Tag: Frustration

A Crazy Night

Published on by Yinglan8 Comments

I remember there was this one night, I was watching television when all of a sudden, everything went ridiculous dark. The power’s gone out. I jumped, not out of fear but because it happened suddenly. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest because first of all, I couldn’t see anything and there were stairs very nearby.

“What’s going on?” A voice from upstairs asked.

“Power’s out.” I was like duh. Did she think I turn off everything? For some reason, my mom rather sit in the dark to browse the internet than turn on the bedroom light.

Talk about messy. You can't find anything in there!
There’s the flashlight.

I slowly made my way up the three steps from the living room to the kitchen-dining combination to search for the flashlight in the dark in our oh so messy drawer. I feel around the drawer and couldn’t find the flashlight. I began to panic and perhaps a teeny tiny bit of tears did squeeze from my eyes. A million thoughts ran through my mind at the same time.

Where’s the damn flashlight? Why can’t we be more prepared in these situations? Why can’t she just invest some money in some flashlights? We don’t use it often doesn’t mean we won’t need it.

“Did you find the flashlight?”

“NO!” I said, frustrated.

She clicked her tongue and came down the stairs. She pushed me aside and went on a rampage in the drawers to search for the flashlight. At last, after making a large mess, she found the flashlight. By then about 10 minutes has passed. “Is it just us?” She asked and shined her way to the basement to check the fuses while I went to the living room window.

The street outside was crazy dark and none of the houses had any lights. “It’s everyone.” I replied.

“Call the power company.”

I made my way up the stairs to my room and search for my cell which was easy guided by the bright light coming from the computer screen. I dialed the number to the power company but it informed me that the power can be out from an hour to 8 hours which is very bad for three reasons:

  1. The night is warm and I cannot sleep without a fan
  2. A refrigerator full of food and milk that can go bad
  3. No light and hot water to shower

Just as I began to panic some more, I heard a beep and something lit up downstairs. The power had been restored and now I need to reset everything. Great, Excellent, Perfect. 

Tipped and Unbalanced

Published on by Yinglan1 Comment

It feels so great to be back. I’ve missing from the world of blogging for the past couple of days because I was on a deadline but all this is passed. I’ve finished my homework and now just have study for an exam which is in two days.

Anyway, yesterday early morning, after just barely 6 hours of sleep, I saw the daily prompt. I was going to write it but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was like, eh, I’ll just do it later and I never did. The reasons for that are I am tired and my brain was foggy and the other reason, I don’t believe and know anything about astrological signs. Research wasn’t my strong suit so I decided to abandon the blog for one more day.

Today though, I found the prompt finally to be interesting, it said, “Yesterday you invented a new astrological sign. Today, write your own horoscope — for the past month (in other words, as if you’d written it October 1st).”

I am not going to try and invent a new astrological sign. So I’ll use my own. I am a libra and the symbol for that is the scale. It’s supposed to remain balance but this month, if anything, it feels like it’s tipped.

 

Okay, now, I’m curious. I am opening up another tab to check this out. Wow, it’s strangely and insanely accurate. How did they do that? So why do I need to write my own? Oh well, whatever, here goes:

October will be a challenging month. There will be communication chaos and this will cause frustration to relationships. You want to get your thoughts out, but it’s possible the other person will not be receptive to them, or they won’t understand what you’re trying to convey. You may have to just let this one go.

October has been a roller-coaster month full of family drama, exams, and homework. I am really looking forward to the end of this month and on to the next. It can only get better and I know it.

I just want this to end!!!

Published on by Yinglan7 Comments

Today’s Daily Prompt States: “We all seem to insist on how busy, busy, busy we constantly are. Let’s put things in perspective: tell us about the craziest, busiest, most hectic day you’ve had in the past decade.” Continue reading “I just want this to end!!!” →

Unequal Opportunity Employer

Published on by Yinglan2 Comments

Today’s Daily Prompt says: “Did you know today is Blog Action Day? Join bloggers from around the world and write a post about what inequality means to you. Have you ever encountered it in your daily life?”

No, I did not know today is Blog Action Day. Inequality is an important issue for me. I used to often complain about it because I often feel like I am being treated fairly because of my size and other things that may be wrong with me. In short, inequality, to me, is not being treated on the same level or fairly just because there is an uncontrollable defect like height or genetic disorder.

Just because a person is short, fat, have small hands or whatever defect, it doesn’t mean that person cannot do the same job like all the others. I’ve encountered plenty of those situations in my daily life from job interviews to work.

You know that small print on the job application form that says something like everyone’s equal or we’re an equal opportunity employer? For me and maybe some people, that seems like it’s only true before the interview process. Before the employer gets a look at you to see whether you’ll be fit for the position.

The reason I’m still in school now is that I couldn’t get a job after graduating from my undergraduate degree and the reason for that is I couldn’t get an internship. Most employers look for recent graduates with internship experience. During my Sophomore, Junior, and Senior years in college, I applied for a dozen internship. Whenever I saw a bulletin for hiring interns, I jumped at it.

I even got interviewed a few times but no luck, no one hired me. Each interview lasted about 15 minutes with the employer asking me a bunch of questions and I answered them to the best of my ability. Then they’d tell me they’d contact me in a week or so, never did and then two months later, I’d get an email saying although my qualifications are impressive, they had already hired someone else. 

I often wondered if they were actually thinking about hiring me after get a peek at what I look like. I wonder, if during the interview, questions would pop into their minds about whether I am capable of doing the job, whether I’d able to lift a specific number of weight. Of course! What kind of employer who doesn’t ask this kind of questions? And I know the answer, they don’t think I can do it because of my size. How is that fair that I am not given a chance even if I was given a chance to be interviewed? Unfortunately, that’s life and it’s not fair.

Dissatisfaction of a service

Published on by Yinglan2 Comments

I am very angry and upset at the moment and I feel like I need to let off some steam. Continue reading “Dissatisfaction of a service” →

Dear Cousin…

Published on by Yinglan4 Comments

It has been almost a month since you’ve been in the U.S. Therefore, I thought I would spend 10 minutes to tell you how I am enjoying your visit so far. Continue reading “Dear Cousin…” →

A Family of Snobs

Published on by Yinglan1 Comment

I don’t know if I wrote this before but I am a highly doubtful person. I don’t know when I became that person but I am very doubtful. I have trouble trusting my gut instinct on everything. Therefore I cannot claim to be an expert in any sort of subject or fields. Continue reading “A Family of Snobs” →

Exam Day

Published on by Yinglan10 Comments

I am a mess at the moment. In fact, I feel like I am about to blow. With the endless pile of homework and exams, I don’t have a spare moment to relax. Continue reading “Exam Day” →

An Open Letter to…

Published on by Yinglan4 Comments

See, I told you I’d post something else today. Continue reading “An Open Letter to…” →

Headache and Heartache

Published on by Yinglan1 Comment

I have a very awful headache right now. I think I need to lie down. Yeah yeah, I know what some of you’re going to say, I’m young and I shouldn’t get headaches. Well, I’m here to tell you the headache have something to do with my impending doom. Continue reading “Headache and Heartache” →

A Break from Criticism

Published on by Yinglan14 Comments

One of the great things I’ve found out about having my aunt and cousin here is that they can take some of the pressure off of my shoulder. Continue reading “A Break from Criticism” →

TGIF: I am achy and exhausted!

Published on by Yinglan6 Comments

I think if you look at me now, I would probably look like the picture on the left. Not to complain but my back aches, so do my knees, legs, and heels. My arms don’t hurt but my fingers were full of pain about two hours ago. Now, I just have the usual wrist pain in my right wrist, probably from what people call the “mouse hand”. Continue reading “TGIF: I am achy and exhausted!” →

The Good, The Bad, and the Oddest

Published on by Yinglan2 Comments

So I’ve had a wonderfully odd day that was full of good and bad, how ’bout you? Continue reading “The Good, The Bad, and the Oddest” →

Too much socializing for this great night

Published on by Yinglan2 Comments

I did so much socializing tonight that my throat feels bone dry right now. I just drank a bottle of water (0.5 L) and my throat still feels strained. Before you ask, no I wasn’t at a party. I was at an event at school. It’s call “Meet the Firms” and it’s held every year, the second Wednesday of September. Basically, all the companies around the area come to one place and as Accounting students, it’s our jobs to go meet them and try to secure an interview for an internship or a full-time position.

It turned out every firm is hiring interns. All the firms I met tonight ask me which way I’m leaning, auditing or tax. I answered them, no preference. I am still exploring. Was that a risky answer? I have no idea. All I knew was my heart was pounding every time I approach a representative. I don’t know why. I guess I just want to say the wrong thing and then end up on their “do not hire” list if they had one which I’m pretty sure they do. 🙂

Anyway, I arrived there at a little after 5:30 pm and walked in. From the get-go, I had no clue what to do, where to start, and where’s the club. Everyone looked the same. I couldn’t tell who from who. Everyone except me wore suits. Guys, white shirt, black jacket and pants, and slick shoes while ladies, white shirt, skirt, jacket, and heels or dress shoes. Me, slacks, my most formal shirt, and tennis shoes. I guess that made me stand out just a little.

My face immediately turned red while making a round around to see what kind of firms are here. There was a lot and by a lot, I mean, much more than the turn out for the engineering career fair earlier this year.

After a few minutes, I gathered my courage and approached a company. I introduced myself, told the representative my name. He asked me where I am currently in the program and I recited my 30-seconds elevator pitch as I’ve practiced earlier today during the general career fair held at the school.

“I am currently leveling to get into the Masters program.” I said.

Immediately, he knew I didn’t do my undergrad in Accounting. “What was your major for you undergraduate?” He asked.

“Civil Engineering,” I said and immediately, I could tell he was surprised just like all the other company representatives I visited. They all asked me why I decided to do accounting. I told some of them I wanted to try new things but I also told most of them all the females in my mom’s family were accountant and I decided to follow family tradition which it’s partially true.

It did the trick for some of them, I struck a conversation while some of them just told me to go online to their websites to check out the internships. Was that a hint that I am not getting hired? Anyway, after talking to that first company, I finally found the club and I was supposed to report for volunteering duty for the next 30 minutes. They asked me to sit down and do check-in duty. It was a piece of cake since I worked as a secretary and a receptionist. After a while, I even struck a conversation with the girl sitting next to me. She was also on volunteer duty.

The 30 minutes went by just like that but now I have finally mustered the courage to go speak to the companies. Conversing with that girl helped me warm up, now I knew exactly what to say. I have made it through half of the companies by the time I checked the time on my cell. An hour had gone by. Whoa, and I thought I would rush through this and go home. Guess not.

Another 20 minutes had gone by by the time I finished talking to the other half of the companies. I’ve collected so much souvenirs, brochures, and business cards from the companies that I had to find an empty spot to organize them and put all of them in my purse. My three copies of resumes were gone, I’ve handed them out to the only companies that requested it. In the end, I got a water bottle, a dozen business cards and brochures, pens, and chocolate. I was done. I drove home and now I am going to enjoy the remainder of my lunar B-day.

Good Night!

Late Night Thoughts

Published on by Yinglan2 Comments

I am a bit scared right now. Outside my bedroom window parked three cop cars. The last time there were this many cop cars outside my home was a few years ago when mom and I had just moved into our current home. Our neighbor had called the cops one night after they heard shots fired.

It turned out it was a group of idiots in the next street playing a game of paintball with BB guns and plastic bullet. Then when the plastic bullets ricocheted off of the garbage cans, it made this loud bang. It scared me to death when I went to take out the garbage. Anyway several police cars came that night and I never again heard another loud bang in the neighborhood again.

The only other time I’ve seen a police car outside my home was when a cop pulled someone over for speeding. That is until tonight. I could’ve sworn those police cars weren’t there when I watched the carpet installer left a hour ago. When did they get here? Why are they here?

I cringe at the sight of cop cars. I don’t like police but then who does? The last time I had a run-in with a police-officer, I got a citation for not yielding cars going straight. It wasn’t my fault, I tell ya but the cop rather believe the big-breasted lady with sad puppy dog eyes and totaled car. Also, at the sight of police, I feel like I’ve done something wrong even though I didn’t.

When I noticed the cars 30 minutes ago, creepy and horrible thoughts began to take over my mind. What if they are monitoring my activities? Or could the cops be friends with my next door neighbor and he’s just over there visiting or staying the night? Or what if one of my neighbors had done something wrong? My teeth are clattering here.

Stop it! Geez, it’s not like they are flashing lights or screaming over the bullhorn to tell me to come out and surrender. Relax. They are just parked there, occupying a quarter of the curb to my driveway, but they are just there. Oh, please tell me that’s it. That’s what all it is. It’s been a long, confusing, and horrible day and I don’t want to deal with anything else.

Good night and be back tomorrow morning. 🙂

Locked and Sealed or So I thought

Published on by Yinglan1 Comment

Once in a while, we all spill a few secrets, unintentionally of course, but we can’t help it. Conversations just starts and sometimes it just comes naturally. Some might think that this is just an act of nosiness. I don’t agree. In fact, I think this is an act of nosiness.

I remember earlier this year, at Chinese New Year, when mom’s friend invited me out to dinner, I ranted to her in confidence about my fight with grandparents two nights before. At least or so I thought.

Exactly a week later, when mom came back from her temporary duty in D.C. and asked her friend out to morning tea, that friend, the one I ranted to, retold the entire thing to mom. I just sat there, my face reddened and jaw dropped a little while my heart felt like it was going to pop out any minute. I was afraid to see mom’s reaction.

Fortunately, she decided to not embarrass me right there in the restaurant. She didn’t say anything. Mostly, it’s because she knew the whole thing already. I told her right after that phone call. Still though, I ranted to her friend in confidence and her friend had just spilled it out. It was like it was in the conversation either. We just walked in, sat down, and that’s the first thing she said.

After tea, mom and I got into the car. That was when she gave me the look of disapproval. “Why did you have to tell her that?” She asked me.

Yeah, why did I tell her friend the fight between me and my grandparents? Well first thing’s first, I did not expect her to blab to mom about it. I expected her to just keep it to herself. Also, mom wasn’t around, so I had to complain to someone about my failed relationship with my grandparents.

“I didn’t really tell her.” I lied.

“Really, then how did she know so much?” I shrugged. “Well, in the future, don’t tell her anything. You know she’s nosy. That’s why I don’t tell her anything about my work.”

That’s how that risky conversation ended and from then on, I just kept my mouth shut whenever I’m around that friend.

Lessons learned:

  1. Never complain to nosy friend. They’ll just re-tell it to someone else whenever they get a chance.
  2. Lying sometimes can help avoid an argument.

Have a great day! 🙂

Sharing the Saddness

Published on by Yinglan5 Comments

82336-oI can choose to listen to happy songs but I cannot choose a happy movie, or show, or book. Every movie, show, and book have its tear-jerking moment. It’s simply unavoidable. Those moments make me cry like a puppy.

Mom and aunts used to say I’m low on my emotions quotient (EQ) because I did not react to things as well as they expect me to. Well, how did you expect me to react when I am constantly being threatened with a feather duster? The first time, sure I react with a little tears because I was a child but enough time, I grow as hard as a shell.

When I told mom I cried like a baby when I was reading the book If I Stay, she scoffed and said, “What’s there to cry about? People live and they die.” Then she went into this big lecture about god-knows-what. I stopped listening. The same thing happened when I told what a good book it was when I read Everything we ever wanted.

To be honest, I rarely seen mom cry. I only seen her fake cry when she stubs her toe. It’s sort of like a laugh cry, no tears and her lower lip sticks out like a sad puppy. Her exterior shell must be tougher than a turtle and to mask her sadness, she chooses anger and frustration. Now, that’s sad.

I think crying is natural, it expresses our feelings and sometimes, you just can’t help feeling the sadness as one of the characters in the book, movie, or show. I remember when I read The Faults in our Stars, when one of the characters (I won’t spoil anything) died and the main character was completely sadden by the loss of her love, I could instantly feel tears creeping into my eyes and flowing steadily down my cheeks. I had to wipe it before mom came in and gave me another one of her lectures about how crying about a book is silly.

Look who’s got low emotions quotient now. Seriously, I think there’s something wrong with mom’s emotion, she is incapable of showing sadness. I didn’t even see her cry when one of our family members died in the past five years. She just sighed and said, “Well, that’s life. What can you do?” At least show a little tear and respect.

Remnants of the Past

Published on by Yinglan1 Comment

Sort of like her, except more dramatic

I was incredibly annoyed and frustrated yesterday and last night. I think the only thing I actually enjoyed yesterday was the Beta Alpha Psi meeting and the lunch gathering afterwards. By the way, I’m in. 🙂 I will be an official associate member of the club after I paid my dues. I was going to try for member but the Membership VP of the chapter said in the presentation that it’s better to make my way up from an associate member. It’s not too bad. All I need is to attend five weeks of meetings and lunches plus help out another 10 hours like helping to set up for an events.

Anyway, ah yes, annoyed and frustrated. So I began working on this month’s translation yesterday afternoon. I did not tell mom any of this but I think she will find out sooner or later. I wanted to do this month’s translation in secret so I wouldn’t be rushed. I want to do it at my pace, see?

So mom came home, whined a little about why the plumber wasn’t here to fix the water heater. It shut off automatically the night before, making my shower icy cold. Thank god, at least it’s still summer. Anyway, after her whining, I went back to my “secret” work 😉 and she began doing her homework. She just had to take her laptop downstairs, I don’t know why. 5 minutes later, she whines, “How do you do homework on this thing?”

“You just follow the instruction on the screen.” I said, tired. She’s been like this all weekend. First with excel, now with Connect, an online software we use to access our homework. On Monday, I was so busy trudging between my room and downstairs that I barely got anything done. “I have my own homework too.” I told her.

But she retorted, “If I knew how to use excel, would I ask you?” She has a point but what about the past five years when I needed homework and all I got was a big lecture about never ever go to the library.  The past two days were the same, I told her, just google it. But no. That’s why I need to join this club, to get out especially when my family doubles. I don’t want to feel annoyed and frustrated as well as I don’t want to caught in the crossfire of their fighting.

Sorry I went through all this just to finally address the daily prompt, for those who got here through the pingback. I just really need to get things off my chest and I only have time for two posts today. I’m using my other post for a story on my other blog.

Okay, enough of my rambling, today’s daily prompt read:

500 years from now, an archaeologist accidentally stumbles on the ruins of your home, long buried underground. What will she learn about early-21st-century humans by going through (what remains of) your stuff?

The archaeologist would find evidence of a structurally sound house that was built in the late 20th century as well as the 21st century (partial new basement). If she dug in the backyard, she might find remnants of a variety of toys, plastic utensils, and evidence that there once was an apple tree and two Asian pear trees. Finally, she would learn that some people in the 21st century did not live with completely state-of-the-art, up-to-date technology like smartphone or ipad or iphone, etc., that some people in the 21st century are actually quite simple.

Shutting Down

Published on by Yinglan3 Comments

This morning, I woke up, un-energized. My body ached while my brain felt like it’s gone into shut-down mode. I cannot think of one thing to write. I looked at the Daily Prompt and cannot think of one situation to relate. Continue reading “Shutting Down” →

Don’t Poison Me!!!

Published on by Yinglan3 Comments

Last week, in a test to see if I can manage to cook for my aunt and cousin when they get here, mom made me cook chicken wings. Not just any chicken wings but chicken wings with a Chinese Pickle Marinade which it’s delicious. I don’t know how my mom usually cook it because I’ve never made an effort to watch. But I’ve cooked it several times while she was out of town so I have my own way of making this dish.

When mom came home that day, I told her proudly that we’re having marinaded chicken wings for dinner. Her initial reaction was I had wings for lunch.

Then she went to the stove, lifted the lid to see the chicken.  “That is a big pot of chicken wings. Why didn’t you make another bag?” I scratched my head and went like, you just said it’s a big pot.

She asked me how I made it. I told her I dumped a whole bottle of the marinade plus half a bottle of water. She winced. “Water? You are not supposed to put water in there! Now there won’t be any taste!”

Is this what I get after two hours of cooking? This was how I usually make it and it’s never turned out wrong. A part of me suddenly feel like maybe it’ll turn out bland and tasteless. Perhaps I failed this time.

At dinnertime, mom poured all the marinade down the drain and placed the wings in a bowl. “Don’t poison me.” She said before tasting the wing. She was afraid of a lot of things like the cleanliness when I cooked it like whether or not I washed my hands. I’m not a slop, mom, I tried to tell her. She took a bite, “mmm, not bad.”

I took a bite too and it surprised me that I didn’t fail. It was very good. She later told me that she just thought it’s a little weird to put water in with the marinade. I told her, “How else am I supposed to marinade the wings if it only barely touches the marinade?”

It also turns out my mom’s iffy about everything as if she’s only one that can do everything perfectly. Well, now, she can’t complain because she’s going to school every night until 8 and when she comes home, she wants dinner. So she has no choice but to have me prepare for her. When you’re hungry, you’ll eat what people serve you.

If I have a robot…

Published on by Yinglan1 Comment

My mom has a tendency to find fault in anything and everything. This is not working right, that is not working right. She also like to exaggerate everything. The water’s leaking, it’s going to flood the basement! Continue reading “If I have a robot…” →

Changes are coming which means challenges challenges challenges!!!

Published on by YinglanLeave a comment

In two days, I am back in school and I can’t help but feel like changes is coming my way. First of all, I am back in school, five days a week, each day about 3 hours (that’s not so bad 🙂 ). Continue reading “Changes are coming which means challenges challenges challenges!!!” →

Can’t stop humming!

Published on by Yinglan1 Comment

The latest song I heard was on the radio a few days ago. Now, I cannot get it out of my head. I keep humming the beginning of the song but when I get to the chorus, I couldn’t continue. It’s always the beginning.

The song is:

That opening line, we’re a thousand miles from comfort, we have traveled land and sea, just spoke to me in a way. First of all, in the most recent weeks, the planes (F-16) have been flying more frequent and it picks the perfect time to fly over my home, right when I am watching something or trying to write. So you can say I am a thousand miles from comfort because I haven’t been comfortable at home this whole summer. Nor was I comfortable at school because 20 miles away, those same planes are still flying above me. No matter where I go, that buzzing sound will follow just to annoy the crap out of me.

That second part, we have traveled land and sea, well, I guess you can describe the planes since the Great Salt Lake is large enough to call “sea”. They fly all over the land and the sea. On the other hand, it can also describe my willingness to find comfort because at this point, I do not care what I try or do, I just want these planes to stop rumbling in my ears.

I guess this post sort of turned into yet another one of my little rants. Well, I need to complain once in a while. 🙂