Category: Reflection

Things on my mind

Gut Instinct

Published on by Yinglan3 Comments

My neck is feeling a bit better today, at least I can turn it left and right even if still hurts. Thanks to my mother for rubbing this Swiss ointment on me last night. It works better than Bengay and electromagnetic therapy!

Anyway, there are only two areas where I am confident about my gut feeling, cooking and driving. Because well, in cooking, most of the time, I don’t have recipe for me to follow. The amount of salt, sugar, and seasoning to put to marinade something, it’s all based on feel and instinct. 

And driving, well, I need my instinct to tell me sometimes when it’s safe to change lanes or when it’s safe to turn. Like yesterday, I couldn’t turn my head and I had to change lanes a couple times. I could only rely on my instincts that it was safe to make the maneuver and maybe getting a small painful peek into the passenger side mirror. But sometimes, even my instinct is wrong. Otherwise, I would not have that accident in 2010.

That’s why I don’t usually rely on my instinct because it’s wrong. Like when my instinct told me to skip the second class on that unfortunate snowy day despite the weather wasn’t that horrible outside, well, my instinct got me in a crash. How is that for making the right call?

Although it wasn’t my fault but the car is still slightly damaged and who knows what it’ll do to my mother’s insurance premium.

At the moment, I’m fighting with my instinct on something, health insurance. I’m shopping for health insurance right now and all these words, deductible, out of pocket, coinsurance, just sounds like gibberish to me. My gut is telling me the lower the deductible, the better but honestly, I don’t know whether to go high or get the minimum.

Any suggestions???

Surviving in a Bad Neighborhood

Published on by Yinglan2 Comments

I cannot sleep. My entire right side is in a lot of pain. So here I am, sitting rigidly at my computer at 7 in the morning thinking about what kind of story I’ll share for today’s prompt.

Honestly, I have never heard of this famous song about New York but these lyrics sure take me back. During my first years in the U.S, I lived in a very bad neighborhood in the suburbs of Los Angeles. Of course, now this neighborhood is a little better. At least, that’s what I’ve been told. But still, I think if you can make it in this town, you can make it anywhere because anywhere will just seems heavenly. 

By now, you might have hear me talk about my middle school days as the happiest time of my life but those days were also filled with adventures and failures.

Like failure to catch the thieves that stole my pencils and erasers. Well, those are small things but what my wallet, stolen right out of my backpack on the school bus that afternoon. Or my keys, stolen from the depth of my backpack while I was walking home from school with my friend. No wait, that was one of those victorious times. Thank god my friend noticed it and saw who did it.

The moment I noticed my keys were missing and saw the bully dangled it not far ahead from me, I sprinted, faster and faster, like my life depended on it. Unfortunately she was quicker. I was never a fast runner.

So I ran to the next best thing, the vice-principal. I told him about my stolen keys and who had it. He didn’t even have to go back to the office to check for the bully’s address. He knew exactly where to go. I got in the back seat and he got in the front and we sped to the girl’s house like cops.

When we got there, the girl was actually standing outside dangling my keys as if she was waiting for us. The moment she saw the vice-principal get out of the car, her victorious grin faded.

“Hand over the keys, Daisy.” I heard him say and willingly, she surrendered the keys to the vice-principal.

That was easy, right? Unfortunately, like all stories, there’s a twist. The villain is never satisfy when they loses and when they’re unsatisfied, they seek vengeance .

Several weeks after the keys incident as well as the hair-touching incident (another time), both bullies sought revenge against me. My mother couldn’t come to pick me up from school one day and she didn’t want me walking home alone. So she told me to take the school bus.

I didn’t realize until I sat down that the two bullies were sitting behind me. I quickly wrapped my arms around my backpack and hugged it against my chest to prevent anymore thievery. Just before I got off, I made sure that every zipper was closed before I swung my backpack over my shoulder.

The next day at school, I searched my entire backpack for my library card. My wallet was missing and I knew exactly who had it. I went to vice-principal and reported my wallet went missing and told him my suspicion.

He brought the girl to his office and asked her but she denied. Case closed, just like that. On the way out, she smirked at me and to this day, I still think it was her who had stolen my wallet just like her best friend took my keys.

2 pieces of advice I would not wish upon anyone

Published on by Yinglan7 Comments

“Be aggressive,” and “Be flexible”. These are two pieces of advice given to me by my mother that I would not give to anyone else. I will explain why but first I want to explain why she gave me these advice.

Be more Flexible!

Whoa, I don’t think she meant that literally

My mother thinks I am stubborn and don’t know how to turn things around sometimes. So she often lectures me, telling me to be more flexible. But sometimes, I wonder if I am even the one who should be taking this advice.

Like yesterday, I went in my mother’s place to verify if our tenant really works at this place. I told her later that even the manager don’t know this person. She asked me something I can’t remember and I told her I was treating it like an investigation. She took it literally and gave me this big lecture about me don’t know how to ask smartly.

“No wonder they won’t tell you anything.” She said. She thought I told the manager I was investigating.

“I was treating it like an investigation.” I told her, annoyed. “I never said I told the manager I was investigating anyone.”

“Well next time, be more flexible when you speak.” And she walked away. It leaves me wonder whether my mother should be the one that needs to be more flexible.

Be more Aggressive!

Now, that’s overly aggressive.

As usual, my mother likes to take charge of my life and I somehow let her. Well, what can I do when I’m living with a fire-breathing dragon?

Anyway, about three years ago, I got my first interview for an internship, I was completely ecstatic. Of course, my mother wouldn’t let me drive myself to the interview and insisted to drive me there herself.

On the way, she talked and talked, blabbed on and on, coaching me on what to say. I didn’t bother to listen because honestly how do I even know what’s asked in a job interview. I was just thinking of going in and winging in.

So I decided to just looked out the window until she said, “Did you hear me?” and it snapped me back to reality.

“Yeah,” I said and shook my head.

“I said be aggressive.” I nodded. “You need to make the employer want you. Answer confidently.”

I did everything she asked and didn’t get the internship. I had a couple more interviews since then and still no luck. Two weeks ago, I had one again. This time, I chose to just be myself. My mother has to stop helping me. I need to get this internship and move out to purge her influence on me and my career. Unfortunately, no news yet. I’m hoping soon though, crossing my fingers.

Here is why I won’t give these advice to anyone:

  1. I don’t tell people things unless I am very confident. I think before I speak but sometimes it doesn’t turn out so well. Besides, it’s my mother’s advice, it can turn awry like everything in my life.
  2. Some people may already be flexible and giving them this piece of advice might make them become over-flexible which is bad sometimes.
  3. The same goes to aggressive. If you’re overly aggressive, you’ll get competitive and no one will like you or maybe it’ll even get you fired.

My advice to you: Be yourself! Because without other’s advice, it will change you into someone you’re not.

The Best of Times, The Worst of Times

Published on by Yinglan4 Comments

Today’s Daily Prompt gave a quote from Charles Dicken’s A Tale of Two Cites. A book that I haven’t yet read but this quote took me back to the day when I had to say good bye to my mother because she was leaving me again. This was back in early 2000 or 2001, I can’t remember but it was the best Chinese New Year I’ve ever had.

I was staying at my grandparents’ for my winter break when one night, my aunt suddenly called to say she’s taking me home. Normally, I’d be happy to go but Chinese New Year was coming and staying with my grandparents was an excellent chance for me to get some 红包 (lucky money) even if it’s just a couple bucks.

On the way back to my aunt’s apartment, I asked her why so sudden. She told me my mother was coming home. I was like ha, yeah right.

I went to bed that night smiling, laughing at the idea that my mother was coming. The next morning, I got a surprise. I was startled awake by none other than my mother. At first, I thought it was a dream but it wasn’t, she was really here.

During the first few days, she felt like a stranger because after all, I haven’t seen her in 2 or 3 years and skype didn’t exist then. But as the days went by, we grew close again. We did a lot of fun things and went to a lot of new places but before long, she had to leave again.

“I will be back for you.” She told me.

All the way to the airport, we talked and joked but when we got back in the car after dropping her at the airport, I was silent the whole way, just kept looking out the window, wanted to just say my proper goodbye to my mother. So even if we went to all these fun places and did all these fun things, when it comes to saying goodbye, it’s the worst of times.

The Toughest Decision of a Lifetime

Published on by Yinglan8 Comments

In July of 2007, I ultimately made the toughest decision I’ve ever made in my entire life (at least so far). I was literally involved in a game of tug-of-war between my parents. The decision: to stay with my step-father or to leave with my mother. Continue reading “The Toughest Decision of a Lifetime” →

Eccentrically Different

Published on by Yinglan5 Comments

It's almost as if I'm singled out
It’s like I’m singled out

Sometimes, I get very frustrated because no one seem to understand me just because I am slightly different than my family member. Would I call myself just a tiny bit eccentric? Okay, maybe a little but I don’t do strange things.  If I do, I do them because I was influenced by other people such as my mother, my mother’s friend, and my teachers.

A long time ago, in my elementary school days, I was taught to try new things and encourage others to try new things as well. That’s exactly what I did when my family came visit in 2012. I got them for the day when my mother had to go to work. I took them Downtown to the new mall and Temple Square.

I thought we would explore some sights together. Instead, the second we arrived at Temple Square from that short easy walk downhill from the Capitol, my aunt suddenly wanted to sit down and eat. Everyone else followed, leaving me just standing there. I wanted to scream, come on people. We still have all day and a lot of sights to see but I didn’t have it in me for some reason.

The moment everyone sat down, it was like the energy drained out of them, both the adults and the kids. I was the only one that had any energy. “What are you doing?” I asked as my aunt pulled out a big box of cherries from her bag.

“We’re tired and hungry.” She complained and then suddenly everyone else were too. It was like the entire family was controlled by this one single person.

I remember sitting there  for a long time, not wanting to eat myself, watching them scarf down cherry after cherry, cracker after cracker. Eventually, we proceeded across the street to the new mall and there, after one round (30 minutes tops), they went to the food court and eat again.

Anyway, another thing that sets me apart from this clone-like family is I am sentimental and don’t like to waste or throw anything away.

They are the exact opposite. I remember the first week after my cousin and aunt arrived, one night, I accidentally didn’t cook the drumstick all the way through. My cousin took one bite, made a disgusting look on his face, and said, “This is still raw.”

He walked around the counter to the trash can with the drumstick between his chopsticks. “What the hell are you doing?” I said.

“Throwing it in the trash.”

I quickly retrieved a bowl from the dishwasher and handed it to him. “That’s perfectly good. Just put it in here and microwave it.” How wasteful is that, right?

Another thing is I keep a lot of junk in my drawer, broken mouse, headphones, and mail that I no longer want. This is actually all thanks to whoever the high school English teachers was who taught me all about personification and as the result, I saw inanimate objects differently. Hmm, so I guess I am the eccentric one in the family after all or a slightly eccentric person in general.

Dissatisfaction of a service

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I am very angry and upset at the moment and I feel like I need to let off some steam. Continue reading “Dissatisfaction of a service” →

Dear Cousin…

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It has been almost a month since you’ve been in the U.S. Therefore, I thought I would spend 10 minutes to tell you how I am enjoying your visit so far. Continue reading “Dear Cousin…” →

Give me Ten Minutes – A Little Life Update

Published on by Yinglan6 Comments

I haven’t been feeling well this week. 😦 The temperature fluctuations tend to do this to me. Over the weekend, it went from the 80’s to the 50’s. The temperature difference in the classrooms doesn’t help either. So I have chills, headache, and my dizziness.

Yet I don’t tell anyone. No one will believe me plus I don’t have insurance. I don’t even bother talking to mom anymore because her temper had been at its worst ever since my aunt and cousin came to town. Yesterday, after enduring 2 hours of exam and not eating lunch, I went home straight to fighting. Frankly, my throat is coarse and tired.

What did we fought about? Two days ago, she had asked my aunt to re-park her new car and my aunt backed the car into the pole that held the basketball basket. She did what my boss did last November to my car. She turned the wheel in the wrong direction. So naturally, she blamed me for not stopping my aunt. Can you believe that? If I’d known that, I would have re-parked the damn car myself.

Then last night, after she found out how I did on my exam (I stupidly blurted out), she wouldn’t leave me alone and the fight went on for 90 minutes (storming into my room and interrupting me doing homework and all that). It’s so freaking annoying. I feel like the fights are going to go on and on probably until one of us dies or move out.

The other thing that is annoying me at the moment is ever since my aunt and cousin moved in, they’ve been eating, eating, and more eating. It feels like that’s all my cousin think about is food. In less than a month, they have eaten the amount of food that would normally take me and my mom two months to eat. I’m serious and I mean just my aunt and cousin. It doesn’t include me and my mom.

My cousin eats like there’s no tomorrow, like everything is free. Well, nothing is free. There’s no free lunch. He cooks three dishes for lunch and eat most of it himself and then 30 minutes later, snack and then 2 hours later, three or four dishes again, dinner and the cycle continues. Okay, I am at awe here because I have never seen a 17-year-old with such a large appetite. And the thing is, he doesn’t gain weight. Okay, now there’s something wrong with that kid.

Okay, my 10-minutes is up. I don’t really need prompt today but they are part of the fun for my day.

I’ve been super busy with school this week. If you leave a comment, I may not reply right away. Be patient, I will try to get to you as soon as I can find the time to sit. 

An Open Letter to…

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See, I told you I’d post something else today. Continue reading “An Open Letter to…” →

Headache and Heartache

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I have a very awful headache right now. I think I need to lie down. Yeah yeah, I know what some of you’re going to say, I’m young and I shouldn’t get headaches. Well, I’m here to tell you the headache have something to do with my impending doom. Continue reading “Headache and Heartache” →

What a day!

Published on by Yinglan3 Comments

Well, yesterday was quite unexpected. If you’ve read yesterday’s post, you’d know how it started. How it ended, is another thing. As I was driving home yesterday with my aunt and cousin, my car decided to quit, not literally but almost. The RPM started dropping fast on the freeway and no matter how hard I pressed on the gas. It scared me to death.

So I barely made it home, ate the delicious lunch my mom made and then shakily drove my car to the mechanic. They can’t even diagnose the problem after I blurted the entire story to the front-desk guy. So mom had to drive me home and wait.

A few hours later, the mechanic called me back and told me the intake mass air flow sensor was bad which caused the car to wheeze and the RPM to drop suddenly. It’s going to cost $450 to fix it. Mom said no, we’re not throwing any more money into this car.

I felt like my heart’s been broken into a million pieces and I immediately wanted to cry. She wants to throw my car away. 😦 The car that’s been with me through so much ups and downs. She wants me to post it online to sell it. Me, of all people. That’s like asking me to sell my organs or something precious to me.

How can a day that started out okay-like be turned into so dark and horrible? Mom and aunt are going to help me down-pay a new car but I don’t think I will ever feel the same as when I’m driving my old car. Well, that’s 10 minutes and I shall stop my sad rambling.

Meaningful Hand-me-downs

Published on by Yinglan6 Comments

I am no stranger to hand-me-downs but then again who is, unless you’re incredibly rich but even then, you will have something that is sort of a hand-me-down. Mom and I almost escaped to Salt Lake City from Austin with just the things that can fit into her small car (long story, will/might tell later). So we didn’t have a lot when we came here but not to the point that we had to start over.

We moved into an one-bedroom apartment a few weeks after we arrived. We had no furniture. For the first few days, we sat on a towel on the carpet while eating from some spare bowls lend to us by mom’s nosy friend who lived several blocks away.

That first weekend, when her nosy friend’s husband was off, he helped move  all the furniture that’s been occupying his garage into our apartment. They were eager to get rid of it even though some of it were still pretty much brand new. It belonged to Mrs. Nosy’s uncle who decided to leave Utah and move back to San Francisco.

The apartment was soon furnished with second-hand furniture. An out-of-date flowery pattern love seat in the living room while a really weird texture Laz-Boy sofa-bed in the bedroom where mom and I will sleep for the next two years. Then a folded table and very heavy chairs for dining, a rectangular broken-legged mirror-glass coffee table as well as a square table for the hand-me-down TV and some shelves. Even the silverware were hand-me-downs.

The Laz-boy sofa bed and the square coffee table that used to hold the TV. See what I mean about the mirror-glass?
The Laz-boy sofa bed and the square coffee table that used to hold the TV. See what I mean about the mirror-glass?
The love-seat. Don't be fool by the length, there are only two cushions.
The love-seat. Don’t be fool by the length, there are only two cushions.

But I was thankful because we were struggling back then. Mom’s new job as a school teacher hadn’t begin so we didn’t have any income and I was only 16. Anyway, 100% of the things in that apartment were hand-me-downs.

A block away from the apartment was a thrift shop and that was where we would shop until we moved to our current home 30 miles away. Mrs. Nosy loved this thrift shop because a lot of wealthy old people lived nearby and their homes are full of beautiful antiquities. As well as that, a lot of the clothes that were donated were pretty clean and new. I didn’t like shopping in that store at first because I thought second-hand clothes were yucky. But I adjusted after a while and knew where to look.

We got quite a deal in that store, most of the clothes we bought were $1 and some of them were free. Anyway, when we moved into our current home, again, we were nearly furniture-less because when you move from a 500 square-foot apartment to a 2000 square-house, it will make a difference. We had no beds. So for the first week or so, we slept on the sofa bed which now resides in the family room. Then the love seat now resides in the living room. We rarely shop at the thrift shop now because we often find better deals at the Exchange in the air force base.

Out of all the hand-me-downs I had in my life and I have had a lot, there three items I think it’s the most meaningful.

  1. The television-set that was giving to us by my step-grandparents when we moved to Austin. We were just about broke back then with my step-dad spending every dime my mom made from her two jobs on alcohol and cigarettes. This television-set provided entertainment and comfort for me because at least for a short time, I can forget I live in tiny apartment with constant fighting parents.
  2. The sofa-bed that was handed down by Mrs. Nosy’s uncle. It provided me with a place to sleep. Not comfortable but it’s better than sleeping on the ground.
  3. The television also handed-down by Mrs. Nosy’s uncle. It provided mom and me hours of entertainment while we spent many late-nights during that first year staying up grading paper.

I know my definition of “meaningful” is different than everyone else’s but these three things got me through some tough times. Isn’t that’s what the term “meaningful” is about? Getting through memorable hard times? Anyway, when I listen to this song, it kind of remind me of those times.

Just writing this post makes me feel older already. Today is my lunar birthday. I may be turning 23 in a few weeks but I bet my aunt will send me a card today saying happy 24th because some people in China go by the lunar birthdays and count the 9 months in the mother’s belly.

A Dream Tunnel to School

Published on by Yinglan5 Comments

It’s been a strange summer, I must say, weather-wise. There’s been days when it was completely sunny, not a cloud in the sky while there are days like today, cloudy sky with an occasion sprinkle. I hate those days, it makes me feel completely blue and sad. Continue reading “A Dream Tunnel to School” →

Mysterious Secret Admirer

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I remember a very funny and joyous situation happen to me during my Senior year of high school. Continue reading “Mysterious Secret Admirer” →

The Car’s Simple Name

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I don’t think a lot of people would go through the trouble of naming things that don’t move and don’t talk but here I am, six years later and still trying to name my elderly car. Continue reading “The Car’s Simple Name” →

Second opinion always matters!

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Second opinion always matters, no matter what situation we’re in. I just so happens to be very insecure when it comes to trusting my own gut. Continue reading “Second opinion always matters!” →

The Weekend’s Series of Unfortunate Events

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Happy Monday, everyone! How was your weekends? Mine was horrible. Just kidding! But seriously. It was even more horrible than that weekend without internet! Continue reading “The Weekend’s Series of Unfortunate Events” →

The Aftermath of Recent Failure

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I graduated from college two months ago. I thought I wouldn’t have to look at another textbook or take another test, that it was time for me to go job hunting. Continue reading “The Aftermath of Recent Failure” →

Competitive or Underpaid?

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I have been wondering whether or not I should write this post but now that the question is burning a hole in my mind, how can I not? At least let me rant a bit. Continue reading “Competitive or Underpaid?” →

The one thing that went right…

Published on by Yinglan6 Comments

Happy Monday, how were your weekends? 

Before...
Before…
After...
After…

Sorry it took me so long to post something. I guess I’m just overwhelmed with laziness and frustration. Last weekend started so well with July 4th and all. On Saturday, mom even took me to Costco and I finally purchased a new computer! Then on the way home, at Home Depot, I bought the shelf I’ve said in my post that I needed. I was super excited.

The moment I got home, I immediately went into assembling the shelf. My brain went into high gear and I put together the shelf in no time. I moved the shelf along with my new computer into my room.

Then trouble… Dung Dung Dung!

The internet went down. Well, not down like last time but it became snail-like, even slower than before I switched to cable. The only place in the house that wasn’t slow was anywhere but my room! Can you believe this?

So I’ve been messing and tweaking the modem and router (resetting and moving it around) for the last two days. However, nothing changed. This morning when I could barely get online, I became angry and called up Comcast (the company I signed up internet) and asked what’s going on. No one could answer my question. Instead, the lady reset my modem and I lost her because my phone depended on the internet (no internet, no phone 😦 )

I re-installed everything again and three hours later, everything’s still the same if not slower than before. Pissed, I called Comcast and they insisted I need the change my modem. So I went down there and stood in line for 30 minutes, came back with a brand-new modem. Still, the internet was still so damn slow! WHAT???

The thing that finally went right since I got the shelf was swapping the router 30 minutes. The internet finally became normal-ish again but it just doesn’t feel the same anymore. I don’t know, maybe after two days of irritatingly slow internet and constantly disconnecting, I’m just afraid it might do that again.

Anyway, I won’t write too much today since it’s kind of like my final hours. My GMAT is less than 24 hours. So I have to go panic!!!

Just kidding, I have to do some last minute study though. EEP!!! I’m so excited until it ends tomorrow. 🙂

What did the doctor say?!

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I DON’T KNOW!!! Continue reading “What did the doctor say?!” →

The Near Impossible Task of Multitasking

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In the past two months (mostly), blogging has been a sort of an escapade for me, temporarily escaping work and study to go to another world, the world of blogging, that is. 😀 However, with two weeks away from my GMAT, I realize I need to buckle down and study. Continue reading “The Near Impossible Task of Multitasking” →