving anything on the hard drive ever again. Everything will be on a cloud drive so I can go online and retrieve my files anytime and not have to fear of losing anything ever again. Oh, did I mention my portable hard drive failed once and I had to replace it? Yeah, I lost plenty of things there.

Good Luck,

Yinglan

Second-hand Struggles

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There are no better stories than when someone tells about their struggles, at least that’s the best second-hand story I heard to-date. The best one I’ve heard so far was from my mother. During special dinners, she often tells snippet of her adventures in America. She still tells it but often, it remains vague and incomplete because conversations topics often get switch around and she never had a chance to tell the complete version of the story.

I’ve always wanted to know the complete story. How did my mom and step-dad meet? What made them want to get married? But I never bothered to ask for the full story because the story of her struggles often leaves me feeling guilty. So I guess I’ll have to live with only having the snippets.

Note: each paragraph is just another snippet I collected from dinner. No embellishment whatsoever.

I came to the United States with $1000 dollars in my pocket. After the tour, all I have left was $800 and I didn’t want to go home. So when everyone got on a plane that would take them from Los Angeles to China, I stayed at the airport. 

I didn’t know English. I couldn’t even understand when the operator on the pay-phone told me to dial one first before dialing number with different area code until a stranger explained to me. 

Within a few months, I passed my TOEFL and changed my travel visa to a student visa. My money supply was dwindling. I had to go get a job even though it wasn’t legal. 

I got a job as a live-in housekeeper for a single mom with two kids. She treated me awfully and so did her boys. Her boys often get in trouble school and she ended up to have to fix those problems. After a few months, I quit. 

At school, I met a nice lady and she told me her husband’s bakery was hiring. I got the job. It was far and I had to take an hour bus to get there. It was the best job so far. He often gave me left-over to take home. After a few months, he had to let me go because he could no longer afford a hand. 

I met Jim in my darkest time. I was working in a restaurant and going to school full-time. I met him in an elevator. He gave me his sandwich when I forgot dinner. He provided me with transportation when I needed.