Tag: Happiness

The Soundtrack to My Life: The Movie

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Everyday and Everything will be Black and White
Everyday and Everything will be Black and White

I often imagined that if my life was a movie, it’d be full of drama and the soundtrack would be some classical music track along with some fun mellow pop rock mix in there for the moments like when I’m having fun on the beach or when I’m walking down the steps to shake hands with the faculties while smiling at the camera because I finally graduated.

Then an orchestra would back me up when I’m angry and frustrated with a fire-heating ensemble. And when I’m sad, a violin would come in and play something that makes every note feels like a teardrop.

However, my life isn’t like that kind of a movie. I don’t have drama happening at every turn. As the matter of fact, my life feels more like a black and white silent movie. It would be about a clumsy girl stumbling through life. Everyday’s the same, wake up, go to school, come home, sleep, and do it all over again except maybe add in an occasional fight or two.

I think it might be a dramedy especially everything tend to move quicker and weirder in silent movies with the cocky piano music that makes the audience’s heads cock left and right. Now that’s a hilarious thing to watch. 😀

A Perfect Day Off

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I was woken by a nightmare this morning because I needed to get my mother’s car check up to see if any damage was done by the car accident I had last Thursday. I guess it’s just an after-affect. Still, the nightmare disrupted my almost-8 hours of sleep. Continue reading “A Perfect Day Off” →

The Fall When Everything Changed

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Sometimes, I wondered, if we stayed in California, would I be successful with going to college early? Would I still be friends with the people I’ve known since the 5th grade? Or would the result still be the same? Continue reading “The Fall When Everything Changed” →

The Gift of Life

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It’s been such a long time since I’ve gotten anything that classified as a present let alone a handmade present. Since we left Texas, we no longer celebrated holidays like Christmas or Thanksgiving or any holidays. Actually, those days are just regular days to us now, well, except for the fact that we don’t have to go to work or school, that we get to chill at home with a nice warm cup of cocoa. 😀

In my mother’s mind, she has already given me the greatest handmade gift of all, life and support. That’s what she often told me whenever I half joked half whined about not getting any present on Christmas or my birthday.

After that, she would go on and on about how she raised me for twenty some odd years, didn’t require me to work or move out, and that I should be thankful and not complain about the lack of gifts. I guess she’s right, the gift of life is the best handmade anyone can give.

First Snow

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Today is the first snow storm of the season. I am both excited and nervous because I might be driving through some dangerous roads today. I am so jealous of my aunt and cousin right now because due to the storm, they don’t need to go to school. Continue reading “First Snow” →

Polar Opposites

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Of the many years I’ve been on this earth, I’ve met a lot of people and frankly, I can’t remember them all and I surely do not know who is most unlike me. Everyone I’ve met is so different in their own unique way, almost in a way that I cannot compare them to each other. I mean, how can I?

One thing I do know, most of the people I’ve met aren’t like me. For one thing, they like to socialize. I like to be alone. Some of the people I’ve met like to study in quiet while I like to listen to music. Appropriate noises (anything beside airplane noises) keep me from going insane. I like to be clean and I like to clean but in my own time and not in the other person’s specified time.

If I just based on these qualities, the person who is most unlike me at the moment would be my mother. Just based on these qualities, we are as completely polar opposite as anything can be.

I mean she likes to be alone too but not unless she has to. I think if there’s a choice for her, she would rather be surrounded by people. She likes to study in an utter quiet environment, an environment that would had driven me to the edge of insanity. Have I mention she’s a clean freak? She’s constantly cleaning and doesn’t care if I’m busy or not, she will bug me with her cleaning.

I don’t know how we managed to survive living together for so many years. I guess by constantly fighting about little things but at the end of the day, whether or not we are completely opposite, we are still mother and daughter.

Life is too short…

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Life is too short to lead an unhealthy life. Yes, life will be short when you’re eating unhealthy food everyday as well as not going to exercise. I learned this the hard way when I moved to Texas. Continue reading “Life is too short…” →

“I’m Sorry…”

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Sometimes, I think back to that fateful afternoon more than two years ago when my mom, our international guest, and I came back from the biennial air show up at Hill Air Force. After we came home, I went upstairs to my computer and logged onto Facebook so, you know, I can tell everyone I’ve just came back from watching airplanes do stunts in the sky.

I never got to doing that. I don’t know why but instead, I went to my step-dad’s Facebook page. The moment I arrived, his wall was filled with “R.I.P”. I was like what the heck happened??? This cannot be true. Is this some kind of joke?

Unfortunately, it was not. I immediately went to Google and search. There was an obituary. “Oh god.” I covered my mouth. I guess I was trying to cry but no tears came out.

My mind was spinning with questions. How come no one told me about this? They knew my mother’s phone number, she hadn’t changed it since we moved to Utah.

I went back to his wall and wrote the message. “What happened???”

A day later, I received a message back from his friend, Mark, in California, someone my step-dad introduced me to not long after I came to the United States.

In the message, Mark told me that this must be shocking for me to hear because my step-dad and I were just beginning to reconcile. He knew that because my step-father told him in a phone call a few months before his death. He told me that if I wish to know what happened, reply back to him.

For a few months, I did not reply. A few days later, my mom and I switched phones because the balance on my phone needed to be used before it expired. I waited eagerly for someone, my step-aunt, step-grandparents, anyone from my step-father’s family to call or possibly leave a message saying, “I’m sorry. I should’ve told you months ago.” No one did whatsoever.

I think it was February of 2013 when I messaged him back, saying I would like to know what happened exactly. My hands shook as I typed those words.

It was a few days later when he replied. He told me his liver failed and his sister had been trying to reach out to everyone the weeks prior to his funeral but perhaps she lost my mom’s number. I thanked him in the reply message for telling me what I wanted to know.

Up until now, I often wondered that if I’ve stayed with him in 2007 instead of moving here with my mom, would this happen? If I’ve stayed with him, I would had kept him occupied, like all those years before when my mom was so busy working. I think if I did, he might had led a healthy life instead of drinking and smoking that led to his early grave.

Why couldn’t I just left it alone?

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If there is one thing I regret doing, it would be doing that surgery more than a year back and getting braces. Continue reading “Why couldn’t I just left it alone?” →

Thank you

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Re: To my Family: Continue reading “Thank you” →

To My Family:

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I’ve been trying to convey these messages for what seemed like forever because I know that if I ever say these things out loud, all you’d do is laugh. Therefore, I’ve decided to write it down which I am sure that one day, you’d be able to look at this and understand every single word I say (alas, that day is today!)

  1. Having an imagination is not a bad thing. It doesn’t mean a person is crazy. It just means they are creative. It just means their brain is capable of coming up of situations that don’t normally happen in life. Like it or not, some people would be so jealous to be able to come up with a fantasy world.
  2. Another thing, you guys keep teasing me about my writing. You guys think that just because I was bullied at school a long time ago, all my writing would constantly be focused on that. There are tons of other things I’d like to write about other than my childhood.
  3. Just because I’m slow at grasping subjects doesn’t mean I’m stupid. I just like to turn something inside out to make sure I understand to the point I will never forget.
  4. The final message is that just because I’ve been given clothes, food, and shelter does NOT mean my life is a piece of cake. Life is not easy for anybody.

I do hope that after reading this, you guys would be a little more appreciative of the things I do and take what I say a little more seriously.

Love, 

Yinglan

A Childhood Poem

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I remember there was a time when I can memorize just about anything. Some of you, like my mother would say, yeah, that’s call when you’re a child. Continue reading “A Childhood Poem” →

The Long and Bumpy Road

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Sometimes, I think back to three years ago, I was in the third year of my undergraduate degree, when my mother suggested that I switch major from engineering to accounting. I didn’t listen. I even argued that if I switched, I would have to start over. Except for the math courses, I would have to take the lower requirements courses all over again.

I went on to my degree until the end. Now, three years later, I am sitting in an intermediate accounting class, trying to understand something I have no knowledge of. Yes, I have an undergraduate degree but without passing the licensing exam, I cannot get a job. So I’m kind of back to square one and have to go back to school to learn about something else. Sometimes, I feel like if I did switch major  three years ago, I would have graduated this year or the next and I might even have a job instead of now, still in school, next to jobless, still living with mom. 

But I didn’t fail, I believe I have just hit one of the bumps on the road of success. The road of success may be long and bumpy but sooner or later, we will reach the end which at that time, we will tell our extra spicy success stories.

Tipped and Unbalanced

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It feels so great to be back. I’ve missing from the world of blogging for the past couple of days because I was on a deadline but all this is passed. I’ve finished my homework and now just have study for an exam which is in two days.

Anyway, yesterday early morning, after just barely 6 hours of sleep, I saw the daily prompt. I was going to write it but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was like, eh, I’ll just do it later and I never did. The reasons for that are I am tired and my brain was foggy and the other reason, I don’t believe and know anything about astrological signs. Research wasn’t my strong suit so I decided to abandon the blog for one more day.

Today though, I found the prompt finally to be interesting, it said, “Yesterday you invented a new astrological sign. Today, write your own horoscope — for the past month (in other words, as if you’d written it October 1st).”

I am not going to try and invent a new astrological sign. So I’ll use my own. I am a libra and the symbol for that is the scale. It’s supposed to remain balance but this month, if anything, it feels like it’s tipped.

 

Okay, now, I’m curious. I am opening up another tab to check this out. Wow, it’s strangely and insanely accurate. How did they do that? So why do I need to write my own? Oh well, whatever, here goes:

October will be a challenging month. There will be communication chaos and this will cause frustration to relationships. You want to get your thoughts out, but it’s possible the other person will not be receptive to them, or they won’t understand what you’re trying to convey. You may have to just let this one go.

October has been a roller-coaster month full of family drama, exams, and homework. I am really looking forward to the end of this month and on to the next. It can only get better and I know it.

Casual and Simple

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Today’s Daily Prompt says, “We’re less than a week away from Halloween! If you had to design a costume that channeled your true, innermost self, what would that costume look like? Would you dare to wear it?”

I don’t celebrate Halloween. I haven’t celebrated Halloween ever since I was 12. What happened? Long story, there was a school dance and I wore a lame costume and everyone laughed. So that’s the end of Halloween.

If I have to design a costume that channels my true innermost self, it wouldn’t have any design whatsoever. It will probably be the most casual costume on the planet. It will probably just sweat pants and shirt. I’m into comfort and simplicity, p.s. that’s why I call my blog, My Simple Life. I am not into any elaborate things, that’s not me.

As a child, I wasn’t really into dress-up, okay maybe a little. Now, if you ask me to dress-up, NO WAY. And this is probably all thanks to a dress that I wore for a professional photo-shoot when I was five (I had to wear a white halter-top dress that made me look like a ribbon tree) and my Halloween costume when I was 11 (I was Cinderella). Hard to imagine me in those now. Anyway, they were both itchy and tight. I could barely breathe and I kept feeling like if I did, somewhere would rip.

So, anything comfortable and breathable, that’s my costume and I will be dared enough to wear it. 😀

Have to get ready, big test today. Ugh, I hate taking tests on Saturdays. 😦

I just want this to end!!!

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Today’s Daily Prompt States: “We all seem to insist on how busy, busy, busy we constantly are. Let’s put things in perspective: tell us about the craziest, busiest, most hectic day you’ve had in the past decade.” Continue reading “I just want this to end!!!” →

A Little Life Update: So So Busy

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Do you know a horrible way to cook hot dogs? I didn’t realize it until this morning when my cousin did it. Microwaving it without water. The whole house smelled like exploding hot dogs. I can even smell it now in class! It’s horrible! Continue reading “A Little Life Update: So So Busy” →

Imaginary Friends

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Today’s Daily Prompt says, “Many of us had imaginary friends as young children. If your imaginary friend grew up alongside you, what would his/her/its life be like today? (Didn’t have one? write about a non-imaginary friend you haven’t seen since childhood.)”

Ah, imaginary friends. I cannot remember if I ever had one. Oh wait, yes, I did, when I was in elementary school when kids and even teachers used to pick on me because they thought everything about me was below average. I don’t remember her name though but based on my judgement, it’s most likely my imaginary friend was nameless. I never bothered to give it a name.

I was lonely when I was in elementary school in China. I was often by myself, no one talked to me and I hardly have any social skills. Even after I was made English group leader (which was a big deal), I was a nobody. So it’s no surprise I have an imaginary friend.

Even though, I was the one who talked most of the time (obviously), it was great to have someone to talk to, to tell about the things that are troubling me. I don’t remember what she looked like though, because my imagination is always changing and so did my imaginary friends, but I think it was my imaginary friends that kept me company through the years between after my mom came to the U.S. and before I joined her in the U.S. Otherwise, I would’ve gone depressed and crazy what with the judgmental people at school picking on me as well as those summers that I had to spend it with my grandparents.

Life

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Today’s Daily Prompt asks, “At what age did you realize you were not immortal? How did you react to that discovery?” Continue reading “Life” →

Good Morning: A Mini-Flashback

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Today’s daily prompt says, “What’s your earliest memory involving another person? Recreate the scene — from the other person’s perspective.”

To be honest, I don’t remember much about my childhood except for those big moments. I have tons of pictures stuffed in thick photo albums in the basement newly-constructed storage closet but when I look at it, I cannot remember doing any of those thing as a child.

So for this prompt, instead of writing about my earliest memory involving another person, I will just write about a single memory involving another person in the other person’s point of view, which is my mother. This was something I saw when I woke up one morning, so I’ll just imagine the rest and since my mother does not like to think quietly, I practically know her every thought. Well, not every one of them but most of them.

December 22, 2001, about 7:30 am

I sit in front of the desktop. “Loading…” the screen reads. The screen is green and simple. I got this computer 2 years ago and it feels like it’s getting slower and slower.  

I sigh and look over at her, still sleeping. She must be exhausted from the flight. I know I am but I cannot sleep with the time difference. On the other hand, I need to confirm our route. We need to leave for Texas in few hours. As the page loads, I see my husband, Jim, comes into the room, the camera in his hand. “Shh,” I say but he isn’t listening. 

He puts the camera to his eyes and squints. Snap! I feel the camera flashes behind me. Snap! Snap! He takes more pictures of my daughter sprawling all over the bed. It’s how she sleeps ever since she’s little. I glare at my husband, “You’re going to waste the film.” I hiss. 

“But she’s adorable.” I roll my eyes as the screen finally loads. I type in the addresses as quietly as I can while Jim places the camera on the computer desk. 

“Mommy, what’s going on?” She asks, her eyes squinting at the light. 

“Good morning.” I greet. “How did you sleep?” 

“Hmm,” she responds.

“No time difference?” She shakes her head and closes her eyes again.

I didn’t know my step-dad was taking pictures of me sleeping until my mom and I went to develop the rolls of film after we came back to California. I kept those pictures of course. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have come up with this memory. How do I know it was taken then? There’s date and time stamped at the bottom corner of the picture.

Unequal Opportunity Employer

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Today’s Daily Prompt says: “Did you know today is Blog Action Day? Join bloggers from around the world and write a post about what inequality means to you. Have you ever encountered it in your daily life?”

No, I did not know today is Blog Action Day. Inequality is an important issue for me. I used to often complain about it because I often feel like I am being treated fairly because of my size and other things that may be wrong with me. In short, inequality, to me, is not being treated on the same level or fairly just because there is an uncontrollable defect like height or genetic disorder.

Just because a person is short, fat, have small hands or whatever defect, it doesn’t mean that person cannot do the same job like all the others. I’ve encountered plenty of those situations in my daily life from job interviews to work.

You know that small print on the job application form that says something like everyone’s equal or we’re an equal opportunity employer? For me and maybe some people, that seems like it’s only true before the interview process. Before the employer gets a look at you to see whether you’ll be fit for the position.

The reason I’m still in school now is that I couldn’t get a job after graduating from my undergraduate degree and the reason for that is I couldn’t get an internship. Most employers look for recent graduates with internship experience. During my Sophomore, Junior, and Senior years in college, I applied for a dozen internship. Whenever I saw a bulletin for hiring interns, I jumped at it.

I even got interviewed a few times but no luck, no one hired me. Each interview lasted about 15 minutes with the employer asking me a bunch of questions and I answered them to the best of my ability. Then they’d tell me they’d contact me in a week or so, never did and then two months later, I’d get an email saying although my qualifications are impressive, they had already hired someone else. 

I often wondered if they were actually thinking about hiring me after get a peek at what I look like. I wonder, if during the interview, questions would pop into their minds about whether I am capable of doing the job, whether I’d able to lift a specific number of weight. Of course! What kind of employer who doesn’t ask this kind of questions? And I know the answer, they don’t think I can do it because of my size. How is that fair that I am not given a chance even if I was given a chance to be interviewed? Unfortunately, that’s life and it’s not fair.

The Adaptation and Imitation of New Styles

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unsplash-kitsune-4Today’s Daily Prompt asks, “From your musical tastes to your political views, were you ever way ahead of the rest of us, adopting the new and the emerging before everyone else?”

Okay, first of all, my work, incredibly tedious. I just sit at my two computers and turn my head back and forth at the screens to make sure each of the article on the website is properly updated and translated from English to Chinese. Of course, sometimes, it requires utter concentration when there’s a long paragraph that is needed to be translated but most of the time, I just need to update the images and proofread to make sure it’s not missing any periods, colons, or comma or misused words.

Why am I telling you this?

Because often, when it’s just me and mom working, I’d get bored listening to mom smacking the keys on the keyboard. I’d put my ear-buds into my ear and listen to my iPod but then I can’t hear whenever mom has a question about the translation. So listening to iPod is out unless I am alone.

So I turned to Pandora, an online radio where I get to choose what I like to listen to. The thing I like about Pandora is its variety. If you choose the stations right and then press shuffle, it’s great. I like to listen to a mix of new and old songs and best of all, it doesn’t just play the most popular songs like the local radio stations does, it plays world music. As long as it’s in English, it’ll play.

As I listen to it, often times, my ears would tune into the styling of the song. Sometimes I would click on a song I like and will be surprised to learn that it’s been released for 2 or 3 years and most of these kind of songs are from UK and Australia.

This leaves me wonder, does it take this long to reach North America? Because sure enough, a few months later, that same exact song is introduced on the local top hits radio as new music and I’ll be like the styling’s current but the song is 2 or 3 years late.

Have you noticed that the music styles from UK and/or Australia have been two or three years ahead of North America and the artist in North America just listen to those styles and mimic, and adapt to new styles? 

That’s just my opinion because the styles from the pop artists here are very similar and I have basically given up listening to top 40 radio and instead, I turn to station filled with old tunes.

Clutter not Messy

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I started writing the daily prompt yesterday but didn’t know what to write after the chaos that happened this past weekend. Honestly though, an extra hour a day, to me won’t feel any difference these days because I’ve been so darn busy during the weekend. Continue reading “Clutter not Messy” →